Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
In the Baby Dream household this is how our Christmases went down this year. On Christmas Eve around noon we combined my Dad and little brother with DH's side of the family. Here are some pictures from this event:
Later on Christmas Eve around 4pm we packed up the vehicle full of all the yummy cookies I had been making, the cheesecake, and presents and headed out to my Aunt's house. There we enjoyed lots more family, good food, unwrapped Christmas ornaments from our annual ornament exchange, and then played board games in true family fashion. All this before leaving a little after 9pm to head home and put out cookies and milk for Santa. Here are pics from this gathering:
On Christmas morning was our third Christmas and that was just the 3 of us. Nice quiet and quaint. *B* opened his loot from Santa, we had sticky buns for breakfast, we cleaned up, and then got ready to head out to my Mom's for our fourth and final Christmas. Here is pics from our Christmas of 3:
Our fourth and final Christmas was at my Mom's. More food, more family. Pics from it:
Non-Cancerous Breast Conditions Reading
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
PS: If you would like the recipe for anything I mentioned just leave me a comment and I'll get it to you. Happy Holidays!!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
So, I went to the Dr and I'm back from, and I feel as if I have been punched in the gut. He did a breast exam on me after I explained to him everything that had been going on. He found two lumps that were hard and non-moveable in my left breast (the one that has been leaking), and I have swollen lymph nodes under my arms pits, in the fatty tissue hanging from my arms at my muscle, and on my neck. He started mentioning pituitary gland tumors, but made most talk of breast cancer and family history of it which I have. I asked specifically about a breast infection and a molar pregnancy after researching symptoms I have and coming up with these diagnoses and he said he wasn't ruling those out, but that wasn't what he was concentrating on as a big picture at this point as everything doesn't fit now that he's found other things (the swollen lymph nodes). He ordered a whole battery of bloodwork and a mammogram for me. I got my bloodwork done at the lab at the hospital already, and I'm just waiting for the scheduling manager from the hospital to call me back with an appt. time for the mammogram. I'm really scared. I'm always on DH's case to quit doing this or not to do that b/c his parents both died from cancer and now my Dr. is throwing that as a diagnosis at me. I can't believe this is happening, it feels like a nightmare and I can't wake up from it.
Monday, December 14, 2009
(PLEASE BE PREPARED FOR TMI FOR THE REST OF THIS ENTRY)
Then there was see spot, see spot go away, and come again the next day. Now there is AF which graciously arrived in all her glory last night, but is really lite and unusual for me. Amongst the weird that's been going on was my boobs were looking and feeling larger than life and really sore to the touch especially the nips. I've also been twingy/twitchy crampy versus the normal saw me in half cramps, and there has been no PMS that I normally have just headaches. So, then the weirdest of everything that's been going on was what happened this morning when I was starting a load of laundry.... my boobs were hurting just like they have been then all of a sudden the pain went away and the front of my shirt was wet. My boobs are leaking, like I'm lactating like when I had *B*. It's happened two more times since this morning too, and I'm not talking a little bit but like let down type of wet, and I haven't breastfed since *B* was 15days old.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hm.well i could not live without my wonderful husband and my son.My husband for taking care of my while i am so very big and prego.lol.And my lovely son for putting a smile on my face every time i am having an emotional pregnant breakdown!But i shuld deff. win bcus i could sip on hot chocolate while i got the pink slippers on and be cozy on days i can't get outta bed!hehe!thanks for being there threw my pregnancy and bfor!Hope things look up for you at the first of the year!
December 8, 2009 9:23 PM
Brit has been a very good friend of mine for quite a few years despite our ups and downs, and I'm very happy she won. Any way, this is Brit and her happy little family that they are about to add 2 more (boy/girl twins) too in early January. Aren't they cute?:
CONGRATS Brit, I'll be getting ahold of you to claim your prize, and rub that baby belly for me.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
A Year of Slow Cooking
Monday, December 7, 2009
***Here Are The Rules In Order For Your Chances To Win!!***
- You **NO LONGER HAVE TO BE** be a follower of this blog unless you would like to be. If you're wondering how to do so, please scroll down and on the left hand side you'll see a button to click that says "Follow". Click it and follow the directions from there (you may need to set up a google account with your email address if need be). **(The reason for this is alot of people are either new to finding my blog and don't want to follow just yet or they're having problems figuring out how to do this, so I'm not making it mandatory to enter to win.)**
- You MUST leave a comment at the bottom of this entry by clicking on the "Comments" link, and then tell me something that you love or just can not live without this season for one chance to win. In this entry you MUST leave your e-mail address so I can get back to you IF you do not have a blog that I can link back to or I don't know any other means of getting ahold of you. You may make it non-search engine friendly if you'd like.
- For another chance to win you can post about my giveaway on your blog. If you do this, you MUST leave the link to the post about it in a separate comment saying that you have done so.
- For another chance to win you can snag this button below and post it in your side bar, (just copy and paste the code below the pic into an HTML/Java gadget in the Layout section of the Dashboard you can also do this for the post about this giveaway as well if you would like) and then leave another comment saying that you have done so. If you do this then you MUST leave a link to your blog in the comment if I can't link back to it.
- **BASICALLY JUST LEAVE A COMMENT SAYING YOU'D LIKE TO BE ENTERED AND TELL ME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT FOR THE WINTER/CHRISTMAS SEASON AND MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS IF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU AND *PRESTO!* YOU'RE ENTERED!! GOOD LUCK!!**
Contest ends at 7pm EST on Thursday, December 10, 2009. Winner will be drawn by random.org and e-mailed. You'll have 24hrs to get back to me with your mailing information, if you do not do so then I will continue to move on to the next person drawn until I have a winner with mailing information. Good Luck to you all, and please remember to follow the rules or your entry will be discarded. Happy Holidays!!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
So, any way I ended up having to do my food shopping for the meal the day before. I had to struggle through the crowds, but I got everything I needed to make a delicious and delightful meal... well everything except cherry pie filling which I ended up substituting to strawberry filling, but no big deal. I got home and I still had a semi-sick boy on my hands, but he was definitely doing alot better than just a few short days before hand when we did a rush trip to the ER at 2am, so I got to work on dinner prep. I made all my desserts, rolled out noodles, boiled chicken, made cucumber salad, put all the casseroles together and in the fridge, and around the stroke of 1am on the day of got my turkey dressed and put in the oven. DH even helped me in the kitchen when *B* went to bed which was simply incredible. Then finally I went to bed close to 2am exhausted and with throbbing feet.
On the day of H*attie, J*ordan, and H*unter showed up early, but it was no big deal we had already been up for about an hour. She came on in and acted like nothing had ever been said between us, and as if she had never done anything wrong. She still doesn't know if she's pregnant, but says she thinks she is as she's over a month late on her AF. Whatever. She did the same old same old that she's done every year since moving out.... sat on the couch and was lazy not offering to help out in the kitchen one bit, and *H* broke through his first 2 teeth and she didn't even want to take care of him really; she just let him cry and cry. (More on her bad parenting in another post... I'm trying to stay positive in this one and be thankful.. right?) So, any way, *H* is still so tiny but he's the tiniest little walker I've ever saw.... it was adorable!! However he was scared to death of us now (being as they haven't been here since *B*'s birthday party on July 5th) and pretty much fussed and shyed away from us the whole time. We ate dinner, everyone got stuffed, and everyone left for me to clean up the mess. (Maybe I should change the title of this entry? I'm sounding unthankful.)
After this we headed to my Grandma's where I figured things would be hugely overwhelming as my Mom's side of the family just seems to keep falling apart and not getting along. It ended up being a great time, except for my cousin's pregnant girlfriend going on and on about how fragile her belly was after wanting to pick up *B*, and him trying to climb her. That was really the only down side for me... I could of done without that. I loved filling my belly for a second time with different types of food there, and I loved sharing all the laughter and love. Just like all the holidays before this one, a tradition I hope to continue on in my own home with my own family in years to come.
So, now to what I'm thankful for:
- I'm extremely thankful to have such a loving, understanding, caring husband who is also an amazing father. He doesn't always make the wisest of decisions and they don't always please me, but he only has everyone's best interest at heart. And even though I wasn't getting along with his sister, he knew that I would of regretted her not being here had I decided to keep my heart of stone.
- I'm thankful for my son. B/c without him I wouldn't have anything to help me get through the day on some days. He filled the hole I had in my heart that infertility left there. He is the light of my life and by far the greatest blessing I could ever ask for.
- I'm thankful for family. Especially the fact that I got to see my little brother for the first time since Halloween'08, which was amazing. They may not always be supportive, and we may butt heads all the time, but I know that they care for me and are always there for me. They help make the holidays bright, and definitely keep the laughter alive when there are times that you just feeling like crying or feel like you're dying inside. They are what have give me the firm and steady foundation of the person that I am today.
- Last but not least I'm thankful for all the things that some people over look such as food, a home, my bills being paid, and all the material things that help make everyday living a little easier. And even though I sometimes think my health is really crappy and I hate my body... I'm even thankful for that.
PSS: For those of you checking back to see when I'm doing the Christmas Giveaway, I'm going to start it this coming Monday.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
For those of you haven't looked past the top post, please do. There is a place for you to become a follower of this blog on the left side bar. This is VERY important as I plan to do a Christmas giveaway later this week or early next week and it will be my very first giveaway and YOU MUST be a follower. On the right side bar if you're dealing with infertility there is a button that links you to a common thread that ladies and even men dealing with infertility wear as well as a link to
Last but not least if you would like to re-design your blog and you're having problems feel free to leave me a comment or email me at the email address I have listed in the right side bar, and I'll try to help you as much as I can. (FYI: I've made it non-engine search friendly and/or non-bot friendly so at is really "@" and dot is really ".", so on and so forth.) Much love to ya'll and I hope you're enjoying the new makeover as much as I am... Happy Holidays!!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
But, any way amongst all that I have to sometime pay some bills that I don't do online, get *B*'s haircut, boil chicken for my homemade noodles and roll out the noodles, bake a couple pies and some other dessert for my grandma's, and throw together a cucumber salad all tomorrow. That listed doesn't include the grocery shopping and the numerous toy picking up I'll have to do and the last minute tidy up of things either, and then putting the turkey in late late late (actually early tomorrow morning) tonight. I swear if I make it through this holiday without flipping out on somebody going on about this family member's pregnancy or that one's or smacking another family member b/c they ticked me off to the point of no return it will be a miracle. I hope DH is up to dealing with Mrs. Bitch, b/c my hormones are a raging and I'm waging an all out war otherwise. But all in all I really REALLY am THANKFUL for this Thanksgiving... REALLY! :)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
**PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE UNABLE TO SEE THIS SLIDESHOW AS I WAS HAVING DIFFICULTIES GETTING IT ON HERE, THANK YOU!!**
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tonight is not my night. I know that you only give us what we can handle, but I'm here to tell you that I'm drawing the line. I CAN NOT handle the cards that you've dealt me tonight, and you continue to keep dealing me for weeks now. You helped me to find my place in the world and parent H*attie, so now I'm asking you to help her find her place in the world and do the right thing. The family's cut in the deepest, and this one is to the bone and through the heart. You know I've been hurting with all the recent family members and close friends in my life that are pregnant. While each breaking news is painful to me with your good graces I'm still hanging on. I've went through this before and the depression was unbearable at times but I survived. I have the miracle of my son now that you blessed me with and I can't do that again. I'm telling you everything that you're throwing at me I CAN'T handle, at least not this time. I maybe strong, but I'm not that strong not any more and I CAN'T and DON'T want to fall apart in front of my child. So, please I'm begging and pleading with you even when I have so much trouble believing in you at times, but know that you're there and a constant in my life to let me be pregnant and have a baby girl before her. I WILL NOT be able to handle it if she steals the name that we've had for a little girl since we began trying 8yrs ago that's never changed. This is unbearable to me, b/c it's sacred and it means nothing to her while it combines both my mother and MIL's name for a first name and my sister's and my middle names for a middle name. You know we're not trying with treatments but we're not objectionable to a miracle either, so please hear my cries tonight and for once answer them. I'm tired of losing faith in you I want to believe, it's just so hard when you repetitively don't come through for me. So, please bless us, please take away my sadness, and please just be there for me in this time of need.
I got some news tonight that the child that I once raised maybe pregnant by another man other than the one she's been with for a couple of years now. She's been being reckless and careless lately, but after talking to J*ordan on the phone I realized that she has not a caring fiber in her body. There are so many pregnant people coming at me at one time that it's unreal, and I can't handle it. I'm a bawling mess, and my child is even saying "No cries, Mommy, no cries." (Melt my heart.) Having *B* does help ease the pain but I still have a gaping hole there for what I long for, and having a best friend, my sister, and a SIL all pregnant, and now possibly H*attie who'll find out tomorrow with an HPT that J*ordan bought her tonight before work....... I CAN'T HANDLE IT!! I'm not as strong as I once was and I'm falling apart and sinking into a deep depression. I find myself screaming and pleading with God as I did above, and even bargaining with Him if He'll just let me be pregnant. I'm having a breakdown and my wonderful DH who just held me last week while I felt like my world was falling apart with the news of my sister being pregnant is working tonight. So, now my only option is my 2yr old who is now awake from my bawling and gagging at 2am to cuddle with and hope that the world is a better place in the morning. Dear Lord..... please let it be.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I'm curious how are your DH's with timing and responses to sensetive subjects such as this or others? Am I the only one with a clueless DH, or are the hardwired to be like this and not even realize it bothers us?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A Year of Slow Cooking
The Life of Suz
She Just Walks Around With It
Bring The Rain
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
It also occured to me today that I need to spruce up the blog. I had had the old background for far too long and since I (big puffy heart) fall, I figured I do something like that and try to cling on to it while it quickly fades into winter around here. Thanks chicky for showing me the background I love it. And just b/c I didn't want totally steal what you already had I tweaked the colors and fonts and what not. What can I say we've always said we're sisters from other mothers so it's only natural we would like the same thing. LOL.
And... it occurred to me today that here it is the 28th of the month and I'm yet to see AF. So, I when I filled *B*'s prescription today at the pharmacy I bought a test and had to torture myself even though I knew the answer. But you see I had hope b/c I had been regular in AF even when I wasn't doing teatments, I have been moody and very teary eyed here and there for no reason, and I have an increase in appetite and I thought that could be b/c of dieting guess it's is really....b/c no chance. My hope with smashed with the BIGGEST FATTEST NEGATIVE ever. Boo! Here's to hoping I guess. I'm still trying to lose weight to see if that helps jump start something "right" in my ovarian system. Who knows I'm ye of little faith.
So, that about wraps things up around here for this update. The holidays are soon approaching and I'm dreading it. Family drama has already began amongst the extended family and I want to leave the country. And, well I need to get my butt in gear with Christmas shopping so I can check that stresser off my ever growing list. Blessed be to all, and I hope that you're having a wonderful fall!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
So, even though I'm only feeling about 70% of the normal I've been on a re-establishing my house mission today. Hey, and I'm one-upping myself by actually making something for dinner that doesn't come out of a can or box or take-out as DH and *B* somewhat have been eating for 4days. LOL! And sometime (not today b/c I'm not about spreading my illness to others) I have to make a trip to Wally World aka W*al-M*art to get some groceries and a new microwave. What fun..... *sigh*.
But on a positive note to all this, while I was sick I won my blogging buddy Jill's Christmas Giveaway that I made mention of in my last post. I'm excited to start blarring in the Christmas music to get me in the holiday mood.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Baby Steps To Weight Loss
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Next course of treatment doesn't hold any hope to me either as there are not many changes from this time. He's increased my dosage of Met*formin from 2- 850mg tablets a day to 2- 1000mg tablets a day hoping it brings down the reaction in my ovaries and body. I'm not doing any type of treatment for the coming month other than that. Then once late October early November's AF arrives I'm getting a baseline u/s done on CD3, Cl*omid 150mg CD3-7, Menopur 225iu everyday starting on CD5, E2 levels every other day starting on CD7, u/s everyday starting on CD9 (this part is different from last time), triggering this time when a dominant follicle reaches 22-24mm instead of 18-20mm. And we've even though there are no sperm issues we've been what I feel like is only to be put as "bullied" into an IUI.
So, now you can tell where my title came from.... that is pretty much what this office is doing to me. Hanging me out to dry, b/c they didn't get me pregnant before and had to refer me off where all I heard there was my only options were IVF, so they don't really care one way or the other if they get me pregnant with #2, b/c they can just do the same thing again. Here's the kicker to there bullshit fertility lines and treatments I conceived *B* naturally after trying for almost 6yrs. 3yrs of those with treatments and a hyper-stimulated cycle that resulted in a chemical pregnancy and miscarriage. Something clicked in my body back then after that, now if only this stupid Dr. would listen to me about all the meds I was on then, maybe we could get there again naturally without all the need of modern medicine.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
To top it off, I'm fed up with my Dr's office. I love my Dr. He's an excellent physician and caring man, but the nurses his office is staffed with are neurotic insensitive morons. Most of them are new, a couple have no gynecological/obstetric/infertility experience. They don't relay messages appropriately. I'm having to give each one my patient history each time I call in b/c they're too stupid to pull up my name on their laptop in front of their faces. They don't return phone calls until you blow up their phone or voicemail. And, when ever I call in toward the end of a cycle after my patient run through the first question is always "Are you pregnant?" instead of "what can I do for you?" or something of that nature which is like a knife to the already emotionally sensitive heart. I felt as though the past 2-2 1/2 months I fell threw the cracks in that office. So, I'm in the process of finding a new Dr. One that I'll feel comfortable with and one that will treat me with respect not only as a regular OB/GYN patient but an infertility patient as well, and so will her/his nurses. In the meantime, I'm done with treatments and I'm on a weight loss mission, b/c unfortunately treatments combined with a little depression has helped me to pack on a few extra pounds that I don't want.
For now I'm off to snuggle with *B*, for I am so blessed to be his mother. And every minute with him helps to heal my ever aching heart. Thanks everyone for your support and prayers this cycle, just wish it would of played out differently.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
After (This is the next morning while he's still sleeping, I think they did an excellent job pulling it together):
Monday, August 17, 2009
Any how I'll be getting back to my regularly scheduled
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Any way, in other news.... Can I just say I HATE THE TERRIBLE TWO'S!!! Yep, you read that right. I thought before *B* turned two was bad, boy was I wrong. Within the last week or two, he's started doing the baby grunting and whinning all over again. He throws himself on the floor when being told something to do that he doesn't want to do or if taking something away from him he isn't supposed to have. I hear "No!" more than 100 times a day from him after various requests. His eating habits went down the toilet along with his manners. He's no longer sleeping 10-12hrs a night, but somewhere between 6-8hrs, and no naps which makes for one very irritable mother and child. We put him in a toddler bed finally, only to have to him back in a crib b/c he rolled out, to having him start climbing out of it which he never did before, so he's back in the toddler bed again. I'm just do tired of him thinking he's the boss already...I mean I know he's somewhat spoiled as being the only child right now, but we don't go over board with it. There is no reason he should be acting this way. I guess in motherhood I must take the bad with the good, but for the life me it stressful when there isn't very many good days these days.
Let's see.... Oh I'm dieting again. Well if you want to call it that. Some call it a life style change, so call it what you will. I'm trying to get healthy again and thinner, much thinner. I've been power walking in the mornings when DH comes home, and walking again in the evenings with *B* in tow so it's a slower pace, but still walking. Plus, if *B* manages a nap I try to throw in the 30-Day Shr*ed workout video as well. I'm watching what I eat, being more precise on taking my meds (met*formin). (I'll admit I don't take it as I should. I don't ever miss a dose, but I wasn't strict on taking it once in the morning and once in the evening like I should of been.) I'm cutting out caffiene as much as I can without losing steam. (I'm down to one Diet Sie*rra M*ist a day, and one cup of sweet tea a day.) The rest of the time I'm strictly drinking water. I'm eager to see a difference by my birthday in just 17 days. I guess we'll see.
I've been a bit depressed. I've tried and tried to pin point a specific reason why, but I've come to the conclusion it's a whole mess of things. I could write a book on the disfunctionality of my life, but I won't b/c it's morbid and well depressing. So, I'll just a mention a few things, and that way when I look back on this post and things are going better I won't feel like such a retard for ever thinking as I am. First of all is my sister when she was in town. I felt as though I didn't get alot of time with her. This always happens, but b/c of my stupid naive thinking I some how thought this time would be different since I lived closer to my Mom where she was staying. The more I think about the more I'm realizing that my sister is turning into our mother....only out for one person: herself. It's sad to say it, but true. Then I've been missing my In-laws ALOT. I read all of your entries where you talk about doing this or that with them and even them getting on your nerves, and I don't have that. I had a close relationship with both of them, and I miss them terribly. It saddens me to the core that they're not around to be able to watch their grandson grow up. He's just like his Daddy and they would be so proud, while my own Mom could care less about seeing or talking to her daughter let alone her grandson. She has her favorites, and sadly he's not one and he's such a blessing. Why can't her and my step-dad just see that?
Then there is how quickly *B* is growing into a big boy. Each day another baby feature fades away, and it scares the hell out of me b/c I don't know if I'll ever get to experience that again with another baby. My future is not a given and there is no guarantee that I will be a mother of two or even three like I so desperately dream about. Then there is my marriage, maybe it's just me and everything going on that I'm already depressed about amplifying these feelings, but sometimes I feel something is wrong. Sure the sex is amazing, but when we're not in the bedroom we could be a million miles apart from one another and it wouldn't matter. I love him, and I've made mistakes it's no lie. I know he loves me too, but I wish he would show it more than he does....I wish he would show it like he used to at the beginning of our marriage. Maybe he doesn't and I'm just blind to it, but it hurts my heart to think maybe we're drifting in different directions possibly not meant for each other. Or maybe I'm just crazy and it's all the hormones I've been on making me think out of whack. Who knows? I guess we'll just keep on trucking along until we hit either get off the bumpy road to the paved way or hit a road block. Only time will tell, b/c it heals all.
Oh, there's H*attie as well, this girl has been through alot and done alot to get her life out of whack then back on track. Her and J*ordan are back together again raising *H*, and do I get a thank you? Nope, and I've even praised him for being such a good father lately only to have it backfire on me. I used to see two of the three of them almost every weekend before we moved. Now we live a 7min drive further away than where we did and NEVER see them. It's too far. I don't get that. They break my heart and I miss them, yet to tell them that makes no difference. My older SIL lived directly across the street from us before, now they see her like they used to see us, and to see us is "Too much gas, or too far away." Please!!!! I wish they could just see all we've done for them and be greatful, yet I know that will probably never happen.
Since I've rambled on enough, I'll leave you all with my peace and blessing that everything you want in your life may come true. Best wishes!!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
On a side note the plus side is I know my protocol for next month...and it's VERY aggressive. I'm semi-excited!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
E2 re-check on Wednesday as well as an u/s. I'll keep you posted.
*Warning* If you get queasy with these types of things don't scroll on!!
Here is documentation of my bravery. I'm sooo proud of myself!!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Here it is CD9, and I've got all my meds for this cycle (so far) in me. However, I couldn't inject myself. I was too nervous and scared. Last time I got the shots given to me in the office by the nurses, b/c I wasn't able to go to the injectible class to learn how to do them. So, this time around I was given a DVD and had to do it myself. DH had to do it actually. I was shaking so bad with the first injection that I dropped the syringe. After I explained to him how to do it, he was all to eager to inflict pain on me. I could of smacked him...LOL. He said it was his pay back for having to deal with me being bitchy all week on the C*lomid. I go for my E2 levels in the morning, and my first u/s is on Wednesday. I'm hoping that I don't have to do anymore shots, as I've been doing them around 8pm and DH works 7pm-7am, so he won't be here to give them to me, and I'll have to do them myself which I don't think I can do. Any way I'll keep you all posted, keep your fingers crossed for us.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
So, we're moved. I LOVE THE NEW PLACE!!! I can not say that enough. We doubled our sq. footage, and we're buying it on land contract right now. Well, here's the deal actually.... DH and I have a couple discrepancies on our credit report that we're currently paying on. We told the current owner of this, and he agreed to make a contract that we would pay him a set monthly amount for one year, then he would take half the amount that we paid for the year and use that as a down payment for us. At the end of the year we can try to see if we can get a loan (fingers crossed we're able to), if not he'll continue to take the amount agreed upon monthly until we have paid him in full the amount he is asking for the house, garage, and property. So, either way at the end of so many years we'll be home owners whether it be through him or a bank/finance company.
In the midst of all the moving AF never arrived. I'm totally aggravated by this, and my Dr. is stumped as to why after directly coming off bcps I didn't start. I'm assuming the stress factor had alot to do with it, but whatever. Any way, I start taking pro*metrium tomorrow night for the issue. Also, *drum roll please* my protocol was changed on treatments. Not entirely, but I bypassed a step I wasn't looking forward too repeating, and I'm getting right down to business. I'm doing Clo*mid (as I mentioned) but now combined with Men*opur. As of right now my directions are to take the oral meds CD3-7, then on CD8, CD10, and CD12 (if need be) inject myself with 150iu of the injectible. I've done this before. Right before *B*, and resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I must say I'm scared, petrified actually; but there is a large part of me that is super excited and I have so much faith in this and I have a calmness.... almost like a knowing that this is the right cycle and the right time. It's strange. It took alot of persuading on my part to get my Dr. to get down to business, but I put it on the line for him that I would just seek out a Dr. that would and he would lose me as a patient and my money....and BOOM! he was writing out the scripts.
In other news..... my fun loving sister makes her way home in exactly one month. I'm looking forward to it. I miss her desperately, and I'm glad she'll be here for *B*'s 2nd birthday. Also, just for mentioning purposes my brother's fiancee is pregnant again for their third and her youngest isn't even one yet. I hate how they can just have kids without jobs and a means to an end, and here DH and I sit struggling and craving something that comes easily to them. Also, I found out today via another internet site that landlady's daughter who took Clo*mid only 2 cycles got a BFP today. She never had ovulation problems just longer than normal cycles, but begged her Dr. to put her on it, and he did. I guess it makes me a low person for praying it wouldn't happen to her before it happened to me, but it has so now I guess I have to be happy for her? Or maybe not. I'm so offended by everything that's happened that I don't know whether to be her friend or her enemy. I guess what I've always heard is true..."Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." I just don't really have a happy feeling for either of these people's pregnancies, and it pains me to admit but I think the bitterness of infertility is coming back to me with a vengeance.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
So, on May 17th DH and I celebrated 7yrs of marital bliss. It was nice. We didn't do anything special, and actually started out the day squabbling over who's turn it was to sleep in and who was getting up with *B* (I won..HA!). We ended the day with a nice dinner at my favorite Country Kitchen diner. They have fantastic homemade food there, and I would rather prefer it to any franchise restaurant. All in all it turned out to be a good day, and I spent it with the man that I gave my heart, mind, body, and soul too 7yrs ago that very day. I love you babe!
In other news....WE'RE MOVING!!! I haven't spilled the beans anywhere but here, so if you stalk me elsewhere please don't mention it there. The only reason I ask this is b/c real life and here don't mix, and this is my sanctuary. Plus, only a few select people from my IRL friends know right now (and one of those is my land-lady's daughter who doesn't know). We haven't told them we're moving yet. We've been here for almost 6yrs, and truthfully since H*attie moved out they've become slum-lords. We're not bond by any type of contract, and we do intend to tell them just not until we're almost completely moved. I know that sounds horrible on my part, and honestly I'm not that type of a person....it's just they've made renting from them miserable for a few years now. So, it's like a payback of sorts I suppose.
Any way, I love the new place. It's only about 10min from here, and it's HUGE! I'm super excited and it's like a fresh start of sorts for us. So, if you don't see a post from me for awhile it's b/c of moving which we're going to try to complete this holiday weekend, and b/c I'll be without internet until after June 2nd. (Not looking forward to that part but it'll be alright...LOL.) Alright back to packing. Wish me luck!!