Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Want That...

The other night I was talking to my sister on the phone and she was getting ready for bed. Her DH is in the Army and he was getting ready to go to bed, but she wasn't quite ready yet (I think this is because she was on the phone to me, but she would never admit that...LOL). Any how they got to laughing and joking around about the night before when they were in bed and their oldest daughter came in and climbed in bed with them. Her DH said it was "A Giggle-Fest" with both them in bed. After a few more minutes of conversation she told me she'd like to get off the phone with me so she could go to bed with B*ryan before he fell asleep. I Want That!!

My DH has worked midnight shifts for along time now. In the beginning I didn't mind it so much because it was worked better for us. We were night people raising a teenager, whom let's face it was a night person too. Now, we have *B*. DH still works nights. Granted it's only 3- 12hr shifts one week and 4- 12hr shifts (7pm-7am) the next week (lather, rinse, repeat) leaving him at home with us a huge chunk of the time, but it still sucks. His sleep schedule is still the same even on his days off usually. He is still the night person and I am now the day person (kinda, I stay up late 1am-ish and wake up early 9-10am-ish). But I do want to be able to sleep with my husband and have normal people hours, and not have to keep my child quiet throughout the day while he sleeps. But most of all I don't want us to feel like we're seeing each other in the passing and spending very little time together, anymore. I Want That.

For even more I Want That feelings... the following day I went into Wal-Mart to do some shopping. I hate going alone with only *B* as he doesn't like to stay in the cart or near the cart these days. While I was in there I ran into a girl that I was really good friends with in high school, but since then we've lost touch. She was in there with her 3 children and was visibly pregnant with another. She was dressed in nursing scrubs, didn't look frazzled at all, had the "glow", and was very patient with her children. We talked for about 10min. She told me she worked in a Dr's office doing medical billing, she was married to so-in-so, they were due in April with #4 and it was a surprise this one but they are done now and one of them is getting fixed, etc. I Want That!!

I was supposed to go on to medical school after high school. I had the scholarship and everything. Shoot me in the foot, because I choose my DH and family making instead only to realize later on I would struggle at that, and it would be the ultimate struggle of my marriage, faith, relationships, and life. I was supposed to be the one with 4 kids by now.... okay maybe not 4, but 2 with one on the way at least (we only want 3, but we're not choosy or greedy). I want the "glow" from another bun in the oven damn it. Oh and for that bun to be a surprise because we didn't have to try or go to the RE for help because we have PCOS and hypothyroidism. I want to be able to even think about having the choice of whether I should have a tubal or DH a vasectomy, because our family is complete and our baby making days are done. I want to have patience with *B*, and him not ride my very last nerve all day everyday. I want to look and seem so put together that I'm envied, instead of telling my sad sob infertility story to her feeling like a stranger instead of a long lost friend, breaking down and bawling in Wal-Mart, and then hoping nobody saw me or that I run into her again because I now feel like an emotional basket case. Sigh..... I really want all of that.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Cute Milestone Giveaway

A great blogger J over at Her Womb, Our Hearts is having a totally cute giveaway with these seriously cute decals from Picky Sticky for onsies or shirts as your little one grows. If you would like a chance to enter head on over to her giveaway page for your chance to win by clicking HERE!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Monster Bathes

This is going to be a Wordless Wednesday post, for the time being, and later on when I get more time I'll post some about me and my journey. Especially for those of you ICLW that are coming here for the first time, that way you can get to know me better. But here you have it... Bath Time for *B* aka "The Monster" at Chez Baby Dreams. Everything from playing in the tub, to getting his hair wet, to washing his toes, and getting out. Enjoy!:

Monday, February 22, 2010

Things My Husband Would NEVER Tell You...

But I will.... LOL!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. To add your own Not Me! Monday blog entry. Happy Not Me!-ing.

This is going to be a Not My Husband! post. DH would Not kill me if he knew what I was about to post... LOL! But he probably would throw a huge fit. However it makes a great blog post.

This weekend DH bought "DJ Hero" for our Wii. We've had this game system with quite a few games for what seems like forever now (which is really 3yrs) but since we moved here it's pretty much just been sitting and collect dust. So after buying this game he decided to get it out and dust it off. Then he most certainly Did Not spend Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights playing this game. In fact he spent 8hrs at it Friday night, 12hrs at it Saturday night, and 3hrs at it last night. Nope. Not My Husband!

He also Did Not go as far as to bring a dining room table chair to our living room and prop himself up directly in front of the TV with feet on the TV stand so that he could be closer to it b/c he thought it would make his gaming skills better. Nope. Not My Husband!
Then last night when he wanted me to play and I had no interest in the "DJ Hero" game and I threw a fit that he never plays any games I want to he most certainly Did Not suggest "Disney's Karaoke Sing It" game. And then proceed to sing the songs in a high pitched girlie voice.
video

NOPE. NOT MY HUSBAND!!! LOL!!! (Pardon the profanity at the end of the video and the darkness of the video I was trying to do it on the low-key so he wouldn't know.)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Metformin Hell

Here I am back again in the beginning stages of Metformin hell. I hate with the greatest of passions taking this medicine for my PCOS. But if it helped with the conception of *B*, I know it'll help for our TTC#2 attempts so I take it regardless. For the longest time though I hadn't been taking any. Simply b/c I hadn't been into a Dr. (RE) that I saw eye to eye (re: clicked with)with to get on the meds and get back into treatments after my last script of it ran out. Then I saw my family Dr. I discussed with him my want need to be back on this medicine while I wait to get into an RE of my liking. With much persuasion on my part and some testing to make sure I wasn't completely off my rocker, he agreed. I'm on 850mgs twice daily and I hate it!! (Not sure how I ever took 1000mgs twice a day before?!?!) I have all the side effects that I had when I started it before back in 2004. My stomach is an awful mess, and I'm only on day #3. I know it gets easier to take, but for the life of me at this point I can't remember and I feel like I'm dying. *sigh* The only things getting me through this is the fact that I know Metformin gives me the extra little perk of weight loss (woot, woot) and that I'm hoping to eventually see another BFP that will result in baby #2. Wish me luck, b/c I could definitely quit taking it again and it not bother me in the slightest at this point. Ugh! Hope ya'll are having a better weekend than me.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I Won A Blogging Award!!

Technically I won it awhile back ago. Like before the New Year, but with everything that was going on with me health wise with my leaky lumpy boob (Intraductal Papilloma) and all I never went back and seen how it was I went about earning it, and all that jazz. So tonite I went and checked up on it. So without further ado, here is my first award:
But I have to work for it and so will you!! I have to list 10 Things That Make My Day and then list 10 Blogs worthy of this award as well, and then you'll have the award and they'll have the award too. Don't forget you'll have to do the same... list 10 Things and 10 Blogs to earn the award (then of course copy the pic of the award to your computer and paste/upload the award pic to your own blog post saying that you received this award with your 10 and 10). Sounds confusing but not really and leave me a comment if you are confused I'll help you. Here goes...

10 Things That Make My Day
  1. When *B* comes into my room and climbs in bed with me and/or DH (when he's not working) in the middle of the night and says "Mommy, Daddy, you warm, nuggle me."
  2. When DH kisses me when leaving for work and his lips linger a little longer than the normal.
  3. When DH comes in from work in the morning, climbs in bed with me and *B* and kisses me and says "Good Morning, Beautiful."
  4. When *B* hears any type of music and shakes his butt then drops it like it's hot.
  5. When DH manages to hit the laundry hamper with all of his dirty clothes he takes off.
  6. When *B* uses the potty every single time during the day.
  7. Being able to get a shower without the curtain being pulled open, the toilet being flushed, or *B* hopping in to join me.
  8. When DH offers to cook dinner after I've had a stressful day with *B*.
  9. Being able to sit and check my e-mail, FB, Myspace, blogs and message boards all at one time without interruption (which rarely happens, but has before and definitely makes my day).
  10. Hearing *B* giggling for hours b/c he's amused, content, being tickled, or played with..... b/c let's face it his laugh is captivating.

Now 10 Blogs/Bloggers Deserving of This Award:

  1. The Averitt Fam
  2. Her Womb, Our Hearts
  3. Baby, Interrupted
  4. Journey Through Infertility And TTC
  5. I'm Living Proof GOD Has a Sense of Humor
  6. Two Shades of Pink
  7. The Chickadee Journals
  8. His & Her's Infertility
  9. The Nyberg's
  10. Newly Pregnant in NYC

Mind you I can only list 10, and there are SO many others deserving of this award, however I can only list 10, but please check out my right sidebar for other deserving blog/bloggers and good reads. Happy Thursday Ya'll!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Creme de la Creme 2009

Have you ever checked out Mel at Stirrup Queen's: Creme de la Creme list. She started this in 2006 and it's become a huge hit. It compiles a list of the best posts from the previous year that YOU from the Adoption/Loss/Infertility blogosphere submit yourself. I submitted my blog entry today to become a part of the list, (I'm not on there yet but in the queue, so keep checking for me if you'd like) and now I challenge YOU my faithful Dreamers to look back on your posts of this past year and if you meet the criteria add yourself to the list as well. There are many ways to get to where you need to be to do this. You can click on Stirrup Queen's above and scroll down on her blog on the right hand side you'll fide the Creme de la Creme list and click there. You can click Creme de la Creme above and it'll take you to the list. You can click HERE and it'll take you to the form for actually submitting your entry. Or click this cute little button that Mel made below. Good Luck and I hope to see you there.

Creme
The Best of the Adoption/Loss/Infertility Blogs of 2009

PS: If you do add yourself let me know by leaving me a link in case you're just a blog stalker. Thanks.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Great Giveaway

Are you lacking creativity in the kitchen while baking? Cookies in particular. Have no fear! Jill is hostessing a giveaway over at her blog that will help you out in that area. All you have to do is click ---------------> HERE! for your chance to enter to win. Good Luck!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Emotional Roller Coaster

Tonite has been a difficult night and the emotional roller coaster hasn't came to a stop yet. I have to admit that taking care of an on the mend child with one good arm has posed to be a task in and of itself. I really can't wait until March 4th when I get this hot pink cast off my broken non-surgery needing appendage. My house chores are piling up and I feel like I'm constantly walking through and looking at clutter. I couldn't take it any more tonite and I had a break down on the phone with my little brother's mom. Bless her heart she came and saved the night and helped me out. She washed my dishes for me, bathed *B*, and scrubbed stains out of some clothes so I could throw them in the washer. I feel so helpless at times (you'd be amazed at the things you do that you need 2 thumbs for and what you can't do when one is casted up), and like I'm a burden on others so I don't open my mouth and ask for help. However I'm scared to ask for help at times too, b/c I don't want people to think I'm helpless or incapable when clearly I'm not.... just a little handicapped for the moment. And I fear being told "No!" just as if I were a child or teenager, as funny as that sounds.

While she was here though she got the tears a flowing talking about the past and how my Dad has been and snapped out of and is slowly falling back into a lifestyle I dread. We talked about how DH almost a year ago made me give my dogs away and I felt like I was giving away a piece of my heart and my children, just b/c they "locked up" while the one was in heat. We talked about how my Dad has the one dog, and he lives right next door and I know he doesn't care for him appropriately but how DH refuses to let me have him back. And she even cared enough to sit and listen to my complete infertility battle that she didn't know about, and how we're struggling again and we can't afford to do another injectible cycle for awhile b/c we've tapped out all our savings and have crappy insurance that doesn't cover that part of it (or anything really unless it's diagnostic). It felt good to talk to someone that didn't have a clue about infertility, but listened thee entire time and cared whole heartedly.

But of course she had to leave and go home so I'm left here with a brain full of scramble working overtime. So, here I sit serving up a pity party of one, b/c while DH and I both know our fertility fate and the course of treatment telling another person makes it more real.... and well that makes my heart break. I've just been having a hard time dealing with this and feeling really overwhelmed with the mix of everything else. It doesn't help that I have friends and family having babies #2, 3, 4, etc. Or that I have very few in real life people that have been through what I have been through (scratch that actually.... maybe a fraction of what I've been through) and I don't feel as though I can really connect to them. Trust me I try, but our stories and battles are so different now. Plus I offer support (I've always been a giver) but I feel like now when I need it the most they're not doing the same for me. I realize they each have their own lives no big deal, but seriously is it to much to answer the phone when I call and say I'm busy versus me getting voicemail all the time? Guess so. There is one specifically that I don't want to go into name or much detail about, but I just feel betrayed and lied to and manipulated and put off by her constantly. I guess keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?

All I know is tonite I long for another child something fierce. *B* talks about wanting Mommy to give him a brother (personally I'd like a sister but healthy is all that matters), and my heart aches. I wish TTC weren't this difficult or such a money suck for us. All I can do is continue to pray that possibly between now and then I either win the lottery to pay for treatments or I'm blessed with a natural conception again. *sigh*

Monday, February 8, 2010

Not My Child Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. And Don't be afraid to join in the fun and add your own Not Me! Monday post.

As most of you know *B* (my little Monster) is sick. He has the cruddy croup. Before his cough came in he was just running a fever and vomiting. The first day he was sick I didn't know it really. He was running a tiny temp, but nothing drastic and I thought it was just his molars. So, we headed out to Wal-Mart. (We were due to get pounded by a snow storm/blizzard and I wanted to be prepared.) I had him in the seat part of the cart and I had my cart full of groceries. I rounded the corner to go in the infant/child section for some nite-time pull-ups when he decides NOT to give me any warning then proceeds to burp and vomit all over the the rack of diapers. Then says "Mommy my belly hurts." Nope. Not My Child!

As if that wasn't bad enough and I wasn't mortified already. He then screams at the top of his lungs "G*d D*mn Pooook!" Making everyone stare even more. (Thanks DH for saying this totally inappropriate phrase.) He's definitely Not My Child! now.

The mess got cleaned up in Wal-Mart and we made it home and 14in of snow and 36hrs of vomiting, on-and-off fever, and a newly developed cough and snot nose later made it to his pediatrician's office. Once there and getting checked out it's like everything is alright, although I knew differently b/c he was still whinning and NOT acting himself. The Dr. orders up some tests that we have to go to the hospital and lab to get done. When we arrive there we get the chest x-ray first, b/c I knew if he got blood drawn first he would NOT sit still for the x-ray. In radiology he proceeds to hack and sneeze all over the place, and when I wasn't paying close enough attention wipe his snot that had run down his lip when sneezing on the x-ray board. "Are you serious he DID NOT just do that?!?!" (Oh it gets better...) When we arrived at the vampire lab after x-ray and the blood suckers were trying to be all cutesy with him saying they were looking for his muscles when looking for a vein and then tied that thing (can't think of the name of it right now) around his arm when they found it and it pinched; he said "Sh*t!" Of course they thought it was cute and had to laugh at him making him say it again. So, when they finally stuck the needle in he screams "SH*T!" and cries. They're NOT laughing now, and he's NOT MY CHILD! b/c I certainly HAVE NOT raised him to act like this.

Oh how I love hate the terrible 2's, and I've heard 3 isn't much better. *sigh* PS: He's still sick, but showing some improvement. At least he's eating now after 5 days of only fluids that he mostly threw-up.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

American Idol and General Larry Platt eat your heart out:



What do ya think? Is *B* "The Next American Idol?" LOL!