My DH has worked midnight shifts for along time now. In the beginning I didn't mind it so much because it was worked better for us. We were night people raising a teenager, whom let's face it was a night person too. Now, we have *B*. DH still works nights. Granted it's only 3- 12hr shifts one week and 4- 12hr shifts (7pm-7am) the next week (lather, rinse, repeat) leaving him at home with us a huge chunk of the time, but it still sucks. His sleep schedule is still the same even on his days off usually. He is still the night person and I am now the day person (kinda, I stay up late 1am-ish and wake up early 9-10am-ish). But I do want to be able to sleep with my husband and have normal people hours, and not have to keep my child quiet throughout the day while he sleeps. But most of all I don't want us to feel like we're seeing each other in the passing and spending very little time together, anymore. I Want That.
For even more I Want That feelings... the following day I went into Wal-Mart to do some shopping. I hate going alone with only *B* as he doesn't like to stay in the cart or near the cart these days. While I was in there I ran into a girl that I was really good friends with in high school, but since then we've lost touch. She was in there with her 3 children and was visibly pregnant with another. She was dressed in nursing scrubs, didn't look frazzled at all, had the "glow", and was very patient with her children. We talked for about 10min. She told me she worked in a Dr's office doing medical billing, she was married to so-in-so, they were due in April with #4 and it was a surprise this one but they are done now and one of them is getting fixed, etc. I Want That!!
I was supposed to go on to medical school after high school. I had the scholarship and everything. Shoot me in the foot, because I choose my DH and family making instead only to realize later on I would struggle at that, and it would be the ultimate struggle of my marriage, faith, relationships, and life. I was supposed to be the one with 4 kids by now.... okay maybe not 4, but 2 with one on the way at least (we only want 3, but we're not choosy or greedy). I want the "glow" from another bun in the oven damn it. Oh and for that bun to be a surprise because we didn't have to try or go to the RE for help because we have PCOS and hypothyroidism. I want to be able to even think about having the choice of whether I should have a tubal or DH a vasectomy, because our family is complete and our baby making days are done. I want to have patience with *B*, and him not ride my very last nerve all day everyday. I want to look and seem so put together that I'm envied, instead of telling my sad sob infertility story to her feeling like a stranger instead of a long lost friend, breaking down and bawling in Wal-Mart, and then hoping nobody saw me or that I run into her again because I now feel like an emotional basket case. Sigh..... I really want all of that.