Allergies & Post-partum Visit

I can't hardly believe that today Little Miss *A* is 6wks old. It doesn't hardly seem possible that she could be this old already. She's getting more consistant about her sleeping schedule at night. She'll take a bottle around 10pm, then one around 2-3am, and then 6am. After each feeding she goes straight back to sleep until the 6am feeding then she wants to be awake. Usually throughout the day after each feeding she is awake for anywhere from 1-3hrs and then just catnaps for 30min-1hr when she does sleep. At each feeding she is now eating 2.5oz (75ml's).

She had to go to the Dr. today to be seen for a rash that is all over her head and neck. While we were there she was weighed and measured. She now weighs 7lbs12oz and is 19in. This still puts her in the 5th percentile on preemie growth charts. Any way, we were there for her rash. As it turns out she has a severe allergy to something. Her pediatrician asked if we did anything different (which we hadn't), and said it could be anything from our body soap, to lotion, to perfume/cologne, to laundry detergents. He told us to change each thing one at a time to something that was scent-free and dye-free if we thought it was something we were using. After thinking about if we had changed anything different I remember that the Pu*rex scent crystals scent I had been using I had changed to another scent. So I'm going to quit using that and see if it helps. In the meantime we have to use hydrocortisone .5% cream on her affected areas.

I also had my 6wk post-partum visit today. Everything is looking good, and I was advised against unprotected intercourse for the next year. The OB asked if there was a type of birth control that I had used before for prevention, and there hasn't been. There has only been BCPs I've used to reduce cysts. He asked what we planned on using for birth control, and honestly other than condoms and DH getting the big V after the first of the year I hadn't thought about it. We are definitely done with our one boy and one girl... but I don't think that preventing is something that we should have to worry about with all the IF issues we have faced. I know that we've conceived both of our babies naturally without the help of medical intervention when we had given up trying so it can and could happen again, but preventing just isn't for me or us. I feel that even though I've went through 2 rough pregnancy & deliveries, and had 1 preemie that if God (or devine intervention at this point) intends for us to conceive another child before the big V, then that is what will happen. In the meantime condoms it is... when we're not to tired to do all that and when we remember.

One Month Old

Little Miss *A*,

Today you are one month old. It hardly seems that you can be this old already. Maybe it's b/c you have only been home from the hospital for 2wks, so to me it feels as though you're only 2wks old. Earlier this week you had your 2wk home from the hospital post-partum check up for growth and development to make sure that you are staying on track. You weighed 6lbs15oz and was 18.75in at this appt. You are still my petite little preemie, and even on the preemie charts this only puts you in the 5th precentile for growth & development. I guess that would be why you are still in preemie sized clothing and why they are still a little big on you.

Since you have been home we have been allowed to let you sleep as long as you will sleep at night before waking and wanting a bottle. The longest that you have went has been 4hr15min straight. However, you have your days and nights super confused and when you wake for a bottle between 3-4am you want to stay awake until the sun rises. I blame this on you being in the NICU since they always would weigh, measure, bathe, and do your other vitals on night shift at the start of a new day (usually early morning hours)... thus you are confused. I'm hoping that as you get older we can change this.

You are still wanting to eat every 3hrs usually, except for your stretch at night but that is pretty close to 3hrs too. The amount that you take is still a struggle too. I know that as long as you take an 1 1/2 ounces (45ml's) per feeding right now that you will be alright your pediatrician says but that is the least amount that you should be taking. There are some feeding that you will take 2oz (60ml's) but that is a stretch. You are still on Simi*lac Neo*sure as you need the extra calories, but your pediatrician says that eventually you'll catch up and then you'll come off of that type of formula. Either way it doesn't bother me as long as you're staying on track and you don't end up back in the hospital for anything.

The past couple of days you have figured out what and where your hair is. I will catch you several times a day with your hand in the back of your head wide open feeling your hair. You get wide eyed with amazment when you do this, but I'm glad that you are learning and exploring already. Speaking of your hands (actually your thumbs), I think that if we would let you that you would be a thumb sucker. This is follwing in true fashion of your Aunt Blu who was a thumb sucker. I think that it is adorable that you are doing this, but I'm not sure how adorable it'll be in a year if you keep it up and we can't break you of the habit. So, we've been covering your hands with the flaps on your sleepers and listening to you whine while we rock you to sleep, b/c we refuse to give in to giving you back the pacifier.

Otherwise my sweet girl you are growing and developing and perfect in every way. You have cam into our crazy chaotic family and made it even crazier and more chaotic, but we wouldn't know what we would do without you, b/c you've made our lives complete! We love you more and more each day, and you are truly one of our greatest blessings.

Love-

Mama

And In the Blink Of An Eye... She's Here!!

This is my final belly pic that was taken from my pregnancy. It was taken on July 23th and I was exactly 37wks pregnant. Little did I know at the time that this would be the last belly pic or that in two days time when I went into my OB's office for my NST that things would change.On July 25th when I went for my NST appt I thought it would be an appt like any other. However upon arrival I already had that gut feeling that this would be the last full day that I would be pregnant. I had had a severe headache for 3 days & the end of the 23rd I started swelling and it didn't go down. I packed my hospital bag and headed to the OB. When I arrived my BP was taken and I peed in a cup. My protien dipstick was a +3 spill over & my BP was 194/90. I was hooked up to the NST monitor. After an hour on the monitor and a couple of contractions with very little movement other than vigorous distressed movement that made the Little Miss' heart rate drop my OB finally came in my room. He went over the NST strip printout & then checked me & did an u/s. I was 2cm dialated & she was weighing 5lbs15oz give or take a bit. He told me that things didn't look very well and it was in mine and her best interest for her to be outside of me rather than inside. He then instructed me to go straight to L&D to be admitted and for pitocin to be started.

I left his office in a haze. I called DH who was at work to let him know what was going on and that he need to get to the hospital ASAP. I drove around the hospital to the main entrance and went to L&D. I was admitted, blood work was drawn, & the IV with pitocin & magnesium sulfate for my high BP was started all by 5pm. DH finally arrived & the contractions were getting intense. I continued to contract regularly & be checked every couple of hours. At 9pm, I called- the nurse to tell her I couldn't handle the pain any longer and to see if I could be checked again so I could get my epidural. I was still only 2cm dialated & -2 station, but I was having trouble breathing through the contractions and was crying b/c they hurt so badly. The nurse decided to call my OB to see if he would allow pain medication in my IV, instead he told her to call the anesthesiologist for my epidural so that I could progress with dialation. At 9:30pm I received my epidural and I was pain-free and in heaven.

At midnight I was checked again and I was a stretchy 7cm almost an 8 and at a 0 station. I was comfortable, but I couldn't sleep. I kept getting the chills & shakes that you get when you receive and epidural so it was hard for me to sleep. Plus I was too excited to sleep knowing that it wouldn't be very long before I would be meeting my baby girl. At 3am I started to be able to feel my contractions again and I had the urge to push, so I called for the nurse. When she checked me she said that I was complete and had a bulging bag of water & told me absolutely do not push. She paged my OB. At 3:25am my OB had arrived and was checking me only to find the same thing as the nurse and he too instructed me not to push. At this point the bed was then broke down, everyone got into position & gowned up. At 3:41am my OB broke my bag of water, and told me when I felt my next contractions to push with full force. 2 contractions, 2 pushes, and 2 minutes later my daughter made her presence into the world.

I'd like to Welcome to the World my beautiful daughter Alianna Brooke!!

Born: July 26, 2011 at 3:43am

Weight: 5lbs5oz Height: 18.5in Apgars: 6 & 7

When she was born she had issues with her breathing and had to be rushed to the NICU. I never got to hold her, and only got to see her for about 30 seconds. She had to be put on a machine to help her breathe called a C-Pap to begin with, but after about 6hrs and still struggling to breathe with that she had to be intubated and put on a ventilator with steriod medicine dispersed in the oxygen for her lungs. It was determined that she had lung immaturity with what is known as "sticky lungs." After 24hrs of being on the ventilator she began breathing over it was again put back on C-Pap. A couple of days later she finally was down graded to a nasal cannula, only to end up back on C-Pap b/c it was thought that she had developed pneumonia. On Sunday, July 31st another chest x-ray was done for the pneumonia & her lab work came back and it was determined that it was only her lung sticking together again with the sticky lung. She was able to go back to nasal cannula that day, and by the next day she didn't even need that. She went into an incubator type isolette from a warming bed at this point and was breathing room air. At this time she was also being treated for jaundice, and had to be under a glow lamp.

At this point all she had been given in the way of food had been formula through a feeding tube in her mouth and then again in her nose, so the battle began. She had to learn how to eat on her own. How to suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time. She struggled with this, and started out at only 10cc's which is only 1/3 of an ounce of formula. This amount was well below the amount that she should be taking for her age and weight. Finally on August 8th she had mastered eating what she was supposed to (42cc's) in the 15-20 minute time frame she was alotted and was able to hold her body temperature outside of the isolette, and was allowed to finally go home. She was 13 days old, and from the very beginning God had a plan for when she would arrive in the world and how things would go. I say this b/c she was born on my deceased MIL's birthday, and came home my deceased best-friend's birthday.
She's 17 days old today and as of this past Wednesday she weighed 6lbs even at the pediatrician's office. I love being a mother of two, but it's been a huge transition and trying to split my time between the two (especially when she was in the hospital) has been my greatest challenge... but it's not one that I would change any part of for anything in the world.

Fears, Complications, & Meltdowns

I can't believe I'm in the home stretch of this pregnancy. It's a surreal feeling being 36w2d along. Lately there has been quite a bit of stuff going on. So, I'll start with how I titled this post.

Fears: I keep thinking about if I'll be able to handle being a mother of 2. I'm great as a mother of *B*, but I don't want him to feel left out when the Little Miss arrives. That is one of my biggest fears is if I'll be able to manage my time accordingly when I already know I'll be a single mom throughout the day and babies take up a huge amount of anyone's time. I worry that *B* will feel left out. I worry that even though the Little Miss has flipped and is now currently head down that I'll still end up having to have a c-section. I'm scared that my hormonal pregnancy attitude I've been sporting that has alienated most all people in my life is starting to sneak into my marriage. I know that DH loves me and I love him, but somedays I feel as though our marriage is hanging by a thread b/c I'm so bitchy. I'm scared that I'll have PPD again and I won't be able to function and I'll be left at home with 2 kids sitting on the couch or in the chair bawling and in shambles while my DH works hard to support us. Maybe it's just me, but I'm hoping that these are all normal late pregnancy fears, and that everything will be alright.

Complications: Apparently I am sporting the pregnancy complications of pre-e again. This past Thursday I was admitted into L&D for high BP (190s/90s) and protien in my urine. Once I got there and got all settled with meds my BP started to come down, but I'm still not out of the woods. My 24hr urine protien came back at 185, which was lower than my original baseline urine of 191.2. I have to have twice a week NSTs now and I'm on strict bedrest until this Saturday when I'll be 37wks and my OB says whatever happens happens and he'll let her come into this world if need be. Can I just say how hard it was to be away from DH & *B* for 24hrs. I have no clue how I'm going to be able to do it once the Little Miss actually does arrive in the world. I just hope that I don't keep having high BPs as they make me so sick and so very moody. Guess time will only tell.

Meltdowns: Yep, that should be my middle name these days. Everytime I turn around I'm snapping at this person or that person. I have a strong patience for everyone and everything usually but I just can not handle being pregnant anymore and all the non-caring, stupidity stricken, nagging, and annoying people that surround me. I know I'm almost at the end of this pregnancy and these hormones will go away but in the meantime I'm killing off relationships I have with others one by one. In the moment it feels good b/c then I know I won't have to deal with the preson anymore the rest of this pregnancy, but after thought and it's all said and done I realize I'll probably kill off the relationship permanently not just until I'm no longer pregnant and that greatly saddens me. In the meantime I'm just trying to steer clear of everyone unless they come and ask me what is going on so that I don't lose another friendship or family member.

So, with all that being said... HURRY UP 38WKS AND GET HERE ALREADY!! I'm miserable & I'm over ready to be done.

35w0d

I feel like such a slacker when it comes to documenting this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with *B* I was on top of everything. I never wanted to forget a moment, no matter how big or small it was. Now that I'm already a mother and this is my second pregnancy (and I hate to admit this) I don't feel as documenting everything is so significant. I don't want my daughter to feel as though she's second rate and I didn't care as much, but fact is I do. It's just this pregnancy has been so eventful (not that *B*'s wasn't just as eventful) and having a 4yr old to go with that has made blogging about all the little things (and the big things too apparently) really hard.

So, any way... I'm exactly 35wks pregnant today. My belly sure has grown since my last belly shot post:

I've done really good with taking belly shots every couple of weeks even if I don't post them.

The gestational diabetes has been treating me fairly decently. I've had to increase my meds twice (about every 3wks) since I found out. My high risk OB said that this is fairly common in pregnancy with women with GD that had PCOS with IR prior to pregnancy. I've only gained a total of 17lbs this entire pregnancy. That is way different from the 49lbs I gained with *B*.

I've recently been being closely monitored for the potential of pre-e. I had pre-e with my son that developed into toxemia where I started to have temor like seizures in my extremities. The risks of having pre-e again are fairly minimal in an uncomplicated pregnancy, but since I have GD the stress of dealing with that can also cause an increase in the risk of having pre-e. My blood pressures had been good, but they fluctuate and my last couple appts were a bit on the higher side of normal. Not to mention that I had a +2 on the urine dipstick for protien. I had to do the 24hr urine clean catch which showed a protien count of 192. Over 300 is considered dangerous, so it's up there but I'm not in the worry zone about it quite yet.

However, I am in the worry zone about having a c-section. The Little Miss is still breech (as of yesterday to be exact). She's in a frank breech position... meaning her head and feet are at the top of my uterus while her butt is in my pelvic region. My high risk OB discussed with my doing a technique called aversion rotation to try to flip her starting at 36wks gestation and doing it each week until she flips or my "term" date* that they have made for me. He mentioned a few of the risks with percentages on each, and of course all of the benefits with success percentages. I watched a couple videos on YouTube of this procedure, and it looks so scary and mega painful to her and me.

*My "term" date has been established at 38wks gestation b/c of me having GD. They don't want her to get too big, and the last 4wks of gestation is when babies pack on the pudge. Also, b/c she is breech going past 38wks with the potential poundage she could put on makes a c-section after this period in pregnancy alot more complicated as well.

I start going to my regular OB starting this week twice a week for NSTs. I love hearing her little heartbeat on the monitors. Unfortunately I don't love that I have to do this twice a week b/c of the contractions I've been having. I'm 1cm dialated currently, and only 10-15% thinned and effaced. I've only got 3wks left and I've begun the count down. I'm getting uncomfortable as the heat & humidity climbs around here, so I'm just ready to be done already. But anyhow, that is the update on the pregnancy homefront around these here parts. I'll try to keep ya'll updated as things progress or change. In the meantime I'm off to soak up the summer sun with my DH, god-daughter, & amazing son. Hope ya'll are doing the same.

WARNING: SYSTEM OVERLOAD!!!

MELTDOWN IN 3.... 2.... 1.... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

(So, that you're aware before you proceed through this entry there is some vulgarity, alot of whining, bitching, and complaining. You are forewarned.)

The past two weeks have been weeks from hell, to put it mildly. It started with going to my new OB for my first appt. That wasn't that bad. But, I had to have the 1hr GTT done, that all women get done while at this point in their pregnancy. I failed that with flying colors, of course. So, I had the 3hr GTT done. Failed that too with flying colors. So, I had to see a diabetic dietitian and a diabetic counseling nurse. All that was fine too. What wasn't fine was that even given my new diet plan, and following it to the "T" I was having high sugars and severe lows. So, I had to call my OB to let him know what was going on. He then increased my oral insulin (Gly*buride) and referred me to a high risk specialist that deals with nothing but pregnant women that have gestational diabetes. The problem with this is it is an hour and forty-five minute drive away from where I live. Shit!

Seriously having GD has been a huge pain in my ass, and I've only been dealing with it for a week and a half. I hate having headaches from bouncing sugars. I hate having to watch my diet and my total carb count. I hate feeling shakey when my sugar drops to rapidly. I hate pricking my fingers 7 times a day. I hate that I have sore fingertips that even hurt to type let alone do anything else with. I hate that I have to sit by watching my family eat things I love, while I can't do it. I hate that this has honestly been the one complication that I've had so far, when I was really looking forward to an uneventful pregnancy this go round since my pregnancy with *B* was so complicated & intense. I hate that I feel like I can no longer enjoy this pregnancy, and that I feel like I'm counting down the days until it'll be over just so that I don't have to deal with this shit anymore.

If you've ever had GD, and have never dealt with sugar issues before I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. It is like torture for a pregnant person. You want to eat when you want to eat, and you want to eat what you want to eat whenever. I constantly feel like I'm starving b/c I'm only allowed to eat every 3hrs, and the the options I have to eat feel limiting to me and most certainly do not fill me up. Oh and then there is the drinking water and only water thing. I love water don't get me wrong. It's my go to drink. However, I like to drink a sweet tea or a can of soda every once in awhile. If you drink one 12oz drink of either that is already one 30g total carb meal or snack and you haven't even ate anything with it. ARGH! Oh and it's summer and two of my favorite things to eat (ice cream & popscicles) are HUGE no-no's.

I know I need to be looking to the brighter side of things and seeing that this is such a small price to pay to ensure optimal health for my in-utero daughter who needs me, but damn it's sooooo hard for me. I'm doing better on my higher dosage sugar med, but it still feels like I'm depriving myself of things. I just have to keep telling myself there is only 11wks or less until she makes her presence in the world, and I can do it. I have to do it, for her health and my own.

Oh and as if dealing with having GD isn't bad enough *B* had his adnoid & tonsilectomy done a week ago today. He didn't have to have tubes put in his ears thank goodness. He was a champ at eating directly after the surgery with 2 popscicles, a chocolate chip cookie, chicken & stars soup with crackers, orange sherbet ice cream, about 5 bites of a sub I was eating for lunch, and some gold* fish crackers. His appetite is much different now though. I'm lucky to get him to eat one thing a day and drink 12oz or so of fluid. He's healing fine, but his whining from pain has me at my breaking point too. I know that he can't change how he feels thus he can't change his reactions to how he feels, but it's very exhausting for me. DH helps as much as he can when he's not working, but most times I feel like he makes him cry when he's home. I know he doesn't mean to and he's just parenting *B* how he should be parented when he's not sore, it's just that it's hard on me seeing him crying. I tend to give him whatever he wants when DH isn't here just so that I don't have to listen to the constant whimpering and whining that has become and everyday thing now for a week.

Go ahead pass me the Bad Mother Award, I don't give a shit. I'm dealing with enough as it is, what's one more thing to deal with or be criticized on. I can't wait until he's back to 100%... it most certainly can not come fast enough. I think this Mama needs a vacation... PRONTO!

*sigh*

Failed A Test

Hey ya'll!! Long time no blog. Things are going good here on the pregnancy & home fronts. Today I am currently 27w1d pregnant, and things seem to be moving along quite well. However, there have been a couple of minor (and one major, but now resolved) setbacks.

First and foremost the major set back was having to find a new OB at 22wks pregnant. I went in for my last OB visit with my old (but new to my gynecological history) Dr. When I was in there it was the 3 appt. that I had asked him about monitoring my TSH levels for my hypothyroidism. I also asked him about getting re-fills for my Metformin, Synthroid, and what he was going to do about my BP since he had taken me off of my BP meds at the beginning of my pregnancy and I was having slightly elevated BPs. His responses to my questions made me shutter. He told me to go off my Metformin completely and he wasn't prescribing me a re-fill for it and that I shouldn't even be taking it while pregnant. Any PCOSer that has been pregnant and carried to term should know that remaining on Metformin throughout your pregnancy is extremely beneficial. It helps prevent miscarriage early on in pregnancy AND later in pregnancy helps to prevent pre-term labor (which I am/was at risk for both). I asked him if he had medical documents for proof of these findings, b/c my previous OB had told and showed me things contray to these statements of his he was telling. His response was I'm sure I do but, I'll have to look for them. In the meantime go off the Metformin and get your GTT done.

I again asked him about my thyroid after he had said this all to me, and he told me I wasn't presenting with signs of my TSH being out of order so he didn't think that I needed it tested. Ladies with hypothyroidism, please if your OB tells you this while pregnant... FIND ANOTHER OB!! Having your TSH level test frequently (like every 4-6wks) while pregnant is crucial. If your TSH is out of order at anytime throughout your pregnancy and your medication is not regulated it can harm your baby's brain development in-utero and also cause developmental delays for your child once s/he is born. I questioned his judgement on this and again he repeated himself to me.

Also, about the BP meds. He told me that I had nothing to worry about that my BP was fine. Ummm, not hardly. I had pre-e that changed into eclampsia and finally toxemia while I was pregnant with *B*. This is caused from unmonitored or untreated hypertension and your body's natural defense mechanism fromt eh liver filtering out the toxins appropriately. Being that I have had chronic hypertension since early 2006 before I was ever pregnant with my son and then extreme hypertension involving the complications that I had with him, this is something that any OB should definitely be on top of throughout your pregnancy instead of letting it go.

Over all I just felt like I had slipped through the cracks in the care of this OB and office, AND that he is a quack!! So, I started with calling my insurances once I left his office and finding out if I could switch Dr's this late in my pregnancy. I was told yes, but that I might have a difficult time finding one that would accept me since I was past 20wks pregnant. They gave me a list of OBs affiliated with different hospitals within a certain distance of me that accepted my insurances. I started calling, and thankfully the very last OB that I had contacted and was waiting on hearing back from on if they would accept me called back. His office would indeed accept me. So, this past Monday was my first appt.

When I went in there I had been suffering from severe migraines that weren't allergy related. I thought for sure they were from having high BPs. My BP when I was in there was only 122/80, and I had a migraine. This new OB was so thorough, and I was very pleased with him. He went along with everything my original OB had told me about my meds and monitoring. We spoke in his office, then I went to an exam room and was looked over, and finally ended in the u/s room getting to see the Little Miss. She was measuring right on track, weighing in at 1lb13oz so far, and her HR was 146bpm. The OB said that my headaches could be anything from high BP (which it wasn't high that day) to sugar issues to allergies to changing hormone levels. He ordered a whole battery of bloodwork including the 1hr GTT. That is the test I failed, and it is one that I couldn't study or prepare for. When the nurses called the following day about my test results she told me I had failed it miserably, that they don't like to see numbers over 130 and mine was pushing 300. So, I was ordered the to do the 3hr GTT.

That test was done on Friday the 13th. I don't have the results back yet for that (but will tomorrow), and I'm not superstitious but I don't have high expectations for the results from this test. It was like torture for me (and if you've ever had it done you too). I had to fast for 12hrs before the initial blood FBS blood draw. That level came back at 122 after not eating or drinking for 12hrs. Then I had to drink that nasty overloaded with sugar flat Orange Sunkist tasting drink. Blech! At the end of the test I had been poked 5 times for blood draws ever hour on the hour (I only needed to be poked 4 times but one time the lab tech blew threw my vein), had an extreme migraine as well as the shakes. You don't realize how hungry you are when you're pregnant until you've been forced to go without for food for 15 1/2hrs. Yeah, extreme torture is the only way I can go about describing the 3hr GTT.

So, those are my major and minor set backs... but honestly unless I find out I failed the 3hr GTT I don't think they are that bad now looking back. So, that being said I'll leave you with my belly shots from 20wks, 22wks, 24wks (Easter Sunday), and 26wks (last week, Mother's Day). The Little Miss is growing like a weed and so is my belly. I just wish I could feel her on the outside more, instead of feeling on her kicking in my cervical area. She's still breech the little stinker any way. Enjoy!

Sorry To Keep You Waiting But...

I'm still waiting too. :( We went to the gender u/s & of course our little one wouldn't cooperate with revealing his or her bits. The Dr. went over everything and said that all perfect parts of our little Lovebug were just that... PERFECT!! In the beginning of the u/s he thought he saw little boy parts, but at the end of the u/s he thought the baby was looking more like a girl. I'm kind of thinking that my Dr's u/s equiptment might be from the Ic*e A*ge or something actually. I mean I know the TV we get to few the u/s on is since I can only get VHS tapes made of the u/s and I don't even own a VCR. But alas I took my camera and shot a video. Be fore-warned when you watch this video that it is VERY shakey at some points and may make you nauseous... the camera switched hands from mine to DH's at a point b/c I had to push on my belly and reposition my fat flap so the Dr. could get a better view. You can see the shots he did get from between the legs, and tell me what you think. And if you want to hear the commentary from the u/s turn up the volume. :)

Baby was in a breech anterior position for most of the u/s so it was hard to see things. Plus, the baby was in this knees to his or her chest with his or her ankles crossed in an indian style seating position. But, as I said you can watch the video and tell me what you think the gender is from seeing other u/s's. DH won't let me buying anything with a specific pink or blue color since we don't know. I'm bummed about that... but at least we'll get to try for a second attempt at the gender on April 11th. However I'm thinking about going to a 3D/4D ultrasound places in a week or so to get another u/s done, but this time in 3D/4D.

Enjoy the video and Happy Hump Day!!

Headed To The OB

We're getting ready to leave for the BIG REVEAL ULTRASOUND!! Please send some open leg with it all hanging out vibes our way this morning. Appt is at 9:30am, and I'll update with the gender of our Lovebug as soon as I'm home. Happy Tuesday ya'll!!

PS: Voting in the gender poll lasts until the time of the start of our appt. So vote if you haven't... we're curious to see how your votes weigh-in against what the gender really is. :)

Belly Shots

My first belly shots that I have taken for this pregnancy. I feel like I'm slacking on documenting this pregnancy with Baby#2, since I started with *B* at the moment I found out I was pregnant. Any way, everything has been going well (knock on wood). My belly is growing and I'm looking more round in the belly instead of that pleasantly plump look. Here are my 15w2d & 17w0d belly shots in order accordingly.

I'm starting to get really excited about finding out the gender of our bundle of joy. Actually more like anxious. I find out this coming Tuesday. (For those that haven't voted yet in my gender poll, it's over there in the right sidebar... I'm curious to know what you think we're having.) I can't wait to start buying baby stuff, and I can't wait to know if I can start picking out pink or blue instead of the gender neutral items that we've been buying for the baby.

Speaking of buying things for the baby, last weekend was the first time we'd bought anything. DH, my bestie *J*, *B*, and I all went for a day trip. We went to a child clothing consignment shop. We got a few sleepers & onsies, the diaper bag I wanted, baby monitors, and a cute little pair of airwalk flip flops in size 1. DH got so excited when we bought that stuff, and said that he couldn't wait to start buying other things. Of course first we want to know the gender, but I thought it is was really cute that he was getting excited about the baby since we haven't really showed that much excitement about him or her b/c of the fear of m/c-ing.

Battling The Sickies

I'm so tired of everyone in my family being sick, especially my little man. My poor *B* has been sick with a horrible cough and runny (green snot) nose since early November. I've been religiously taking him to see his pediatrician like clock work about every 14-15days. He's been on different antibiotics 6 different times in the past 3 1/2 months. He is always prescribed to take them 10days, and within 3-5days of finishing the medicine he's right back to the same symptoms. It's to the point he doesn't even want to take medicine any more, and yet he still sounds like a hound dog when coughing and is no better.

My Mommy heart breaks for him, b/c there is nothing that I can other than what I've been doing which is everything. I'm beginning to hate his pediatrician too, b/c I feel like she doesn't listen to me and that to her I'm just another mother that doesn't follow through with giving her child their meds. I'm not that type of Mom at all. Just 2wks ago I ended up in an arguement with her over this on-going ailment we've been dealing with. Poor *B*'s ears have been sensetive to sounds since mid-December, and each time we're in there I tell her and she says there is nothing wrong with his ears. I finally put my foot down and told her I thought she was a quack and that her specialty was pediatrics not the ears, nose, and throat and I wanted a referral to an ENT for him. After her (always drops the ball) staff took their sweet ass time (a week) and I called in there complaining I finally got the referral for my insurance for the ENT. The bad part is the appt isn't until March 22nd.

I have to call in daily to see if I can get an earlier an appt if there's a cancellation, but so far no luck. *B*'s poor stomach and pelvic floor muscles are so weak from all his coughing that he dribble pees his pants everytime he coughs. He'll come to me so upset and crying over this loss of dignity that he gained when becoming fully potty trained. My poor heart breaks for him many times a day, but I comfort him letting him know it's not his fault and everything will be alright. I also reassured him that he's not the only one that is experiencing this, as Mommy being sick and being pregnant is causing me to do the same thing. Of course I got a smile out of him from that, and a huge hug.

The worst part about him and this on-going sickness is that I keep getting it. I've been on 3 different antibiotics since becoming pregnant for the the same symptoms he has. Just this past week all three of us were deathly ill with the same symptoms (coughing, gagging until we puke, sinus congestion, and eventually runny noses with lots of sneezing). We all started the Z-pack this past Friday. DH no longer has any symptoms. I still have a tickle in my throat with a cough. *B* still sounds the same as when he began the medicine. *B* and I both ended up in the ER for dehydration. It's a vicious cycle that keeps repeating and I just wish that for once we could all be healthy, but apparently that's asking to damned much. ARGH!

On a side note: With having been so sick and not being able to keep anything down and being seen in the ER... I had to see the OB to make sure the baby was alright. I got an u/s done on Fri. when I was in there to get my script for the Z-pack, and baby was very active even though I'd only had a slice of toast in my system for the past 4days prior to the appt. The heartrate was 158bpm. My BP on Fri. was 140/87, but my OB wasn't worried he said it was my body's defense mechanism dealing with the stress of the sickness. I had to go back in there yesterday so that he could make sure that I was improving on the meds, and make sure he didn't need to admit me. On the doppler yesterday the baby's heartrate bounced between 152 and 158bpm. My BP was 128/78, and just over the weekend and being prescribed what I'm calling the miracle medicine (ph*energan) I gained back 4 of the 5lbs I had lost in the week before. So, baby is good even though I've been sick, and slowly I'm on the mend... just wish the little man was too.

One last side note: Don't forget to vote on my right sidebar on the baby's gender. Voting ends March 15th before the gender u/s. I'm curious to see what ya'll think we're having. Oh and I'm 14w2d today.

Official Pregnancy Related News

Today was my last appt for PIO shots. Thank goodness for that, b/c my hips look like they've been the center of a battle zone. If you haven't ever had to have PIO shots let me tell you the serum is so thick it reminds me of glue, and it HURTS being injected in. I'm thankful for these shots though and the fact that it has kept my little Lovebug nestled deep in my uterus.

Also, today I was released from bedrest!! WOOT WOOT for this. I never had any complications to put me on bedrest except for my previous m/c's, so it was just precautionary but I was starting to get stir crazy. I was only going out once a week on my appt days, and I felt like I was cut off from the outside world b/c of this. I've been told to take it easy and not to over do it since the PIO will be wearing off and the natural progesterone from the placenta will take over in the next week and a half. I can take it easy, but I do know it sure will be nice to be able to do more.

Lastly, at my appt today my gender u/s was scheduled. We'll be finding out what we're having on March 15th. I'm soooo excited and can't wait. With that being said I'm going to put a poll up on on my sidebar for ya'll to vote on what you think we're having. Either way I don't care as long as everything keeps going as it has been (uneventful... knock on wood) and we have a healthy baby sometime from late July to mid August!! So, guess away!!

C-ya, Bye First Trimester!!

Today I'm currently 12w3d. There's alot of date confusion on when the first trimester is over, but I'm proclaiming it over. My OB-GYN told me this past Friday that I would be in the second trimester as of the following day, so I'm taking his word for it. Speaking of OB appts., this coming Friday will be my last for the PIO shots. I must say that even though I'm nervous about going off the shots, I'm also relieved that my hips will no longer be in pain and the bruising will begin to subside. I'll also be completely off bedrest then as well. My OB also told me that 5wks from this Friday I'll get the gender u/s. I'm soooo excited to find out the sex of this little Lovebug, but either way I just would like a healthy baby.

The first trimester for this baby was so much different than when I was pregnant with *B*. When I was pregnant with *B* I was so horribly sick. It started at 6wks and lasted until I was a little past 15wks. I was sick all day every day and there were many of times I would wake from a dead sleep just to pray to the porcelain God. This pregnancy I've had none of that. I've been nauseous a hand-full (one hand-full) of times, and I can count all my bouts with vomiting on 3 fingers (knock on wood). I really haven't had that much in the way of symptoms except an insatiable appetite and acne like you would think I'm a teenager.

I'm already get a baby bump that I've had a few friends comment on. To me though, I just feel fat and bloated still. However, I do know that most of my regular pants are starting to feel very snug on my expanding belly.

I can't begin to explain how happy I am to be out of the first trimester. I'm able to breathe a sigh of relief just knowing this. I'm also happy that this little one has been a sticky one, and I've had a very uneventful pregnancy thus far. I just keep thinking about all the m/c's and my pregnancy with *B* and how touchy everything was with them. I'm so glad this time around is seemingly much easier, and that I've found an OB that I thoroughly love that completely cares about me and has made my pregnancy so enjoy.

That's about all I have to report for now, other than hunkering down and preparing for this bad winter storm that's been going threw here for the past 24hrs. I'm hoping that all of you that are effected like we've been or worse are safe and have prepared yourselves too.

PS: Does anyone know how to contact Kellyanne from Finding ME After IF? She went private yesterday, and I missed her announcement on getting her my e-mail addy so she could add me as a reader. I would like to continue reading so if anyone knows how to get in contact with her could you let me know or let her know about me and give her my e-mail address that's listed in my sidebar, please? Thanks so much and have a good week.

Things Are GREAT!!

Hey Dreamers! Sorry that I've kept you waiting in the shadows so long without a proper update on me and how the pregnancy is progressing. (I'm going to knock on wood before I even begin.)

Today I am 10wks1day pregnant. I haven't had much in the way of pregnancy symptoms other than a few boughts with nausea, a pizza face look from acne, morning sickness three times thus far, and headaches.

I've been on bedrest since I found out that I am pregnant and went the Dr. for the first time (12/18/10). The bedrest has only been a precaution since I've had early m/c's to prevent another one. I found out that I have low rising progesterone early in this pregnancy, and my new OB is suspecting that to be the cause of my prior m/c's. Due to the low rising progesterone I've been on PIO shots. Let me tell you the hips are killing me, and I'll be greatfully glad to be finished with them between 12-14wks.

I've been getting u/s done every other week, which I LOVE! It is incredible being able to see how my second baby has grown and changed this early on. The first time that I heard and saw the heartbeat was on 12/31/10. It was amazing, and afterwards even the nurses in the office commented on how much I was glowing. I was so relieved, not even words can explain. Just this past Friday I saw the little Lovebug (the nickname I'm dubbing this new baby) again, and s/he is looking like a gummy bear now. The heartbeat went from 120bpm to 167bpm from the 12/31 u/s to the 1/14 u/s.

I wish I had more to make note of, but I really don't other than to say that things are GREAT (like my title says) and progressing nicely. I'm going to leave you with my u/s pics, and apologize before time that they are blurry. They are pictures of the paper pictures taken from my cell, and they're not the best quality but you can definitely tell what you're looking at. (I promise that as soon as my husband gets our printer/scanner down from our hutch that I'll scan the real deal for ya'll.) So, without further ado here ya go....

12/18/10- Gestation not yet determined.

Gestational sac is little black oval in middle.

12/31/10- Gestation determined at 7w3d or 7w5d depending on measurement.1/14/11- Gestation determined at 9w6d (Looks like a gummy bear doesn't it?)
Head is to the left, arm buds in middle, leg buds to the right.

Welcome ICLW and Other Stuff!!

Hello IComLeavWe'ers and anyone else that has came across my blog!! Welcome... My name is Catrisha and I've been blogging (not just here at this blog, but here as well) for 6yrs. I'm married to my loving DH, and we have one child. A three year old blonde haired blue-eyed ball of energy. He's referred to around these parts as *B* or The Monster. We just recently found out that we're pregnant for #2. This was a complete surprise to us, as we weren't trying and we were focusing on our marriage as it had developed some bumps and bruises these past few months. (All of these things you can find in five or so entries prior to this one.) If you're looking for more history on our infertility struggle, look no farther b/c it can be found here.

Any way, in other news I am 5-7wks pregnant. It was originally thought based on my LMP that I was 8 or so weeks along. After my Dr.'s appt this past Friday that was found to be otherwise. I'm nervous of course, b/c this is when I've always m/c-ed. So, due to that fact I'm on bed rest, and I'm on PIO shots once weekly, and progesterone suppositories daily. It's a nasty way to ensure pregnancy, but one I would do a million times over so that I can have the chance to make it to term with a healthy baby. I get another shot on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, and then I have another u/s the first week of the New Year.

In other news... *B* and I have strep throat. YUCK! I know. A really crappy time to get it being so close to Christmas and all. I'm hoping we're on the mend before Christmas Eve, b/c we are hosting the holiday here at our house for the first time ever. I'm really excited to do this even with all the other circumstances going on. I know that it's going to be alot of work for DH, but he'll manage. Is that mean of me? I hope not. LOL!

Speaking of Christmas, I'm so excited for it this year.*B* is all into Christmas, and Santa, and the reindeer, and even giving and receiving presents this year. I know that that isn't what this holiday is all about, but for a three year old... my three year old that's what it's all about for him when he doesn't know what Jesus and God is all about. Before I get criticism on this, save your time b/c I don't care. He's very smart yes, and I'm sure if I were to explain it to him he would understand but I haven't and I don't plan on it. I believe in God to an extent. I pray as well. But the truth of it all is I don't have a good relationship with Him. Infertility has robbed that from me, along with robbing me of many other things. Maybe one day I'll get on that level again, and I hope to but that day is not today. I'll tell my child about Him as well, but again that time is not now. So instead, I'm excited for Christmas b/c my child is excited for Santa and everything that goes with it. And, for me that is the hugest thrill in the world... so we're counting down the days.

Lastly, thank you for stopping by. Sorry if I seem hormonal, b/c let's face it I am. Sorry if I've come off as controversial for you, b/c let's face it I am that too. But, if you've made it this far I encourage you to please stick around b/c I'm not always this way. Become a follower of my blog, and I'll do the same to your blog... just let me know in your comment that you're now following and leave me the link to your blog. Otherwise hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings and Have a Happy Holiday!! :)

Telling My DH & First OB Appt.

First and foremost I would like to thank each of you for the Congrats, well wishes, thoughts, and prayers on my announcement in the last post. Ya'll truly know how to make an already emotional girl happy and sappy all at the same time. :) You, my Dreamers, are why I continue to write.

So, as promised I'm going to tell ya'll how I told my DH about our AMAZING news. On the night of Thursday, December 9th while my DH was at work I decided to take a test. AF was well overdue, but I had tested twice before in the the last week to week and a half and gotten BFNs so I figured this test would be another one of the same. Much to my surprise a very faint BFP showed up. I was home alone with just me and the Monster. I wanted to call or text DH to tell him the exciting news, but I only had that one test and it didn't give me much certainty. So, the next morning my first order of business after our normal routine was to head out to buy me some more pregnancy tests. I bought another box of FRER and a box of EPT Digital read out. I came home and when I had to be took one of the EPTs. Waiting for that little hour glass to turn into a read-out of "Pregnant" seemed like an eternity. Finally the 3 minute wait time was up, and there on the test stick appeared that glorious word I was waiting to see.Since I knew the night before I had asked DH if I had a time sensitive gift for him to open for Christmas if he would open it early. He told me he would, so I took the test and wrapped it in Christmas wrapping paper. I got out a small clothing gift box and tissue paper. I had gotten him a Christmas card when I bought the tests, and I wrote on the inside of it:

"I couldn't think of a better time sensitive present to give you as an early
Christmas present than this one. Looks like we did do it right again. Merry
Christmas. I love you!!"

I placed the card in the gift box in the tissue paper with the wrapped test on top of it, and put it under the tree. I waited until he got up that afternoon (he works midnights) and told him his time sensitive gift was under the tree and he needed to open it. He sat down on the chair and had *B* help him open the box. He pulled out the card and read it, then looked at me strange. Then he unwrapped the test at the end where the cap was, and I saw his eyes light up. He asked me if this was for real. I told him to keep unwrapping. He unwrapped the entire test then looked at me, and asked, "Seriously?" I told him yes seriously. He looked at *B* and said, "Guess what?!?! Mommy's got a little baby in her belly." Then he showed him the test.He had the biggest smile on his face. He got up and gave me a huge hug and kiss, and told me I was right about this gift.... plus it's the best gift he could ever ask for. Since then I took a test everyday until I ran out, including another digital test on the 13th.

* * * * * * * * * *

As most of you commented in my last post about how my dates may not match up due to when I took the test and the lightness of them, you were right. I had stated my EDD based on my LMP, but I'm a 35-45 day cycler. I had thought that I had ovulated around Thanksgiving, but I wasn't very for sure b/c I wasn't charting or monitoring. Any way, after my OB appt yesterday it was confirmed that I'm between 5-6wks (probably closer to 5wks). No baby was seen in my u/s, just the gestational sac and a little blip in the sac that the Dr called the yolk. Which I'm assuming is the baby? I've never had an u/s this early so I don't really know. My BP was 138/82, so I have to go back on BP meds since I had pre-e that developed into toxemia while I was pregnant with *B*.

I went over all my patient history (I'm seeing a new Dr. than I did before). He did the dreaded pap, and then the u/s. After the u/s when he realized I wasn't as far as what was thought, he told me he wished he had done the u/s first b/c then he wouldn't of done the pap. He was quite concerned about my recurring m/c's that I have that are early in gestation (3.5-6wks). So, he had the three of us go into his office after I cleaned myself up and got dressed and discussed this with us. He put me on PIO (progesterone in oil) shots that I have to go to his office to get once a week. I also have to do progesterone suppositories nightly, which I'm already hating b/c they are messy and gross. And, I'm on bedrest again with this pregnancy already. There was nothing wrong that he saw in the u/s, but he's just having me do all this as a precaution. He wants me to stay pregnant... good thing him and I want the same thing, which is a far cry from how my last Dr. acted like he wanted.

I've been having some brown discharge since my appt. that has actually let up now. And, my hip is extremely sore and bruised from my first shot. And, I'm sick of bedrest and I'm only 24hrs into it. But, it's all worth it. Next appt. is Christmas Eve for another shot. Not sure when my next u/s is, but I assume in 2-4wks. I'm glad I found this Dr. b/c he really cares about my health instead of money and what my insurance will pay and what I'm paying and when, which thrills me.

But, that being said I'll keep ya'll updated... and I promise not to stay away so long. I really missed writing these past few months while I was trying to manage everything. Thanks for still being here when I came back to it. :)

It Soothes The Soul

Life here is still in turmoil and chaos with H*attie living here. I'm so short fused it's not funny. If she even looks at me wrong or chews her food to loudly or something small; I'm blowing off the handle at her. Forget about all the things that she does that tops the list to completely piss me off. Some of the problem I know the past week or so is the hormone overload I've been on. AF was well past due, but I knew she was a lurking. Sure enough, the nasty hag arrived this past Saturday.

Since AF started though, I've been this weepy teary eyed female. I'm like this every cycle, but it's usually only the first day or so. The past year or so it's gotten alot worse. I can actually feel the difference and change in my body from raging bitch to the bawling my eyes out baby. I saw a commercial on TV about PMDD, and I've been researching it. I know I shouldn't self diagnose, but I swear I have it. Every symptom listed is what I deal with tenfold a week leading up to AF. I keep saying I really need to get into a Dr., whether it be an RE or OB/GYN... but today I became proactive. I decided that I'm ready to start TTC again, so I made my initial consultation appt with the RE that I was supposed to see back in April when I found out I was pregnant and cancelled. Of course they have a wait list, and with cancelling previously I'm on the bottom. But, my appt is scheduled for late October. I'm excited, nervous, giddy, and scared about this all at one time.

Any how, since AF is here and I've been so emotional I've been doing some soul searching. While soul searching I've been walking at night with *B*. Let me tell you, that's fun stuff. You get a quarter mile in and he has to pee, even though he just went before we walked out the door not even 3-5min before that. He makes me laugh though, and dries my tears. For, it never fails that every walk I end up talking to him like he's a grown adult about my problems. He just listens, and asks "What's this or that?" pertaining to what I'm talking about, nods like he understands, is silent for awhile, then he'll scream loudly, then giggles uncontrollably. I love that little Monster, he makes the madness bearable. He also helps sooth my soul by listening, letting me cry, and laughter... it always makes for a brighter tomorrow. At least for me any way.

On a side note, take time to become a "Follower" of my blog on your google reader if you're not already, and if you have Face*book be sure to "Fan" my official blog site there as well for up-to-date (usually) daily happenings in the land of Baby Dreams... which you can do by scrolling down on my left side bar and clicking in the corresponding area that you'd like to be a part of. Happy Tuesday and Happy Reading!

D&C

I won't be needing one, thankfully and hopefully. I started bleeding yesterday (which just happened to be the same day as my appt. to to schedule the D&C). The OB/GYN told me that I needed to keep an eye on things, and the slightest sign that things weren't right with this "Flo" I needed to call the office. In which case I may still need a D&C, but I'm hoping that things will go accordingly. For a change.

So, that's the update. Other than that, I've just been laying around and crying alot. Hoping the hormone drop that brought on the depression fades fast, otherwise I might have to go get some happy pills. I'll try to write a better update when I feel more up to it. Thanks for all your comments and support everyone.

Beta 1 and Beta 2

I couldn't hold out until Friday. I'm an impatient person what can I say. I went ahead and had to call an OB/GYN to get in b/c I was having alot of cramping (still am actually) and I had a bit of (TMI ALERT!!) brownish mucous discharge. I've been having that discharge every morning when I wake up and that's it. I'm assuming it's old blood and nothing more, that's coming out from over doing it the day/night before. Mostly b/c I've been trying to keep myself occupied but take it easy at the same time (easier said than done with a 2yr old but I'm trying), but every night I go to bed with my belly aching and every morning I wake up refreshed with no pain. So, any how I called and I got in to see an OB (that made me feel very uncomfortable when sitting between my legs to wand me, but that's another entry) and I got an initial beta done Thursday and a repeat 48hr beta done on Saturday. My initial beta level was 101! I'm not sure of my repeat as the password that the OB's office gave me to get my results was incorrect when I called. So, I have to wait until tomorrow morning to see what is going on. I'm hoping and praying for doubling numbers.

As far as test taking goes to make me feel better... they haven't. I've taken 8 tests since Wednesday. They're not getting darker in intensity at all. In fact they're pretty much the same darkness, which scares the hell out of me. There is still a line there, and a line is a line which is reassuring... but not getting any darker like they should makes me very nervous with my history of m/c. Guess the second beta # will prove to be what is to come of this pregnancy. Just please keep me and this little gummy bear in your prayers if you can spare some.... thanks.

Aggravation

ag·gra·va·tion
1. The act of aggravating or the state of being aggravated.
2. A source of continuing, increasing irritation or trouble.
3. Exasperation.

It comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms. It can be from the tiniest thing such as not having enough milk for a bowl of cereal to something bigger like a pimple on your face on picture day to the hugest of TTC with many failed cycles only to find out your infertile and treatments are pricey. Of course my aggravation tonight comes from my dysfunctional family and how the decisions in life they make effect my life ten fold.

Two weekends ago my Dad and I had a very heated fight that lasted for three days. It started on Friday when he was getting really drunk (like usual) and I had to go get shots and dog license for my dog that he now cares for. I told him that it was going to cost approximately $28, but once I got everything done and it was realized that the licensing was past due it ended up costing $39. He had given my $40, and so I brought him back $1... to which he called me a thieving whore. He wanted me to take him to the store and the bank, but he couldn't stand up straight let alone walk in these public places so I told him I would do it for him and we had some words about him needing to sober up. After I went and got him the things that he needed we went to the park, and when I returned back to his place he was passed out and R (my little brother's mom) was there. I just left the money and the items and returned home. A few hours went by and R calls me upset stating that Dad had kicked her out and she wanted to know if I would take her to a friends house when she got a hold of him/her. I went over there to help her carry her belongings to my house to wait, and when I got there my Dad started on me about taking her side. We were nose to nose and he even balled up his fist and I was in fear that he would hit me (since he did it before when I was a child). After many hurtful statements he said to me including being a skanky whore, fat bitch, and a bum who lives off my husband I came back with something I'm ashamed to admit but struck him to his core. I called him my mom's sperm donor and told him he'd never done anything for me my whole life except cause me heartache, pain, misery, and beat me why should it be any different now. Finally R and I left his place with her stuff, but he was red-hot mad and called my house numerous times leaving hurtful messages on my machine that everyone could hear, even threatening to beat on me. Later that night he brought my dog over and opened my door up without being let in, and said I pushed the dog on him any how so I could have it back. He even had a verbal confrontation with DH and called him into the street to fight, which he didn't do. I again had to go to his house this time knock on the door and ask for the dog's bowls and food as well as his registration papers if I had to take him. He screamed, cussed, and got in my face again. I bawled and shook, but finally he gave me what I needed.

The next day everything had died down until DH's sister and her family came to our house for a cookout. We were all outside playing in the back yard and on the trampoline as well as cooking, and my Dad comes out to his porch. He begins yelling things. (He lives right next door.) He calls R and I pigs and hogs as well as bitches again. *B* yells "Pap-paw" over and over again only to be said to by my Dad "Shut up you little mother f*#%&r, I'm not supposed to talk to you b/c of your bitch mom, so don't you talk to me either." DH tells me to call the cops, but I didn't I warned Dad that I was going to do it if he didn't knock it off. Then when DH's sister goes to leave for a little bit Dad yells to her "Must be nice to be a welfare bum. Lazy MF-er's on welfare have better vehicles and eat better than the working man." They get public assistance b/c their son is Autistic, but they also work. She told him to shut the hell up. DH was insistent on me calling the cops now. But after this Dad went inside and things died down again.

Then Sunday rolled around and I was outside cleaning up dog poop from the dog around the trampoline, when he comes barreling out his door again to scream things at us. He says something about "Dog shit being on his side of the fence" or something like that. I reply to him if it's there it's b/c he never cleaned it up from the dog when he had him or from another dog that was running lose in the yard shortly before that. He comes back with "No you don't need to clean up any dog shit, you are pieces of dog shit." He continued to yells profanities and vulgarities to us in the yard, so we went on the back porch to where he couldn't see us. He went inside and we went back to what we were doing in the yard. He comes out again and I warn him I'm not messing around this time I will call the cops. He says "Call the cops I'll fight you and the MF-ing cops." So, I go inside and call them. When the officer arrives he takes my statement then goes over to talk to my Dad who is still on the porch yelling things. The officer tells him to keep his voice down. Dad tells the cop that he'll do that when the cop stops yelling at him. Then Dad stands up and I was watching from my back porch so I was looking at his back. To me it looked like he lunged at the cop, but I was informed that the cop pulled him off the steps b/c he stood up and threw his hands up, and said him & the cop had nothing to talk about. The cop then put him in a rear choke hold and told him if he didn't stop moving that he was going to break his F-ing neck. Finally Dad was unconscious and put in cuffs. They put him in the cruiser and took him to jail.

He was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. B/c of his background and having prior disorderly charges on him this charge instead of being a misdemeanor is a felony. He's looking at a combined time of 12-18mths in jail/prison. He's harassed me daily about my statement that I had to write out on what happened, and said that I don't care if he loses everything b/c I don't care about him. I'm just so tired of his drinking and I even talked about a better than normal plea deal with the prosecutor's secretary today on the phone. Instead of jail time, possibly a rehab facility so he doesn't lose everything.

Any how, the reason that I'm aggravated is b/c of this whole ordeal my child now repeats many cuss words in full sentences. He will tell you things that his pap-paw said to him/us and want you to call the law if something isn't going right. I'm aggravated b/c the court date for this whole ordeal is Thursday.... the day that I was supposed to go to my new RE. I've been subpoenaed to appear for the trial. My appt is roughly a 1 and a 1/2hr drive away on a good traffic day. Appt time is 11am, court is 1pm.... no feasible way of doing both. I've been waiting for this appt. since the end of January, now it's not going to happen. Everything that drunken man of a father has done in his life to wind him up in jail has deeply affected me in one way or another, and this is no different. I just wish for once he would choose his children over the booze, b/c we certainly did not ask to be born, but since we are we didn't ask for a father that's a drunk so why should we have to have one?? *SIGH!*