Wednesday, November 21, 2007


That is what my poor little man has. I thought that he was just getting his cold back again, but then his symptoms got worse in the last 24hours. So, I took him to the Dr. today, and that is the diagnosis I left with. I'm on high alert at watching his breathing and temps. I'm so scared. I've had many of friends or family members whose children have had this virus, and it's been horrible. My best-friend's little boy almost died from it. His cough is awful it comes from the very depths of his toes and shakes his how body with each one. He also has a rattling in his chest combined with the cough that gags him and makes him vomit. If his symptoms are still the same tomorrow I'm just supposed to continue doing what I'm doing which is antibiotics, tylenol, cool mist humidifier, and plenty of liquids. But if his rapid stomach breathing increases then he's off to Children's Hospital to be admitted. The Dr. is to call tomorrow to check on him. My poor breaks my heart to see him so sick and not really be able to do much for him. Please pray that he gets better, and nothing more serious comes of the situation. Thanks.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Preparing for Thanksgiving


I know that this is a time of family, good food, and togetherness, but I believe that I have lost the holiday spirit with all the preparations that I have been making in order to be ready for the festivities. I am completely overwhelmed with all the dishes that various family members have asked me to bring, and more overwhelming than that is having to divide my time equally between all parts of my family so that they maybe able to spend precious moments with our newest addition to the family (*B* of course). As you probably have guessed everyone has decided to do their dinners on the same day. None at the same time, but I hate to have to go to someone's house scarf down some food, spend a little quality time, and run to the next house only to do it all again. And all this with an unpleasant child in tow.

He's STILL teething, although he's been doing that for weeks now, but I suspect his first tooth to break through any time as his gums have two little mounds that are swollen and white, and his drool has increased, as well as his cold symptoms (mainly the snotty nose) has returned, and his clingy crying has increased too. My only issue with his issues is that he wants Mama and ONLY Mama, so I'm getting NOTHING accomplished. (Speaking of, I'm sure I should be doing something other than typing this negative entry, but as soon as I jump into one of my many tasks he'll awake from his nap, and I won't get the task finished and that'll piss me off.)

Also, I'm beginning to wonder if his shots this past Friday has anything to do with the return of his cold??? He was just fine before then and then on Sunday that all changed. Against my better judgement I allowed the Dr. to give him his second dose of the rotovirus vaccine. Not sure if you've heard any of the research details on this, but it can case bowel obstructions and gastro problems. My little man already has a sensetive stomach, and I noticed his reflux occured shortly after the first dose of it, and now he's received the second dose and he's back to puking hardcore again and just not feeling well. (Repeat of his side effects after the first dose, which whithered out a bit a month after the first dose, but still.) So, I called the ped. to see what she thought on the issue, and she said if it was the vaccine that he should of shown much stronger side effects to the medicine before now, but to watch him closely through the holiday weekend, and worse case scenario go to the ER if need be, but otherwise she would call me Monday morning to see how he's doing. Drs. I swear we butt heads all the time any more. Hopefully I'm just jumping to conclusions and it's nothing, but a mother can't help but wonder and worry.

So, I feel as if I no longer am staying a float in preparing for Thanksgiving, but I know some how in the end I'll manage. I just pray that DH step ups and helps out and that little man cooperates with the plan. Wish me luck.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Can You Say "Stressed?"

Uh...yes...I can.

I hate to say this, but I now know why mother's go mad and kill their children. Not that I would ever dream of killing *B*, but I've had about all the whiny baby crying I can take for 24hours. Today started at 6am, which wouldn't of been too bad, except for my neices spent the night last night and they decided bedtime wasn't until 2:30am. *B* woke up at that time his normal cheery self. I went and heated his bottle like I always do, and then changed and fed him. All was well and he was beginning to doze in my arms, so I took him back to his room (where he slept for the FIRST time WITHOUT screaming every hour on the hour) and put him back to bed. Well, that time in his bed lasted all of 20min, b/c then I heard him cough, which isn't unusual since he's still getting over his cold, after that though came his baby babbles and I knew he was up for awhile. So, I let him lay in his bed for a few minutes longer until he started fussing. I then went to rescue him from the big new crib only to find that he had thrown up an EXTREME amount and had rolled through it, and was happily playing in. GAH-ROSSSSSSSSS!!! I've cleaned up a tremendous amount of nasty things that has came out of this child, but nothing could of topped this morning's findings. So, at about this time while I'm cleaning up *B* and bathing him my neices decide it's wake up time, and come asking me for cereal for breakfast. I had to yell for DH (who had just went to bed only an hour before this), whom I was supposed to be letting sleep, b/c he had to work tonite (which he never does) so that he may have 5 days off to spend with his family for the holiday, for help.

He then mumbles something and crawls out of bed to get the girls their breakfast, after doing so he graciously pours himself back into bed. So, my day was starting. By noon I was exhausted with no relief or a nap insight, so I called my SIL and told her that she was going to have to come get her girls, so I could put cranky pants down for a nap and catch some ZZZZZZ's myself. I think he was afraid he was going to miss something while the girls were running and jumping around, squealing and having fun. At 1pm she FINALLY arrived and not a moment to soon. I fed *B* a bottle and we snuggled together on the couch and both fell asleep. He woke me up at 3pm with a dirty butt, and ate a couple more ounces of a bottle, and then was out until 6pm when DH woke us up. From there it was all down hill. I had a load of *B*'s laundry that needed done, dinner to make, my own shower to get to rejuvenate myself, a cake to make for DH's work luncheon tomorrow, *B*'s bed to make, and the charger cord to his baby monitor to find. ARGH!!! So, I ordered pizza (a quick fix), had DH throw in a load of laundry while I hopped in the shower. The pizza arrived just as I was finished there, so we ate and I washed the dishes really quickly. At about this time *B* started being his often times unpleasant self, and he ONLY wanted Mama. So, I held him and fed him, but he still wasn't comforted afterwards. Finally I told DH, that he had to take *B* so I could get started on the cake for his luncheon since I wasn't going to have time to make it tomorrow. He agreed, but *B*'s unhappiness prevailed, and put me behind.

I made the cake while DH did everything in his power to try to make *B* happy. I knew I was in for a long night. At about this time DH had to start getting ready for work, and I still had a few things left to do and an unhappy baby on my hands. So, I tried relentlessly to rock *B* to sleep which was working until my dogs heard my neighbors who are on my nerves outside making a commotion and started barking at them. Of course I'm sure you knew what this means....I SCREAMING baby who is no longer falling asleep, and a DH who is about to walk out the door for work at any moment. I get the Drama King settled, as DH leaves and I go to make his bed, and hunt for the adapter for the montior. I get about halfway finished with the bed and need to move it out from the wall and go around it to finish,when I knock the shelf on the wall down on my head, yell "Shit!", startle *B*, and listen to him cry while I finish in pain. I come back out to the living room to hold him and put him to sleep once again, but this time he was having none of it. He was so worked up he had puked all over himself AGAIN!!! Back to the bath tub for him. I got him all cleaned and comforted some what and I put him in his bed. I had to let my poor restless little man CIO, b/c I had lost my patience and couldn't take any more screaming baby.

I STILL haven't found the adapter to the baby monitor after 2 hours of searching, and I knew exactly where it WAS too. Needless to say DH has been on a weekend clean sweep thing (preparing for family visits for Thanksgiving), and nothing is where I've left it, and he's not here to tell me where it is. The worst part about that is HE probably doesn't even know where it is, b/c he puts things "up" most times never to be seen again....ARGH!!!

To all this add in 2 annoying dogs, who won't leave one traumatized cat alone, retarded loud-ass neighbors, and a phone that rings off the hook, and you have a Mama who's lost her temper one to many times to count who really needs a drink right now, but can't b/c she's home alone with the baby. To top it off I'm a hormonally bitchy with what I hope is AF on it's way (still haven't seen the likes of her yet). Now with a day like this, I can see why mothers kill their children......Thank God for my level head and Zoloft!!! I can not wait for DH's 5 days off I need a mini break.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Update of Sorts

*B* is FINALLY getting over his cold. He still sounds stuffy, but I would rather take stuffiness over snottiness any day. He gets his shots later today unfortunately, so he'll be thrown for a loop yet again, poor little guy. For some reason loud noises have been bothering him again. Before I know he had an ear infection, but alas he's finished his meds for it and while on his meds this wasn't an issue. It is again. So, I'm going to have his ears checked again today to see if he still has the infection in them. I just want my little guy to be healthy for a change, but I'm not holding my breath on any miracles with cold and flu season here and the temps going all whacky each day and night.

As for me well oral surgery went well. Unfortunately I now have dry socket that I'm dealing with. I was having tremendous pain still a week after the surgery. So I called the office where I got it done and they had me come in. Now, remember how I said I had a piece of mac and cheese stuck in my socket that got lodged there the day of my surgery? Well, it was there for 5 days before it finally came out. B/c of this I either lost my blood clot too soon or as I suspect it never formed, thus leaving me with dry socket. Can I just say that dry socket hurts like a bitch??? Well, it does!!! So, I've been having to drive 40miles to and from the office 3 times a week to have my socket cleaned and packed with medicated gauze in order to get over this. Which leads me to my gripe about the cost of gas and this trip...ARGH a financial strain on our wallet with Christmas coming for sure!! Not to mention that this procedure each time feels oh so good (hence the sarcasm). And with no pain meds left well yeah, OWWWWWW!!!! Otherwise I'm doing well.

I have more to whine, bitch, and complain about, but for right now it's 3am I have to get up early, I've got my millionth wind of the day and I still have bottles to wash, sterilize, and I'm off to do all that and hopefully wind down before *B*'s 8am wake up call. NITE!!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

First Cold

My poor little man. He has his first cold. He started with alot of sneezing Sunday night. Yesterday morning when he got up he was fine, then around 3pm his nose started running, along with ALOT more sneezing, and diarrhea. So, I called the Dr. to get him in, and his appt is at 10am today. He can't breathe very well, and each time he sneezes a snot rocket shoots out and he gags and gags. He's also had increased spit up too. He's back to sleeping in the bassinet tonite so he's closer to me. Mostly b/c I'm scared he'll stop breathing and I won't hear him. I have his head propped up and him laying on his side, but that doesn't reassure me at all. I have the humidifier running and I've given him cold medicine, as well as a warm bath in a steamy bathroom, but I think those things just made his snotty nose worse. His little nose is getting red from all the nasal bulb suctions I've been doing as well as all the tissue wiping. He's so cranky and clingy. I'm wondering if it's his first cold or his teeth, b/c his gums are ALL swollen and white on the bottom and he already has one broken through b/c it's prickley. I don't know if children get symptoms like this while teething or not, but guess I'll find out what the issue is at the Dr. in the morning. Just pray he gets better quickly and without getting much worse, please???

Oral Surgery

I had to have my wisdom teeth surgically removed on Nov.1st. It was simply dreadful. Upon waking I bawled like a little baby wanting my husband. I did however have some good dreams about *B* while I was out. Can't remember what they were, but I remember telling the nurse who woke me that I was dreaming about my baby. I'm doing alright now, but I was having alot of pain on the left side and I thought that I was getting or already had dry socket, here it was a piece of macaroni and cheese stuck in the hole from the night after sugery when I ate it. I've been brushing my teeth and rinsing with warm salt water, but it never came out. I finally got the nerve to look in there today b/c I had a weird taste coming from that side of my mouth and I thought it was infection and I saw that. I got out the tweezers and got it out. My goodness does it ever feel better now. Hopefully that hole will start closing up and healing since the other two have already started to do so. Unfortunately though since that food was in there I do have a little infection. I'm taking anti-biotics or the next 5days still so hopefully that will make it go away and won't warrant another office visit. It's been hard that is for sure, but I'm healing. Now only if *B* would stop head butting on either cheek things would be a whole lot better.

I Should Be Happier.....

****Word of Wise to my sister, please DO NOT take offense to this entry, but I have these things on my mind, and I need to put them down somewhere so I'm not filled with frustration.****

But I'm not. I love my little sister don't get me wrong. She's an EXCELLENT mother, but today's news of pregnancy #2 came as a shock and a heart ache to me. I know it's all that infertility mumbo jumbo coming out in me, b/c even though I have my wonderful miracle I still get that pang of jealousy and that knot of anger in the depths of my gut with every BFP announcement I hear, especially ones that come from my siblings. This baby I will love just as I love my neice now, which is with all my heart. BUT (yes there is always a but with me) I'm mad DAMNIT!!!! I tried for going on 6yrs to have *B*, went through God awful treatments that NEVER friggin' worked, and here she is not even trying b/c her DH was getting deployed for his third tour to Iraq on Oct.27th for a 15month stretch and BAM! she's pregnant. She's due around my little man's first birthday, which bothers me the most about the whole thing. I know I can't control when the baby actually comes, but I'm afraid that her due date being at this time his birthday isn't going to be that important, b/c everyone will be worrying about her as her pregnancy will be at it's end. And well, with her DH being gone and all I know the family members that count the most probably will not be at *B*'s first birthday party, b/c they will want to be in KY to give her support while delivering baby#2.

Then there is all his first holidays coming this year now, and with her planning on being up here from KY, I'm afraid that *B*'s first major events will be put to the wayside, b/c everyone will be making a big fuss of her and her growing belly. He's only 4months old, and I now feel that the next 8months aren't going to be that important to everyone about him. I may be wrong, but damnit.....I want him to be the center of attention, b/c he truely is a miracle, b/c nobody ever thought that he would be in this world, and here he is and now he has to compete with the new baby to be.

Lastly is that pang of jealousy in me. I'm supposed to be the most fertile right now up to *B*'s first birthday, and here we are not really trying but not preventing and nothing is happening. I'm still freaking late, and POAS as well as bloodwork before my oral surgery has no BFP in sight. I wanted to be first at something "good" in my family for once, but that again hasn't happened. She will be first at having 2 children. And even though she will have her hands full being a single mother for 6months after the new baby is born until her DH returns....I am JEALOUS!!! God, I wish this green monster would get off my back. Then there is the way that my family approaches me with information on these types of things. I don't want them to walk on egg shells having to watch everything that they say, but the scars on infertility on my heart are deep and ever-lasting, and just b/c I have *B* doesn't mean that they have went away. FAR FROM IT ACTUALLY!!! So, when I am more mature now and I don't scream, cuss, cry, and shout about the issue, I still wish that they would be sympathetic to the situation. They are not. I told my mom how I felt tonite after I knew that my sister had told her, and her response was you may be telling us the same thing in Jan. when you start trying again. That is not what you say to someone whose heart is vulnerable in the situation. Just understand I'm hurting and let me know that you are there for me WITHOUT taking sides, and then be supportive, but most of all let the news sink in, and let me adjust before offering your subtle comments on the issue at hand.

CONGRATS are in order for you Blu, and I am happy for you HONESTLY. It's just news like this still hurts to hear. Hopefully someday it will get easier, I'm just sorry that today wasn't the day. I love you, and can't wait to enjoy all your pregnancy moments. Good Luck and Belly Rubs!!!