Thursday, April 29, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Getting the line ready with the hook and bobber.
Holding a night crawler.
Getting a wax worm for the hook.
Sitting on the bank waiting for a bite.
The first catch... a blue gill.
Touching a fish for the first time.
The second catch and biggest of the day.
Learning how to take the hook out himself.
Realing in the first catch and Kissing the First Fish For Good Luck!! (I was totally grossed out by that, DH says that it's a fisherman's legend or something. *rolling eyes*)
After the fishing was bait was gone, we went to get some subs from Sub*way and then back to the park to the playground area. We ate and played. It was lots of fun. An hour passed of playing and *B* asked if he was getting his haircut today, b/c we had been jokingly messing with him calling a "Shaggy Dog." So, we decided to leave and see how busy the hair place was. Lucky us, we were the only customers at the time, so he got his head buzzed for summer. (I'll have to take a pic of that tomorrow, b/c I forgot.) Across from the hair place is D*Q, and b/c *B* had been such a good boy all day and noticed it was the ice cream place, we went out for a treat to reward him. When we were done there we had to head to Wal*Mart for some more pull-ups, and on the way home, the little man was out like a light. Of course we woke him when we got home to get him bathed and ready for bed, but he was ready to go straight back to sleep afterwards. All in all it was a perfect day and my focus was on being a Mommy to the precious ever-so-fast-growing little boy I already have.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
"What If despite every effort and exhausting every resource, effort, and finance we have available to us our son is our only child?"
Will DH, *B*, and I be okay with being a family of three? Will I always see sadness in DH's eyes when he looks at our family and friends' families that have more than one child? Will I always wonder in the back of my mind if DH regrets being with me b/c I can't add to our family?
Will I always have a gaping hole in my heart? Will this heart of mine always break when I hear *B* talk about wanting a baby brother or sister? Will I always long for a sibling for my precious *B* more than he does? Will I always think about the babies that we've lost that would of added to our family? Will I be able to tell *B* about those babies lost one day and say, "Son, you would of had a brother or a sister had Mommy's body not been so broken and God not decided that He wanted them with Him b/c they were more precious than for here on Earth."
Will I always feel resentment toward my siblings for being able to conceive without a hint of an infertility problem? And that they are able to have more than one child? And furthermore will my heart always break when they or anyone says “Oh you’ll have another one… just be patient it’s in God’s hands and time,” while they’re popping out another sibling to add to their brood because they have never taken the time to listen to my struggle, know what’s involved, and/or try to understand it or even empathize with my situation?
Infertility is a horribly painful battle it leaves its mark every where. Whether it be the emotional toll from the trying, to the scars from the treatments and/or surgeries, to the stress and strain on relationships, to the depletion of your lives' savings IF has it's mark. It makes us feel inadequate as humans at times, and definitely makes us question much more than we ever thought imaginable. Everyday I pray for a second child, and every day I am let down. Every day I hold anger and resentment towards others b/c they don't struggle, and I find myself lashing out with my bitterness b/c reproducing came so easy to them. I ruin relationships, I push my DH away, he pushes me away. I strive toward the next treatment or appt. not letting myself heal from the last. I run ourselves deeper in debt, but yet I continue to chase that dream. I long for #2 so badly sometimes I can taste it. I did this all before *B* as well. I keep going and going on a downward spiral of misery and despair until there will come a point that I will eventually have to throw in the towel or risk losing it all.
What if we could just be happy as a family of three? What if we could quit "trying" and it come naturally to us or not, and be okay with that? What if this time I/we didn't have to hit rock bottom in the infertility realm before we learn from our mistakes?
Could we be happy truly? Is this feasible? One can only hope while we go on a break, b/c right now I'm just not ready to "try" again.
**For a more basic understanding of Infertility please visit:
and for the background of National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) please visit:
Also you can check out the original “what if” list here at:
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Otherwise, I've been blogging for quite some time. This is my second blog. My first blog can be found in many places on this blog and the net. One place being my sidebar under Labor of Love, in the Infertility category, and the sub category Parenting- After Infertility (CatrishaT).
As you know from clicking on my blog in the ICLW line up, I deal with PCOS. Also, I have hypothyroidism and high blood pressure. We conceived our first son naturally after 3 losses and years of infertility treatments naturally while waiting on my body to adjust from a chemical pregnancy. We've been TTC#2 for two years. We've had a total of 5 losses now (currently waiting on the body to expel this one or a D&C which ever ends up happening). All in all this is my bumpy life and ride... hopefully you'll like what you read and stick around. Happy ICLW!
PS: Full details on everything can be found in older posts or as I stated above in the "My TTC Journey" page tab.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I had a cheap dollar store test as well as 3 Equate brand tests in my arsonal that I was dying to take to see what the results were. I kept telling myself that I was not going to take an HPT until this Friday at the very earliest as I didn't want to get my hopes up, and then get let down already. But then DH came in from work this morning and I had to get up to pee, and he asked me if I had taken a test yet. I told him "No," of course since I hadn't. He told me to take one if I could b/c he wanted to know I've all his sperm-babies were doing something. So, I told him I had a cheapy test that I could use, but I was saving the good ones for until Friday. I went in, I peed, and low and behold this is what I saw:
Faint on a cheap test that doesn't detect early, but definitely there!
I plan on calling an OB/GYN on Friday after I take another "better" test. Looks like I won't be needing that RE appt now after all (least I hope not). The only things different I did this month was drink Fertil-Tea and take Fertil-Aid starting 2wks before AF ever showed up... as well as once she arrived I ate something once a day with some sort of yam in it, b/c I heard on that crazy show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant..." that its a natural fertility booster and can possibly help with the number of follicles (re: possibility of multiples... although I don't know how true this is even with research). As far as symptoms go, I'm crampy.... which scares the hell out of me. I've had heartburn a couple of times this week. I have sore nips, but not all over sore breasts. I'm peeing alot, but actually I just think it's alot b/c I'm noticing it... LOL! And, I'm tired... but I'm always tired, I have a hyper-active toddler. Otherwise nothing else going on. I'm excited yet scared, I want to tell everyone yet I'm guarded, and most of all I just really want this miracle already and I just found out. Please, please if you can spare a prayer I would appreciate it... I'll keep you posted.
PS: If you know how to get ahold of me on other messaging sites that aren't private (FB, Myspace, MSN, etc.) PLEASE DO NOT SAY ANYTHING THERE as I haven't told my family yet, and I have an infertile aunt that I'm really close to that has never had children that I would like to hear from me and not the world wide web, as well as the rest of my family of course. Thanks!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
1. The act of aggravating or the state of being aggravated.
2. A source of continuing, increasing irritation or trouble.
Friday, April 2, 2010
*In other news, and on a more positive front... I'm on CD12 and I've been using OPKs and temping. I haven't had a change in my temp yet, but my lines are really dark almost the same darkness. I'm hoping maybe for once my crappy ovaries are going to "O" on their own and we'll get a BFP and not have to go to that appt. next week (OK more than likely go to it, but not need any intervention.) I guess I'll have to keep you posted on what happens.*PS: Hope ya'll have a Blessed & Happy Easter!