Monday, July 18, 2011

Fears, Complications, & Meltdowns

I can't believe I'm in the home stretch of this pregnancy. It's a surreal feeling being 36w2d along. Lately there has been quite a bit of stuff going on. So, I'll start with how I titled this post.

Fears: I keep thinking about if I'll be able to handle being a mother of 2. I'm great as a mother of *B*, but I don't want him to feel left out when the Little Miss arrives. That is one of my biggest fears is if I'll be able to manage my time accordingly when I already know I'll be a single mom throughout the day and babies take up a huge amount of anyone's time. I worry that *B* will feel left out. I worry that even though the Little Miss has flipped and is now currently head down that I'll still end up having to have a c-section. I'm scared that my hormonal pregnancy attitude I've been sporting that has alienated most all people in my life is starting to sneak into my marriage. I know that DH loves me and I love him, but somedays I feel as though our marriage is hanging by a thread b/c I'm so bitchy. I'm scared that I'll have PPD again and I won't be able to function and I'll be left at home with 2 kids sitting on the couch or in the chair bawling and in shambles while my DH works hard to support us. Maybe it's just me, but I'm hoping that these are all normal late pregnancy fears, and that everything will be alright.

Complications: Apparently I am sporting the pregnancy complications of pre-e again. This past Thursday I was admitted into L&D for high BP (190s/90s) and protien in my urine. Once I got there and got all settled with meds my BP started to come down, but I'm still not out of the woods. My 24hr urine protien came back at 185, which was lower than my original baseline urine of 191.2. I have to have twice a week NSTs now and I'm on strict bedrest until this Saturday when I'll be 37wks and my OB says whatever happens happens and he'll let her come into this world if need be. Can I just say how hard it was to be away from DH & *B* for 24hrs. I have no clue how I'm going to be able to do it once the Little Miss actually does arrive in the world. I just hope that I don't keep having high BPs as they make me so sick and so very moody. Guess time will only tell.

Meltdowns: Yep, that should be my middle name these days. Everytime I turn around I'm snapping at this person or that person. I have a strong patience for everyone and everything usually but I just can not handle being pregnant anymore and all the non-caring, stupidity stricken, nagging, and annoying people that surround me. I know I'm almost at the end of this pregnancy and these hormones will go away but in the meantime I'm killing off relationships I have with others one by one. In the moment it feels good b/c then I know I won't have to deal with the preson anymore the rest of this pregnancy, but after thought and it's all said and done I realize I'll probably kill off the relationship permanently not just until I'm no longer pregnant and that greatly saddens me. In the meantime I'm just trying to steer clear of everyone unless they come and ask me what is going on so that I don't lose another friendship or family member.

So, with all that being said... HURRY UP 38WKS AND GET HERE ALREADY!! I'm miserable & I'm over ready to be done.

Saturday, July 9, 2011


I feel like such a slacker when it comes to documenting this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with *B* I was on top of everything. I never wanted to forget a moment, no matter how big or small it was. Now that I'm already a mother and this is my second pregnancy (and I hate to admit this) I don't feel as documenting everything is so significant. I don't want my daughter to feel as though she's second rate and I didn't care as much, but fact is I do. It's just this pregnancy has been so eventful (not that *B*'s wasn't just as eventful) and having a 4yr old to go with that has made blogging about all the little things (and the big things too apparently) really hard.

So, any way... I'm exactly 35wks pregnant today. My belly sure has grown since my last belly shot post:

I've done really good with taking belly shots every couple of weeks even if I don't post them.

The gestational diabetes has been treating me fairly decently. I've had to increase my meds twice (about every 3wks) since I found out. My high risk OB said that this is fairly common in pregnancy with women with GD that had PCOS with IR prior to pregnancy. I've only gained a total of 17lbs this entire pregnancy. That is way different from the 49lbs I gained with *B*.

I've recently been being closely monitored for the potential of pre-e. I had pre-e with my son that developed into toxemia where I started to have temor like seizures in my extremities. The risks of having pre-e again are fairly minimal in an uncomplicated pregnancy, but since I have GD the stress of dealing with that can also cause an increase in the risk of having pre-e. My blood pressures had been good, but they fluctuate and my last couple appts were a bit on the higher side of normal. Not to mention that I had a +2 on the urine dipstick for protien. I had to do the 24hr urine clean catch which showed a protien count of 192. Over 300 is considered dangerous, so it's up there but I'm not in the worry zone about it quite yet.

However, I am in the worry zone about having a c-section. The Little Miss is still breech (as of yesterday to be exact). She's in a frank breech position... meaning her head and feet are at the top of my uterus while her butt is in my pelvic region. My high risk OB discussed with my doing a technique called aversion rotation to try to flip her starting at 36wks gestation and doing it each week until she flips or my "term" date* that they have made for me. He mentioned a few of the risks with percentages on each, and of course all of the benefits with success percentages. I watched a couple videos on YouTube of this procedure, and it looks so scary and mega painful to her and me.

*My "term" date has been established at 38wks gestation b/c of me having GD. They don't want her to get too big, and the last 4wks of gestation is when babies pack on the pudge. Also, b/c she is breech going past 38wks with the potential poundage she could put on makes a c-section after this period in pregnancy alot more complicated as well.

I start going to my regular OB starting this week twice a week for NSTs. I love hearing her little heartbeat on the monitors. Unfortunately I don't love that I have to do this twice a week b/c of the contractions I've been having. I'm 1cm dialated currently, and only 10-15% thinned and effaced. I've only got 3wks left and I've begun the count down. I'm getting uncomfortable as the heat & humidity climbs around here, so I'm just ready to be done already. But anyhow, that is the update on the pregnancy homefront around these here parts. I'll try to keep ya'll updated as things progress or change. In the meantime I'm off to soak up the summer sun with my DH, god-daughter, & amazing son. Hope ya'll are doing the same.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Happy 4th Birthday *B*!!!!

I can't believe that 4yrs ago today I finally became a Mother. That day forever has changed my life. My heart now walks around outside of my body and will forever. He currently is 52lbs & 42in tall. A huge difference from the 6lbs9oz & 20in he came into the world at. He also got accepted into pre-school for this fall which he is thrilled about.

I love you, baby. Happy 4th Birthday!! I hope that your Cars2 themed party tomorrow is everything that you want it to be.

**I have much more to write about, such as the pregnancy thus far, more on *B*, and just a general update. Oh and I can't believe that I've missed the whole month of June in the blogosphere. Alas though, these things will have to wait as I have a ton of food to prepare for *B*'s party tomorrow that about 40 guests will be attending. Stay tuned I'll be back ASAP.**