Monday, March 29, 2010

Not Me! Monday

Hey ya'll it's that time of week again. Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week, and please join in the fun. Happy Not Me-ing!

Over the weekend DH and I reached our 10yr being together anniversary (not marriage, that's in May). So, in true Catrisha fashion being that it was our anniversary I definitely did not do it up big. I did not pull out all the stops with Kleenex, cough drops, cold meds, and a heating pad b/c I was too sick with a head cold to do the normal. Nope. Not me.

I also did not decide that taking my child to Wal*greens for Easter pics with the Easter bunny was a good idea while sick, after reading the adpaper. I mean I needed more Kleenex and nasal spray any how, so why not. I did not get my child all pumped up to sit on that rabbit's lap only to get there and find out that s/he was also sick, and lost there kibble in front of other children at 11am that morning. At this point *B* did not proceed to have a meltdown thinking that that rabbit will now be too sick to bring him a basket next weekend and hide the eggs he's eager to color. So, I did not throw a huge fit with the sales clerk telling her that someone in that store needed to dress up as a damned rabbit to calm my child down. Nobody could, however he still got very cute Easter pics taken in a awesome packet deal for only $9.99, due to our tantrums. To which I did not refuse to pay for b/c he was off center and had red eye, b/c the actual photographer went home with the good camera and they used a crappy in store one. Nope. Not me! I'm not that rude, mean or moody... except for when AF is here, I'm sick, and you've made my child cry b/c you're sorta taking away from the whole Easter bunny gimmick for him and he doesn't understand.

PS: I ended up paying $4.99 for the pics, but still I could of taken a better one myself with my own camera and made up thrown together background. I'll post the pic soon when I get it scanned and uploaded.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Tomorrow is the last day of ICLW. This part makes me sad, but early in the week I quickly got ahead in the commenting. So much so that I reached Iron Commenter status for the first time ever yesterday. I'm still leaving comments now of course, but I must say that I've found and read a part of so many incredible people's lives that I find it astonishing. Every one has there own story and struggle, and I find it a God send that each one of these men or women have decided to blog about their TTC journey and make it public for others to share. I want to thank each of you for this, b/c it makes me feel not so alone in this infertility fight.

Now, to get back to an order of business that I wanted to type about. As I mentioned I reached Iron Commenter.

Iron Commenter

I'm so proud of myself!! There were 153 members on this month's list, so that ment alot of late nights after *B* was in bed to get there. But more so, do you remember my 101 in 1001 list? Well, I've been able to mark 3 off so far, so now I have 98 more to go. One small step for me, but one giant leap in the right direction!! WAH-HOO!!! Now, I need that champagne I want to try to pop the top and celebrate!! Thanks for all your comments I'm off to read and comment some more! Hope you're having a wonderful much warmer weekend than myself!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Soaking Up The Ohio Warmth

The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster ride here in not-so-sunny-Ohio with the temperatures. For a few days they're really warm, but nights you most definitely need the furnance on still. There's also been some rainy and cold days, and even some straggling snow showers in the mix. But we've been blessed with enough warm days to put *B*'s trampoline up, and to make it to the park twice, although the first time it was much to muddy and flooded so we didn't stay. Any how, all these long days outside have left *B* without naps (and he's been a trooper about that) and put him back sleeping in his own room all night long. (I'm knocking on wood right here, b/c I don't want to jinx this since it's been 8 long months that he's been coming to our room and climbing in our bed every night.) But, unfortunately it seems as though the forecast may change this weekend back to the drabby cold for a short little while. So, in the meantime I wanted to share some pictures with ya'll of our days out in the warmth.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Long Time No See

Hello again Haggatha! It's about time you made your damned presence. I mean what it this like CD one million now or something? (I kid, I kid.) Seriously though AF appeared FINALLY in all her glory today and it's CD66. I had given up hope and was intenting on calling an OB/GYN, so s/he could call out a search party. I had an inkling she was lurking though, you know with the pizza face look I got with all these zits popping up over the weekend. So, now she's here.

Any how guess I won't have to find an OB/GYN to get into to get AF induced before my RE appt next month. Thank God for that. I am emotional and crampy as hell though, and I was secretly holding out hope that I was pregnant and all the stupid HPTs I've taken that kept daunting me with BFNs were just wrong. Guess I was just wrong. Hey one can never know right? Any way, it appears as though the RE I'm going to be seeing on Apr.8th wants me to have another full work up again with blood work, HSG, u/s, and pretty much the whole she-bang from the paper work I received today. This all will really suck since I had all this done already and I have limited infertility coverage now. I'm eager to talk to this new RE and see why I have to redo all this. Maybe it's the time frame since I've had it done, or maybe it's the lack of records they have on me since my OB/GYN is an asshole and won't release my stuff. Who knows? Any one out there have any ideas?

Monday, March 22, 2010

Monster See, Monster Do

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This past week was so nice, warm and springtime. *B* and I spent alot of time outside soaking up the glorious sunshine and even went to the park this past Friday with DH. When we were there it just so happens that my step-brother was there with his girl-friend and their 3kids. *B* is easily influenced by everything he sees so when my nephew went down the slide so did *B*. When my nephew went to the sand area, so did *B*. And when my nephew picked up sand and threw it *B*, he most certainly did not pick it up and throw sand at himself too. Nope. Not my child!

So, of course the crazy mother I am I freaked out, but I let them play, b/c boys will be boys. But then my nephew went up on wooden play thing and started spitting off it onto other kids. *B* did not do that either. Instead he spit juice from his cup on other kids which made them scream and their parents come hunting me. Nope, That could not be my child either.

Finally the straw that broke this Mommy's back was when I'm guessing my nephew went under the playhouse where it's secluded and peed. (He's potty trained and my brother has taught him just to whip it out anywhere and pee.) B/c relatively 60seconds later *B* did not run out from the same area nakkid as a blue jay saying "Mommy me pee like D too!" Nope. Not my child at all!!

So, what have you not been up to? Please don't be scared to add in you're whimsical horror stories like my own, b/c that is what this writing adventure at MckMama's is all about!! Happy Not Me-ing!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Happy ICLW!!

Hello fellow IComLeavWe'ers. If this is the first time that you're visiting my blog I thank you. Sit down, make yourself comfy, and I encourage you to stay awhile. If you'd like to know more about my TTC journey check out my "About Me In Depth" page under the header above. In the meantime look around, feel free to get to know me and my family, and ENJOY!


Saturday, March 20, 2010

I Call Him...

As many of you have read in the the last entry about how I only have two local OB/GYNs to choose from this entry will be about the one that I have never seen. Please be adviced this is very near and dear to my heart and you may need tissues, or anger management after reading.

The OB/GYN that I used to go to has basically snubbed me. He sent me off to an RE before my son that I loved. I went through a chemical pregnancy with my first injectible cycle with that RE, and I had to wait for 3mths for my levels to come back down and AF to get back to normal. A week before that 3mths was to be up, I found out that I was pregnant with our son naturally. When I called the RE to be seen she told me that she could bring me in for an u/s to make sure everything was alright or release directly to my OB/GYN since I didn't get pregnant on any type of meds. Stupid me went directly to the OB/GYN, since I got pregnant naturally. While I was pregnant my RE left the practice, and my insurance changed meaning I would need another referral if I ever needed to go there again. Which brings me to present day when I did treatments at my OB/GYNs office with him and the other Dr that was in there that could/would prescribe injectibles to me. I did what was supposedly a soft stim low resistance cycle this past summer that paired oral and injectible meds and I experienced signs of OHSS, and the nurses that I always had to speak to told me it was in my head and there was no way I could be experiencing said symptoms. I finally demanded to see the Dr. and when I did he treated me like it was my fault that neither Dr. ever found out what was going on with me even though I called many times daily for 9days straight in severe pain. I ended up blowing up on him, his nurses, and even some sweet random woman in the waiting room that asked me if I was alright. Now, they won't release my patient files to me or give me a referral for my insurance, let alone see me.

On to the other OB/GYN in town the one I've never seen. There was a time that I wanted to see him. He sounded like my kind of Dr. I was just blind by the other OB/GYN so much that I never made an appt. My best friend raved about how excellent of a Dr. this one is. He has a private practice and the kind of bedside manner that you only see good doctors in movies exhibit. He cares about his patients, and has their best interest at heart. I never went to this Dr. I made an appt. once, b/c I was going to switch to him to be my OB when I was pregnant with *B* early on. I cancelled the appt. (b/c it was after what you're about to read happened). B/c now, that best-friend that I talked about she's dead. And I call this doctor..... Dr. Best-Friend Killer. You can read THIS entry from my first online journal that I wrote about what happened to my friend. I don't think I could ever see this Dr. If I by chance went into his office just to get my referral, that is the only thing I would have in my head the whole time. I'm usually good at holding my tongue, but in this instance I don't think that I could. She was my best-friend, like a sister to me, supposed to be my child/ren's Godmother; and he ended all that with one surgery. I know surgeries have risks, but seriously to this extent? I still have hatred and anger in me towards this man. I should say that after an autopsy was performed on her it was found that she was over sedated by anesthesia causing her to go blind (if she would of lived), her bowels had been perforated many times and leaked into her abdominal cavitity (she still could of lived from this, just would had to of wore a colostomy bag for the rest of her life, b/c by the time it was caught her bowels had died), and he had cut away a quarter of her uterus and not repaired it and knicked her ovaries several times which caused severe internal hemorrhaging (which caused her to bleed to death). This was supposed to be a simple endo and cyst removal as well as ablation surgery and LEEP for precancerous cell removal so that she could have another baby..... and now she's gone.

I know you're going to ask why he's still practicing? This is b/c not until 24hrs had passed after Sandra had left the hospital after this out-patient procedure was done did she start noticing something was more was wrong. She returned back to the hospital, where she was sent home by the ER Dr. being told these were all normal although severe symptoms from her surgery and sent her home. 8hrs more went by, and she lost her sight and called an ambulance. After an hour at the ER again she slipped into a coma and was transferred to a bigger hospital via life-flight. When her family contacted an attorney about what had happened and it went to trial it was ruled that if she would of sought medical treatment before that first 24hrs had passed, they would of been awarded money and he would of lost his medical license.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Seriously you defective piece of crap reproductive system.... WHY CAN'T YOU WORK RIGHT?!?! This is quite ridiculous that it has been 60 days since I last seen AF. I have until next month before I'm into see my new RE, and I refuse to go to my former OB/GYN after him or any member of his office never called me back after my lumpy leaky breast issues at the end of the year. I mean if you can't get a response from them on something that serious, how are they going to take the rest of my body seriously? So, after taking like 10 HPTs and getting all BFNs in the course of the last 20-30days I need to find a course of action, b/c I know the new RE will not be happy about me having a non-existant AF upon my arrival to her office. I only have like a handful of choices and none of which I find very optimal: I can call my family Dr. and see if I can get him to give me a script for Pro*vera so that I can have AF. I can find another OB/GYN and hopefully get in to see him/her before my RE appt and get a script to start AF. I can suck it up call the current OB/GYN even though I'm severely irritated with that office, go in get my pap (that they put off last year), and get me a script. Or I can continue to wait for the RE appt. and hope and pray she's not mad at me when I get there for not contacting my OB/GYN about this problem and then get a script when I'm there and start AF. I'm not sure what to do, but I know I need to do something? Anything? Maybe I'll call the RE's office and see what the nurse mgr. has to say about what I should do, since I'm not yet currently a patient until my intake appt. next month. Sounds like a good idea to me.....

I'll let you know.

PS: Make sure if you leave me a comment asking a question that you check back in that post's comment section for my reply. I tend to have conversations in my comment area, for those that are new to the blog. :)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Sound Off

**Please be forewarned that this is going to be a total bitch-fest, probably complete with profanity. So, if you don't want to read for whatever reason I totally understand. I just thought I'd let you know ahead of time before you continue on.**

I'm aggrevated. I usually let alot of things bottle up inside be before it all comes spilling out, but lately I've met my limit and I keep letting little jabs off here and there in my various relationships. I could write novels on the aggrevations that DH's sisters put on me, and it just so happens this entry will probably be no different. So let's get to what's been going on shall we?

Lately the duo have been riding my nerves. It started with H*attie. A few weeks back her and I had an all out (would of came to blows had we been face to face) arguement on the computer. It started over something so small, but something that has been bothering me for sometime. Maybe I'm going to sound selfish and petty, maybe not and you'll understand. But here the thing when we moved to our new home in "the city" we only moved 7-10min from our old place. Our old place was (no lie) across the street from the older sister and her family. So, when H*attie and her crew came to visit she was killing 2 birds with one stone. She was able to visit both of us in one stop. Now that we live in "the city" she doesn't visit us, b/c it's farther. Precisely 6.8miles farther. She has been her only twice in a year and that was for *B*'s birthday and Thanksgiving. Their excuse for this was that they didn't have the gas, and then that they didn't have a reliable vehicle. Then I found out that she was visiting the older sister and they were keeping it from us. Whatever, I got over it b/c they said as soon as they got a new vehicle they would come visit us. I'm naive what can I say. So, tax time came around and they got a new very reliable vehicle, and they visited the older sister. They still tried to keep it a secret, but somebody spilled the beans and we found out. DH and I were both hurt by their actions, and H*attie thought it was funny. So, that is how the arguement started, and it ended on the note of her calling CPS on me for being a bad Mom b/c I go out with friends and drink (while me husband stays at home and watches our child [insert rolly eyes here]) and that I don't know who the father of my son is b/c I'm a whore. So, I washed my hands of her.

But, it didn't stop there. In the weeks to pass she proceeded to make a FB account and then add all of my closest friends and some of my family members. She then started asking questions about me and talking shit about me to said people. The majority told her off. A couple put her in her place before she even started her nonsense. And the others deleted and blocked her. I blocked her right away, b/c I didn't want any more drama with her or her knowing anything about what was going on in my life by being able to read things on my status or friend's walls. She kept up with her anctics though and just made herself look really bad in the process, b/c everyone she was talking crap about me too had heard about the fight that I had had with her and the name calling on her behalf and here she was talking to another man all over her wall publically and sexually. This is the same man that J*ordan caught her cheating on him with not once or twice, but three times.

Well, I had left it all alone until this past week and I had really given a whole lot of thought to it or done anything about the crap. I mostly just sat back and watched her dig her own hole and laughed. This past week the older sister (whom I don't get along with either and just tolerate) and J*ordan pulled me into things. J*ordan gave me some FB information so that I could read somethings for myself. Older sister told me that she talked to J and that he was going to catch H*attie in the act again this past weekend and this time he was done. So, this past Friday he took a vacation day from work, but still acted to her as if he was going. Drove away but went so that he could still see their place from his location. Within 20min she brought in this other guy. J was pissed and took off so that he did confront them and beat them both (to death or whatever he's violent). When he returned an hour or so later H*attie was gone and *H* was standing in his pack-n-play with a note taped to it stating "I'm done. I'm not happy with you any longer. I don't want you or this bastard child. I'm leaving, b/c I want to live my life for me now." ERRRRR!!! I am furious with her. After talking to J I found out that while she was pregnant that she did somethings (like punching herself in the stomach after she lost the girl) b/c she didn't want to have a boy. I want to punch her in the face I'm so pissed at her and teenage ways. She didn't deserve that baby, or any baby for that matter. I just want to thump her I have to much anger built up in me. Maybe it's the infertility that is waining heavily on the feeling or maybe it's just the fact that I know what she's dont is beyond wrong.

That brings me to the older sister. After this took place she went on and on about how she was done with H*attie. She was no sister of her's. She hated her and would like to smack some sense into her. How she thought that she deserved form of punishment and backlash that she got. (Exactly how I felt.) Which brings me to today when I get an e-mail from older sister letting me know she talked to H*attie last night. She said things with H and J are fine now. He let her come home and that she's not upset with H now that H explained things to her about why she did what she did. I want to smack her too. How can you forgive someone that puts your nephew in harms way so easily? There is no explanation or excuse good enough in this world to justify punching yourself in the stomach when you were pregnant, leaving your child for weeks on end with family and strangers, dropping him off on a doorstep, or leaving him alone in a play pen.... all things H has done. Oh I know how you can, b/c you're just as ignorant as she is. ARGH!!! Plus older sister is now trying to be like me. Oh wait she's always tried to be like me, she always envies everything we have and tries to one up us, but can't. Now she's even going as far as to put similar status messages as me up on Myspace and FB. I swear I think now would be the time to step away from the computer for a week to complete one of my 101, b/c if not the duo is going to put me in the psych ward.

Now that ya'll have some insight into how the bitches in my life make it hell what do you think? I'll tell ya what I think... I sometimes think I married into the wrong family, b/c the shit I endure with them is so not worth it at times. Thank God my wonderful DH and my Monster of a child make up for all their bad.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Q & A (*Updated*)

After posting my 101 in 1001 list I was asked a variety of questions and left a variety of comments and sent a variety of e-mails. Since a lot of you are asking similar questions, and I've been soaking up the warmth in these here parts the past week I thought rather than respond to ya'll individually I would just post it up here. (Sorry if that's in personal and rude, I hope you can understand.)

So here goes:
Q-"What is the 100 day Sex Challenge?"
A- This is a challenge that I got from a former blogger's blog that suddenly and sadly closed her blog this past year for personal reason. But, basically what it is, is that you must have sex or do something sexual with your partner for 100 straight days resulting in an orgasm for one of you or both of you each day. And, even if you don't feel like doing anything, you're wore out from being over sex-ed, or whatever you CAN NOT say NO!

Q- "Do you need any help with mixed drink recommendations?"
A- Well, yeah actually. I was just going to go to this site and randomly pick 3 drinks with my liquor of choice (vodka), but you can run into some really nasty tasting things doing that. So, if you've got some tried and true tested one that taste good.... by all means pass them along.

Q- "You're getting another tattoo? Didn't know you already had one. What is it and where is it and what is you're new one going to be?"
A- I actually have 2 tattoos. I have a red, white, and blue flower on my spine between my shoulder blades. I liked it when I first got it done, but now I hate the positioning of it and wish it were higher. My other tattoo is on my left outer calf. It's a hibiscus flower with a butterfly landing on it and DH's name floating above it. My new tattoo I'm very undecided on. I want to get something with *B*'s name on it, but I hope he's not our only child and I don't want to really have to get a tattoo for each child, so I thought about waiting on that. As far as placement I've thought about the top of my foot and the side of my neck behind my ear, but nothing is set in stone yet so I'll let you know.

Q- "What themes are you doing your bathroom and *B*'s room in?"
A- I'm set on doing my bathroom theme and brightly colored blues and greens. I had originally wanted a lighthouse theme, but I'm going with unique instead. For *B*'s room, he's almost 3yrs old and I need to decide on a theme that he can grow into and will hopefully like until he's 8-10yrs. old so I don't have to throw a bunch more money that way. Any suggestions for a little boy themed room that's not to mature and versatile?

Q- "OMG! I didn't know *B* was going to pre-school already. Isn't he too young? Why don't we know about this?"
A- *B* isn't to young he's 2yrs old and will be 3yrs old July 1st. The start age around here for pre-school is 3yrs old. Plus, he's pretty advanced as it is and we think it will be good for him to interact more with other children, since he is an only child right now. As far as you Dreamers not knowing about it... I'm sorry and I do apologize. I posted about it on my FB that we went to an Open House for a local pre-school, and since then I just haven't had the time to post how it went or what is going on, let alone post it to my blog. But, you can keep up with me on FB if you would like, and as soon as I figure how to link my blog to FB that will make it easier, but in the meantime just email me and I'll let you know how to find me. Oh and look for an entry about the pre-school Open House coming soon.

Q- "What do you want to go back to school for and where?"
A- Currently I'll probably go back to school online (not sure where as of yet and I'm in no hurry b/c I don't plan on doing it until *B*'s in pre-school at least), b/c it's just easier with being a SAHM and having *B* so that we don't have to pay for daycare. As far as what I plan on going back to school for... I would like to be an ultrasound tech but instead of localizing in that particular profession I'm going to broad spectrum my learning in radiology so that I can do it all in that field (re: x-rays, ultrasounds, MRIs, etc).

**Updated: Cuddles and Chaos- Forgive me but I can't access your blogger profile from your comment, so I left you a comment to your comment in my comments. LOL. That's sounds confusing. Please just check my comments. Thanks.**
So, there you have it. You asked. I answered. Keep the questions coming if you have them though and I'll answer them as best as I can as soon as I can.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

101 Things In 1001 Days

I got this idea from a fellow IF-er and blogging friend. Her name is Jenny and you can check out her List at her blog Paisley Blooms (Someday). Basically it's a list that you make of 101 Things that you try to complete in 1001 Days or less. I have issues with completing lists unless they're put into black and white, so here's mine in writing. And much like Jenny... I'll be coming back to it and crossing things off as I've accomplished them, so stay tuned. Oh, and if you are inspired to make a list after reading over ours', please be so kind as to leave a comment and let me know so I can check out your list too!! Best of Luck!!
  1. Become an Iron Commenter once during an IComLeavWe week.
  2. Participate in every ICLW for a year.
  3. Lose 25lbs or more. I'm going to count losing all 26lbs of my baby weight from *A*.
  4. Workout for 20min a day for 30days straight on my exercise bike.
  5. Watch what I eat for those 30days, and
  6. Count my calorie intake for those 30days.
  7. Try not to cry on *B*'s first day of pre-school. I successfully didn't cry in front of him, but I did cry so epic win and epic fail.
  8. Go 2wks without any form of fast food.
  9. Learn how to salsa dance.
  10. Drink 3 mixed alcoholic drinks that I've never had before.
  11. Paint my dining room.
  12. Finish decorating the dining room in my country star theme.
  13. Pick out a theme for *B*'s bedroom, and
  14. Paint *B*'s bedroom, and
  15. Decorate *B*'s bedroom.
  16. Pick out a theme for the bathroom, and
  17. Paint the bathroom, and
  18. Decorate the bathroom.
  19. Watch all my DVR'd shows in the week that I DVR them for a month.
  20. Go camping.
  21. Go on a family vacation to the ocean.
  22. Write our names in the sand at the beach, and
  23. Take a picture of it.
  24. Visit my sister and her family in KY.
  25. See my best-friend Jodie's new apartment.
  26. Get my hair cut, colored, and highlighted all at the same time.
  27. Make 5 new recipes from scratch.
  28. Make cupcakes for the first time ever.
  29. Walk in the local Relay for Life event.
  30. Walk in the local Autism Awareness 5K.
  31. Get off my blood pressure meds.
  32. Stay in a bed and breakfast.
  33. Go a day without using a curse word.
  34. Start and complete the 100day sex challenge we tried to do awhile back.
  35. Make it to the pool at least once a week for entire time it's open.
  36. Make it to the park once at least once a week for 3mths.
  37. Get another tattoo.
  38. Get a pedicure.
  39. Get a manicure.
  40. Get a massage from someone licensed.
  41. Go back to school. (pending 10/4/10 start date.)
  42. Design my own blog background.
  43. Blog everyday for a month.
  44. Go to bed before midnight, and
  45. Wake up before 10am everyday for a week.
  46. Complete the 30 Day Shred workout video without modifications.
  47. Have a garage sale.
  48. Finish my backyard landscaping.
  49. Pay off our debt.
  50. Get a part-time job.
  51. Take my medicine correctly everyday.
  52. Stay away from the internet completely for a week. That wasn't hard having a newborn and all.
  53. Go a day without checking the weather channel.
  54. Finish unpacking boxes in our basement from when we moved.
  55. Reach 50 followers on this blog.
  56. Try champagne.
  57. Drink only 100% juice or water for a month. That wasn't hard having GD while pregnant.
  58. Keep a daily food journal for a month. Wasn't hard having GD while pregnant.
  59. Put my laundry away after it's finished instead of leaving it hang on the rack.
  60. Take a bubble bath.
  61. Jump on the trampoline with *B* for 20min a day for a week.
  62. Go to Disneyland.
  63. Go on a cruise.
  64. Stay in a summer cottage/cabin on Lake Erie.
  65. Go to a Cincinnati Bengals football game.
  66. Let DH give me my infertility injections without being nervous.
  67. Hostess another blog giveaway.
  68. Win a blog giveaway.
  69. Learn how to do yoga.
  70. Sit on my porch during a thunderstorm.
  71. Make a snow angel with *B*.
  72. Make a snowman with *B*.
  73. Print out all my photos, and
  74. organize them.
  75. Learn how to Photoshop a portrait to enhance it.
  76. Wear a sundress once a month throughout summer.
  77. Limit myself to 5 pairs of new flip-flops for a season.
  78. Finish *B*'s baby book scrapbook.
  79. Invite my family over for big Sunday dinners like we used to have.
  80. Go a day without raising my voice, b/c I'm angry.
  81. Teach *B* his ABC's.
  82. Teach *B* his colors better.
  83. Teach *B* his phone #.
  84. Teach *B* his address.
  85. Watch the entire series of ER.
  86. Find an OB/RE I actually like.
  87. Get *B* sleeping in his own bed all night long again.
  88. Fully day-time potty train *B*.
  89. Fully night-time potty train *B*.
  90. Hostess a holiday gathering at my house for my Mom's side of the family.
  91. Use my crock pot everyday for a week.
  92. Try not to eat after 8pm for a month.
  93. Learn how to style my hair 3 new ways.
  94. Have a Pure Romance party.
  95. Have a Tastefully Simple party.
  96. Have a Stampin' Up party.
  97. Update my first online blog/journal once a month.
  98. Figure out how to make a functional page toolbar for my blog.
  99. Add to our family of 3, either by having another or adoption. *A* made 4 on 7/26/11!!
  100. Attend and complete a zumba fitness class.
  101. Complete this list in it's entirety.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Overcome With Frustration & The Past

Here it is 2am and I'm wide awake b/c my mind is moving a million miles a minute. (Trying saying that 10 times fast... LOL.) Any way, I keep thinking about something that my Dad's girlfriend R told me tonight while she was over here doing laundry, and it really bothers me for a whole mess of reasons. The other night I went over to my Dad's (he lives next door, btw) with *B*. Dad, R, and Dad's room-mate were all there. It's no secret that my Dad is an alcoholic (hold on, that would imply he goes to AA or something which he doesn't, so maybe a drunk is more fitting.... but you get the point) and him and the room-mate were tossing a few back. Well *B* being the pap-paw's boy that he is when it was time to leave wanted to stay. I hesitated and debated with *B* on it, and then R said it was alright she would bring him over after they were done with dinner, b/c *B* wanted to eat tacos (that's my love of Taco Bell coming out in him while he was in the womb... LOL). I agreed and came home. I hadn't been here but 20min, and R walks in with *B* stating that he wanted to come home. Fast forward to tonight...

I didn't pick up on it immediately, and I now wish I had. When *B* came in he looked as if he had been crying although I just took it as him being tired, b/c he had went without a nap that day and within 30min of being home was asleep. Now though after R telling me what happened I know he had cried hard and came home to be comforted by Mommy to fall asleep. R said that after I left *B* got to rough house playing around while she was waiting on the food to be finished, and *B* bit her. She said it wasn't hard and a playful type nip, but his teeth and her body were still involved. My Dad smacked him in the mouth for this. After *B* started crying he then went to her to be comforted, and once he was calm wanted to play again but not rough. To which my Dad continued on his case about biting and it being bad and kept tapping him in the mouth. R said after two or three times of doing that *B* started crying again, and she got his coat on him, made him a plate of taco salad, and brought him home.

I'm so frustrated and upset by this and it brings up so many feelings for me. My Dad was (maybe still is, I'm not sure) an abusive drunk. As I grew up there are plenty of memories that I can recall of him beating my Mom, R, another girlfriend he had, and even me. He's been to prison (I'm not talking county jail here either, I'm talking a high security place) three times for domestic violence. He got his visitation rights taken from him of me and my sister at ages 13 and 10. My little brother's visitation at age 8. He can't stop being a drunk, and now I'm wondering if he can't stop the violence either. I had thought he was past that, but maybe I thought wrong. Him correcting *B* for biting is one thing. My child is 2yrs old. He knows right from wrong... doesn't always display it on a consistent basis, but knows. However, he most certainly knows once he's scolded for something to not do it again... at least not right away. So, for my Dad to smack him in the mouth is one thing... I've done it for him biting no lie (not the best form of punishment and apparently isn't working), but for it to be done while he was three sheets to the wind... should of NEVER happened. And, furthermore to continue doing it to him once he's been corrected and understands brings up painful memories of my Dad smacking me in the mouth and knocking out one of my teeth, and COMPLETELY crosses the line for me.

My only problem now is how do you approach your own parent about this when he's NEVER sober; doesn't ever remember beating on you as a child even though you have healed broken bones, police reports, and court documents to prove it and you're still a tad scared of him at times; and he loves his grandson more than words can express? B/c THAT is what is keeping me awake right now.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Ready For Spring

In gearing up for spring I made over the blog to give it a spring-y fill. What do ya'll think? Honest opinions please. If there is anything I should change I'm open to hearing it so I can fix it.
I can not say this enthusiastically enough, that I am so ready for spring already. I really want all this snow to melt. It is melting, but ever so slowly and it's currently all nasty and not very pretty to look at. I want my beautiful flowers, bushes, and trees to bud and bloom (I sure hope my azalea bush that actually lived that I planted last year is still alive after being completely buried in the snow to where you couldn't see it, b/c it's smooshed and spread out looking now that the snow is melting). I want it to be sunny outside, but so that you can actually tell it's sunny without winter haze. I want to be able to wear short sleeves. I want to be able to go outside to let *B* play and it not be a muddy mess. I want the daylight hours to be longer and the temperatures warmer. I want Easter to be here to celebrate our Lord and Saviour and spend time with our extended family with a big yummy Sunday dinner. I want to see my sister for her baby shower in late April-early May. Most of all out of everything I want my appt. for my new RE that is scheduled for mid-April to get here, b/c that means TTC again (not that we're not right now, but with help I have more hope than naturally). So, needless to say I'm more than ready for spring to get here and the warmth of the season to allow us to get outside enjoy ourselves and the view of blossoming plants and loves (you know the birds & bees and and what not being twitter-pated... lol), and shine new life in/on our family God willing.