What He Wants, He Shall Have...

hopefully?!?! *B* wants a Spon*gebob cake for his birthday. Lord, help me when I got pricing on cakes to feed 25-50 people yesterday. My normal cake maker for his birthday cakes since his birth said she could do one for cheap-o, but it would be plain (aka one of those edible pictures and that's it). So, I scoured the internet today high and low for different cakes and easy ways of making a doable Spon*gebob cake. I came up with THIS ingenious design at Cake Fixations for the cake of my little man's dreams that has step by step how-to instructions. I'm hoping it's as easy peasy as it looks. I'm going to do a trial run through in smaller version this weekend. Hopefully, I'm able to accomplish this... b/c if not it's back to the drawing board. Wish me luck.

PS: How fabulous are those cakes at Cake Fixation , btw? She's mega talented!!

Finding Myself

For so long I have let so many things around me define me, other than me. I've been "the older sister" when it came to my eight siblings. I'm "the listener" when it comes to my friends. I'm "the in-law-less one that raised her teenage SIL to adulthood" when it came to losing DH's parents and raising H*attie. I became "DH's wife" when I married him. The thing that I let define me the most was my infertility. It still defines. I'm the "Infertile" one. I've spent so many years dealing with the depression that I've consumed myself with from this diagnosis, and still on days/weeks/months (like this past one) it capsulates my every thought, emotion, and action. Since becoming "*B*'s Mom" I've tried so desperately hard to seperate myself from that label. But, never have I fully detached myself from such a hard and harsh label.

Unfortunately as time passes and we continue to TTC#2 even after the m/c, I can't shake the label. It's defining me again, and even more so I feel. I can't get away from the looks of pity and regret from others, or their questions and comments about adding to our family. I see the change in the mirror and on the scale that the grief toll has taken on my body. I'm no longer a size 10. I have bags under my eyes, and lots of mornings I wake with puffy eyelids from crying myself to sleep. I'm getting tiny wrinkles even, and I'm only 26. I analyze our marriage and know that this is where we fell and are falling apart at. I'm tired of feeling tethered to this label, this definition that has consumed so much of my adult life.

Today, I realized how miserable I truely am being defined as things I do not wish to be labeled as any longer. Today, I finally pulled my head from my ass and woke up. Today, I put my foot down and decided it was time for change. Today, I start finding me... the me I want to be. The me that is not labeled by others or things in her life. Today, is the first day down a new road into the land of unknown... and I'm scared to death, yet thrilled to finally be finding myself and breaking free from it all. Today is the first day of the rest of my life without dragging around a ball and chain that has a label on it. Today, I start living for me and letting others know I'm living for me too. Today is the day...

101 Things In 1001 Days

I got this idea from a fellow IF-er and blogging friend. Her name is Jenny and you can check out her List at her blog Paisley Blooms (Someday). Basically it's a list that you make of 101 Things that you try to complete in 1001 Days or less. I have issues with completing lists unless they're put into black and white, so here's mine in writing. And much like Jenny... I'll be coming back to it and crossing things off as I've accomplished them, so stay tuned. Oh, and if you are inspired to make a list after reading over ours', please be so kind as to leave a comment and let me know so I can check out your list too!! Best of Luck!!

1. Become an Iron Commenter once during an IComLeavWe week.
2. Participate in every ICLW for a year.
3. Lose 25lbs or more. I'm going to count losing all 26lbs of my baby weight from *A*.
4. Workout for 20min a day for 30days straight on my exercise bike.
5. Watch what I eat for those 30days, and
6. Count my calorie intake for those 30days.
7. Try not to cry on *B*'s first day of pre-school. I successfully didn't cry in front of him, but I did cry so epic win and epic fail.
8. Go 2wks without any form of fast food.
9. Learn how to salsa dance.
10. Drink 3 mixed alcoholic drinks that I've never had before.
11. Paint my dining room.
12. Finish decorating the dining room in my country star theme.
13. Pick out a theme for *B*'s bedroom, and
14. Paint *B*'s bedroom, and
15. Decorate *B*'s bedroom.
16. Pick out a theme for the bathroom, and
17. Paint the bathroom, and
18. Decorate the bathroom.
19. Watch all my DVR'd shows in the week that I DVR them for a month.
20. Go camping.
21. Go on a family vacation to the ocean.
22. Write our names in the sand at the beach, and
23. Take a picture of it.
24. Visit my sister and her family in KY.
25. See my best-friend Jodie's new apartment.
26. Get my hair cut, colored, and highlighted all at the same time.
27. Make 5 new recipes from scratch.
28. Make cupcakes for the first time ever.
29. Walk in the local Relay for Life event.
30. Walk in the local Autism Awareness 5K.
31. Get off my blood pressure meds.
32. Stay in a bed and breakfast.
33. Go a day without using a curse word.
34. Start and complete the 100day sex challenge we tried to do awhile back.
35. Make it to the pool at least once a week for entire time it's open.
36. Make it to the park once at least once a week for 3mths.
37. Get another tattoo.
38. Get a pedicure.
39. Get a manicure.
40. Get a massage from someone licensed.
41. Go back to school. (pending 10/4/10 start date.)
42. Design my own blog background.
43. Blog everyday for a month.
44. Go to bed before midnight, and
45. Wake up before 10am everyday for a week.
46. Complete the 30 Day Shred workout video without modifications.
47. Have a garage sale.
48. Finish my backyard landscaping.
49. Pay off our debt.
50. Get a part-time job.
51. Take my medicine correctly everyday.
52. Stay away from the internet completely for a week. That wasn't hard having a newborn and all.
53. Go a day without checking the weather channel.
54. Finish unpacking boxes in our basement from when we moved.
55. Reach 50 followers on this blog.
56. Try champagne.
57. Drink only 100% juice or water for a month. That wasn't hard having GD while pregnant.
58. Keep a daily food journal for a month. Wasn't hard having GD while pregnant.
59. Put my laundry away after it's finished instead of leaving it hang on the rack.
60. Take a bubble bath.
61. Jump on the trampoline with *B* for 20min a day for a week.
62. Go to Disneyland.
63. Go on a cruise.
64. Stay in a summer cottage/cabin on Lake Erie.
65. Go to a Cincinnati Bengals football game.
66. Let DH give me my infertility injections without being nervous.
67. Hostess another blog giveaway.
68. Win a blog giveaway.
69. Learn how to do yoga.
70. Sit on my porch during a thunderstorm.
71. Make a snow angel with *B*.
72. Make a snowman with *B*.
73. Print out all my photos, and
74. organize them.
75. Learn how to Photoshop a portrait to enhance it.
76. Wear a sundress once a month throughout summer.
77. Limit myself to 5 pairs of new flip-flops for a season.
78. Finish *B*'s baby book scrapbook.
79. Invite my family over for big Sunday dinners like we used to have.
80. Go a day without raising my voice, b/c I'm angry.
81. Teach *B* his ABC's.
82. Teach *B* his colors better.
83. Teach *B* his phone #.
84. Teach *B* his address.
85. Watch the entire series of ER.
86. Find an OB/RE I actually like.
87. Get *B* sleeping in his own bed all night long again.
88. Fully day-time potty train *B*.
89. Fully night-time potty train *B*.
90. Hostess a holiday gathering at my house for my Mom's side of the family.
91. Use my crock pot everyday for a week.
92. Try not to eat after 8pm for a month.
93. Learn how to style my hair 3 new ways.
94. Have a Pure Romance party.
95. Have a Tastefully Simple party.
96. Have a Stampin' Up party.
97. Update my first online blog/journal once a month.
98. Figure out how to make a functional page toolbar for my blog.
99. Add to our family of 3, either by having another or adoption. *A* made 4 on 7/26/11!!
100. Attend and complete a zumba fitness class.
101. Complete this list in it's entirety.

Ready For Spring

In gearing up for spring I made over the blog to give it a spring-y fill. What do ya'll think? Honest opinions please. If there is anything I should change I'm open to hearing it so I can fix it.

I can not say this enthusiastically enough, that I am so ready for spring already. I really want all this snow to melt. It is melting, but ever so slowly and it's currently all nasty and not very pretty to look at. I want my beautiful flowers, bushes, and trees to bud and bloom (I sure hope my azalea bush that actually lived that I planted last year is still alive after being completely buried in the snow to where you couldn't see it, b/c it's smooshed and spread out looking now that the snow is melting). I want it to be sunny outside, but so that you can actually tell it's sunny without winter haze. I want to be able to wear short sleeves. I want to be able to go outside to let *B* play and it not be a muddy mess. I want the daylight hours to be longer and the temperatures warmer. I want Easter to be here to celebrate our Lord and Saviour and spend time with our extended family with a big yummy Sunday dinner. I want to see my sister for her baby shower in late April-early May. Most of all out of everything I want my appt. for my new RE that is scheduled for mid-April to get here, b/c that means TTC again (not that we're not right now, but with help I have more hope than naturally). So, needless to say I'm more than ready for spring to get here and the warmth of the season to allow us to get outside enjoy ourselves and the view of blossoming plants and loves (you know the birds & bees and and what not being twitter-pated... lol), and shine new life in/on our family God willing.