Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Want That...

The other night I was talking to my sister on the phone and she was getting ready for bed. Her DH is in the Army and he was getting ready to go to bed, but she wasn't quite ready yet (I think this is because she was on the phone to me, but she would never admit that...LOL). Any how they got to laughing and joking around about the night before when they were in bed and their oldest daughter came in and climbed in bed with them. Her DH said it was "A Giggle-Fest" with both them in bed. After a few more minutes of conversation she told me she'd like to get off the phone with me so she could go to bed with B*ryan before he fell asleep. I Want That!!

My DH has worked midnight shifts for along time now. In the beginning I didn't mind it so much because it was worked better for us. We were night people raising a teenager, whom let's face it was a night person too. Now, we have *B*. DH still works nights. Granted it's only 3- 12hr shifts one week and 4- 12hr shifts (7pm-7am) the next week (lather, rinse, repeat) leaving him at home with us a huge chunk of the time, but it still sucks. His sleep schedule is still the same even on his days off usually. He is still the night person and I am now the day person (kinda, I stay up late 1am-ish and wake up early 9-10am-ish). But I do want to be able to sleep with my husband and have normal people hours, and not have to keep my child quiet throughout the day while he sleeps. But most of all I don't want us to feel like we're seeing each other in the passing and spending very little time together, anymore. I Want That.

For even more I Want That feelings... the following day I went into Wal-Mart to do some shopping. I hate going alone with only *B* as he doesn't like to stay in the cart or near the cart these days. While I was in there I ran into a girl that I was really good friends with in high school, but since then we've lost touch. She was in there with her 3 children and was visibly pregnant with another. She was dressed in nursing scrubs, didn't look frazzled at all, had the "glow", and was very patient with her children. We talked for about 10min. She told me she worked in a Dr's office doing medical billing, she was married to so-in-so, they were due in April with #4 and it was a surprise this one but they are done now and one of them is getting fixed, etc. I Want That!!

I was supposed to go on to medical school after high school. I had the scholarship and everything. Shoot me in the foot, because I choose my DH and family making instead only to realize later on I would struggle at that, and it would be the ultimate struggle of my marriage, faith, relationships, and life. I was supposed to be the one with 4 kids by now.... okay maybe not 4, but 2 with one on the way at least (we only want 3, but we're not choosy or greedy). I want the "glow" from another bun in the oven damn it. Oh and for that bun to be a surprise because we didn't have to try or go to the RE for help because we have PCOS and hypothyroidism. I want to be able to even think about having the choice of whether I should have a tubal or DH a vasectomy, because our family is complete and our baby making days are done. I want to have patience with *B*, and him not ride my very last nerve all day everyday. I want to look and seem so put together that I'm envied, instead of telling my sad sob infertility story to her feeling like a stranger instead of a long lost friend, breaking down and bawling in Wal-Mart, and then hoping nobody saw me or that I run into her again because I now feel like an emotional basket case. Sigh..... I really want all of that.


  1. It's been a long time since i've even signed into here. I like the background of your page and the pictures. I will be praying for you. I am sorry i've been a horrible friend, we use to talk daily and really even though my life got crazy it's not a good reason to pull away. I hope your son and are doing well. I'm sorry to hear about your sister in law. I am back to blog now that i've blocked everyone except a few. I need to catch up with you!!!

  2. It is easy to fall into that pattern. I remember thinking "I want that" far too many times over the years.

    (here from the creme)

  3. I want that - I like that. We all do.

    I also really like your quote to live by: Out of difficulties grow miracles.

    I want that too.

    (Now a follower from Creme de la Creme. Hope you'll follow back)

  4. Here from "the creme."

    Those are reasonable things to want. I hope that you get them some day soon.

  5. Here from Creme: First of all, I would really, reaLLY, REALLY want my husband to have the same hours as me all the time. That would be a very difficult way to live. I hope that some day soon his work schedule will allow for that (what seems like a) small concession. And as for your second "I want that" - also completely reasonable. Of course you should be able to have that but IF is not about what should happen, it's only about what does happen and most of the time what does happen is not what we want. I hope you do get to have your second baby and that he or she is as happy and healthy as she is loved and wanted. Good luck!

    Creme de la Creme #125
    Creme de la Creme 2010 Iron Clad Commenter Attempt


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