DH and I have been fighting on and off since Saturday. I'm aggrevated by his parenting skills or lack there of. He's loves *B* and absolutely adores him as well, but good grief could he spend more than just 10 minutes of quality time with him? *B* is in that clingy stage, which I understand, but I have things that I need and want to do too, and a little help would be nice. I know I shouldn't be complaining, b/c I'm very fortunate to be married and *B* to have a dad who is in his life and wants to be there for him. The situation just irritates me I guess. Like take the last 24 hours for instance here is how it played out:
*B* didn't get to bed until 10ish Tuesday night. Then a horrible thunderstorm came through (in January...only in Ohio) followed by high winds. Well we live in a single wide trailer without a basement. So, each gust as it got stronger and stronger started shaking the trailer literally. To which *B* woke up to a few times. Not mention the huge 100yr old tree in our back yard, that has limbs that goes over the trailer kept having branches fall out of it and on the roof, to which my dogs barked at and woke up *B*. So, I was up almost every hour or so on the hour. Then finally the winds died down around 5:30am, and *B* and I were both able to sleep. Only his wake up call was at 8:30am. So, I get up with him completely exhausted. DH heats me up a bottle and goes to bed ( works midnights so he wasn't home all night). So, I come to the living room and feed *B*, and then I put him in his walker hoping that would wear him out so I could catch a few ZZZZZZ's with him afterwards. Nope.....not until 1pm did he finally go down for a nap. By this time I was exhausted but wide awake. So, I figured I would start working on our taxes. *B* only slept for 30min and was up and raring to go. At 4pm I go to wake up DH, so we could watch the Idol that was recorded the night before. It takes him 15min to get out of bed. Finally he gets in the shower, and was in there for 45min doing probably only what we could imagine. By this time I had dinner almost completely done, I had fed *B* baby food, and changed his diaper. So, I put him in his walker again so he could follow me in the kitchen. He gets stuck in the door way, and starts crying, so I turn knock off the frying pan and ruin dinner while burning myself. At this point I scream down the hallway at DH to quit whacking it and come be a father and frickin' help me. I was furious. 5min later he emerges from the bathroom to find *B* still crying and stuck in the doorway, and me cleaning up the mess....and he laughs. I could of very well of picked up that frying pan and bashed him in the skull with it. So, he's sitting on the couch in his boxer holding *B* griping about being cold. I told him to give him to me and get dressed. He says something sarcastic and I said fine freeze then and walked away to find the phone box to call in for pizza. Just as I'm dialing the number he decides he wants to get dressed and hands me *B* who fusses in the receiver so that the pizza place couldn't hear me. 15-20min later I have to leave to pick up the pizza (they don't deliver to my house only 5 blocks away). He couldn't stay there with *B* for 5min while I did this, so I had to get him in his snow suit in the carseat and lug him to the vehicle. I get the pizza come home and try to juggle the pizza and carry *B* in the house, since he wouldn't come out to help even after I blew the horn 3 times. I get inside to find that the pizza place had screwed up the toppings. I listen to DH gripe as he eats it while I sit and try to calm *B*, b/c he cried the whole time we were gone. At this point it's 20 til 6pm, neither Idol nor House got watched, I'm starving and *B* is falling asleep in my arms for his second nap of the day. Finally after DH takes his time eating he's done and it's my turn, oh but wait it's time for him to pack his bucket which I didn't get done b/c of dealing with *B*, so he can't hold him either. I'm then forced to put him down in the pack and play and hope that he stays asleep so I can eat while it's hot. I get my pizza and no sooner sit down to eat and he wakes up. By now it's 6:10pm or so and DH is running late getting out the door to get to work on time, so I have to put my pizza in the microwave and hold *B*. I was mad, and he was crying already, and he's so sensitive to loud sounds b/c of his head injury, but I couldn't help myself I starting yelling at DH about helping me more and me not having to do it all. And about needing a day off as my job is 24/7 and NEVER ends. I was mad, what can I say. Instead of listening he slams the door and leaves. I cried for an hour. He hasn't called nothing. I continued the rest of my nightly routine with *B*, and at 10pm once *B* was in bed for the night I finally ate.
It's sad, but this type of thing is happening more and more between us. I feel like a single parent or as my title says "A Full Time Parent" while he gets by with just being a part-time dad. I know he's the sole bread winner of the family, but come on now is it too much to ask to spend time with the baby that you helped make? His idea of spending quality time with him is putting him in his walker, or excersaucer, or on the floor with his toys and being in the same room with him. Then he wonders why *B* always wants me. I spend the most time with him, I do everything for him. Sometimes I wonder if it is my infidelity that makes him treat *B* like he does? He knows he's his, he wanted a DNA test done for goodness sakes, and *B* is 99.98% his. Least that is what the paper says, although I don't know if he completely believes it or not. He doesn't talk to me about it and if I try to talk to him about it I get "whore" comments and a fight accures.
I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and I know He sees what is going on and that is why AF showed up tonite, and this past cycle was a bust. He doesn't think we are ready for another child just yet. Maybe that is why the Dr. pretty much called me fat at my appt. Friday. It is His plan. Who knows, I question Him and find great difficulty in believing in Him. Espcially with all the crap I have been through in my life. It is more than any one person should ever have to endure, that is defintely for sure. Not that I'm looking for a pity party, but I would just once like my plan to be a little more defined and ALOT less hard on me. So, tomorrow is DH's day off....well until Monday he's off......guess we'll see how many more fights happen with my hormones going bizirk from AF, or if he steps up to the plate. I know one thing I'm done asking and telling him to be a parent, he better start doing it!!! Pray for me and us.....I need all the strength to not flip out on him that I can get. Thanks and Husg to all!!!