Follicle Scan Was Today

The results are in and I'm super pleased and EXCITED!! I'm on CD12, and super amazed at how well this cycle went. My protocol never had to be changed thankfully. My E2 rised like it was supposed to. Today at 11am I saw the most amazing sight on u/s. I had a bunch of tiny little follies no bigger than 12mm on my left ovary, and on my right ovary (the one I've been having some tenderness in) were 3 beautifully sized follies measuring at 17mm, 18mm, and 20mm. I also had a bunch of little ones in that same ovary but no bigger than 9mm. I'm to give myself one more Me*nopur injection tonite of 225iu, and then tomorrow night the trigger shot. Please ladies send some baby dust my way, b/c with follies like these I really need it. Thanks and I'll keep you posted.

Boo-Boo For the *B* Monster

***WARNING: THIS ENTRY CONTAINS GRAPHIC GUT CHURNING PICS AT THE END SO PLEASE BE ADVISED!!!***

My little monkey acquired his first serious injury this past weekend. Of course I totally freaked out while DH played it all no big deal like, but whatever. He's my boy and seeing blood pour from anywhere out of his body is just too much. Here's what happened:

We were at DH's annual employee's hog roast/pool party. It's been held the past few years at the local water park/aquatic center. We've taken *B* there quite a few times and he's such a little fish anymore. He's not scared at all and just follows along with what other's are doing. Well there is a kiddy area that has this huge waterworks play thing in the middle of the pool for the younger kids. It has two slides on it, one being a curly cue slide that is open, and the other being a straight down closed in tunnel slide. *B* has went down both slides many times before always on his butt like the pictures indicate and the lifeguards on duty during the days make the children go down. We've never had a problem. Of course this being a closed to the public even the lifeguards were being lax on the supervision that they were giving to the kids going down these slides. There were numerous children going down all different ways that were not allowed. So, *B* my little social dragonfly that he is starts playing with this one little boy that I would say was probably 5yrs old. They're following each other around, splashing each other, playing hide and seek in the flat tube things....it was cute. No harm no foul. Well the little boy decides he wants to go down the slide. Sure no problem. They go up and go down a few times the right way. Then we go eat.

The whole time we were eating everyone could still swim and this little boy continued to swim. (No I have no clue where his parents were either.) *B* must of been watching him the entire time b/c I noticed that we'll he was eating that every once and awhile he would clap meaning good job. So, I look over and see what he's clapping about and it's the other little boy going down the slide doing tricks. After we got done eating, we got back in the pool and immediately *B* wants to go down the slides. We tried to deter him away from it for a little while but he started throwing a fit. So we took him up to go down the curly slide, and he went down a few times the right way to begin with, but each time he went to go again there were kids in line not doing it right. So, he gets up there again and tries to lay down like these other kids are on his belly feet first. DH sits him down the right way and he starts down. The little booger flips himself around the way he wanted to be before he got to me at the bottom and were the sections of the slide meet together he brought his chin down on it. He was already crying at that point and I was freaking out screaming for a first aide kit. I felt like nobody was doing anything to help me or him. Blood was just gushing out. Finally they took us inside the complex entrance and got him cleaned up. A woman DH works with is an EMT and said he needed to go to the ER he needed stitches.

So, we took him to the ER. He never cried other than when it very first happened. He's such a trooper. At the ER I had to hold a numbing cotton ball on the open wound that was freezing to the touch even to my fingers that he said "OW!" about, but otherwise he did super. He got 3 stitches, never flinched for the numbing shots or them. The nurses and the Dr. was super impressed with how big of a boy about it he was. He's very aware of his boo-boo and doesn't pick at it like I thought he would. I make sure to keep it super clean and he's so funny I use anti-septic wipes to clean it he'll ask me for a wipe and then pat it on his cut and so "Uckies all gone." Melt my heart why doesn't he. He gets them out on Friday....it won't be soon enough in my opinion but I know they need to be there until then it's just a PITA, b/c it's such a big deal to him and of course to me cleaning it wise.

Before (This is at our house we had to stop before the ER really quick to change him out of wet clothes and get our insurance card):

After (This is the next morning while he's still sleeping, I think they did an excellent job pulling it together):

Cycle Update

As you all should know I'm admist another cycle. I've had a couple of comments on what the protocal is, so I thought I would put it out there. Of course this is subject to change at anytime, but roughly this is what we're looking at for this cycle. I take Cl*omid on CD3-7. Then I do Me*nopur 150iu everyday starting on CD5. It's going to be CD5-12 and a follical scan on CD12 with more after that if needed. E2 every other day starting at CD8. I am getting the trigger shot this time, but since we have no sperm issues we won't be doing IUI. Will I regret that? Maybe, but I'm not trying to pessimistic just yet and I still have room to change my mind on that issue. I would prefer to conceive this child as we did *B*.... the more natural way (ya know in the bed). So, I guess my conscience will be the force to be reckoned with when the outcome of this cycle is laid out for me.

Any how I'll be getting back to my regularly scheduled program writing within the next day or so, b/c I have ALOT to pound out, and some free time. So, stay tuned.

Quick Update

For the only moment I have I wanted to stop by and let you all know that I'm still alive. DH has been on vacation this past week and rather than travel we've been doing things close to home. When I have more time (probably when he's back at work, b/c right now either we're on the go or I'm keeping myself busy cleaning so I don't blow up on him) I promise I'll post a more detailed entry about what is going on in the land of Baby Dreams. But for the most part I wanted to pop in and say "Hello, I'm still alive!" Plus, I wanted to make note that I started Clomid today and I start stimming Monday, b/c AF arrived on my Crappy Happy 26th Birthday. Damn that curse of the 13. (I'll explain it later...but chicky you know what I mean.)

Random Tidbits: Getting Things Off My Mind

I always have so much on my mind that I want to type about, but once I sit here I can never bring fingers to keyboard to put into words what's going on. Things in the land of Baby Dreams have been dull and boring for the most part. This month feels as though it's dragging on for me. Maybe it's b/c I'm eager to jump into the next cycle and I'm on bcps, or maybe it's just the month in general. On Thursday is my last pill before starting the ones to bring on AF. I'm due for an u/s on CD#3 whenever that is. Otherwise things in the baby-making industry are uneventful....well unless you count having ALOT of great sex without all the "do this" and "don't do this" hype that doing it for fertility reasons brings. It's like the stress of things are gone and the bedroom fire is a burning when we're not doing all the treatments. I love it, but it gets to me when it comes time and there's performance anxiety there from knowing that you "have to do it" then. Sorry for all the TMI in my sex life faithful readers.

Any way, in other news.... Can I just say I HATE THE TERRIBLE TWO'S!!! Yep, you read that right. I thought before *B* turned two was bad, boy was I wrong. Within the last week or two, he's started doing the baby grunting and whinning all over again. He throws himself on the floor when being told something to do that he doesn't want to do or if taking something away from him he isn't supposed to have. I hear "No!" more than 100 times a day from him after various requests. His eating habits went down the toilet along with his manners. He's no longer sleeping 10-12hrs a night, but somewhere between 6-8hrs, and no naps which makes for one very irritable mother and child. We put him in a toddler bed finally, only to have to him back in a crib b/c he rolled out, to having him start climbing out of it which he never did before, so he's back in the toddler bed again. I'm just do tired of him thinking he's the boss already...I mean I know he's somewhat spoiled as being the only child right now, but we don't go over board with it. There is no reason he should be acting this way. I guess in motherhood I must take the bad with the good, but for the life me it stressful when there isn't very many good days these days.

Let's see.... Oh I'm dieting again. Well if you want to call it that. Some call it a life style change, so call it what you will. I'm trying to get healthy again and thinner, much thinner. I've been power walking in the mornings when DH comes home, and walking again in the evenings with *B* in tow so it's a slower pace, but still walking. Plus, if *B* manages a nap I try to throw in the 30-Day Shr*ed workout video as well. I'm watching what I eat, being more precise on taking my meds (met*formin). (I'll admit I don't take it as I should. I don't ever miss a dose, but I wasn't strict on taking it once in the morning and once in the evening like I should of been.) I'm cutting out caffiene as much as I can without losing steam. (I'm down to one Diet Sie*rra M*ist a day, and one cup of sweet tea a day.) The rest of the time I'm strictly drinking water. I'm eager to see a difference by my birthday in just 17 days. I guess we'll see.

I've been a bit depressed. I've tried and tried to pin point a specific reason why, but I've come to the conclusion it's a whole mess of things. I could write a book on the disfunctionality of my life, but I won't b/c it's morbid and well depressing. So, I'll just a mention a few things, and that way when I look back on this post and things are going better I won't feel like such a retard for ever thinking as I am. First of all is my sister when she was in town. I felt as though I didn't get alot of time with her. This always happens, but b/c of my stupid naive thinking I some how thought this time would be different since I lived closer to my Mom where she was staying. The more I think about the more I'm realizing that my sister is turning into our mother....only out for one person: herself. It's sad to say it, but true. Then I've been missing my In-laws ALOT. I read all of your entries where you talk about doing this or that with them and even them getting on your nerves, and I don't have that. I had a close relationship with both of them, and I miss them terribly. It saddens me to the core that they're not around to be able to watch their grandson grow up. He's just like his Daddy and they would be so proud, while my own Mom could care less about seeing or talking to her daughter let alone her grandson. She has her favorites, and sadly he's not one and he's such a blessing. Why can't her and my step-dad just see that?

Then there is how quickly *B* is growing into a big boy. Each day another baby feature fades away, and it scares the hell out of me b/c I don't know if I'll ever get to experience that again with another baby. My future is not a given and there is no guarantee that I will be a mother of two or even three like I so desperately dream about. Then there is my marriage, maybe it's just me and everything going on that I'm already depressed about amplifying these feelings, but sometimes I feel something is wrong. Sure the sex is amazing, but when we're not in the bedroom we could be a million miles apart from one another and it wouldn't matter. I love him, and I've made mistakes it's no lie. I know he loves me too, but I wish he would show it more than he does....I wish he would show it like he used to at the beginning of our marriage. Maybe he doesn't and I'm just blind to it, but it hurts my heart to think maybe we're drifting in different directions possibly not meant for each other. Or maybe I'm just crazy and it's all the hormones I've been on making me think out of whack. Who knows? I guess we'll just keep on trucking along until we hit either get off the bumpy road to the paved way or hit a road block. Only time will tell, b/c it heals all.

Oh, there's H*attie as well, this girl has been through alot and done alot to get her life out of whack then back on track. Her and J*ordan are back together again raising *H*, and do I get a thank you? Nope, and I've even praised him for being such a good father lately only to have it backfire on me. I used to see two of the three of them almost every weekend before we moved. Now we live a 7min drive further away than where we did and NEVER see them. It's too far. I don't get that. They break my heart and I miss them, yet to tell them that makes no difference. My older SIL lived directly across the street from us before, now they see her like they used to see us, and to see us is "Too much gas, or too far away." Please!!!! I wish they could just see all we've done for them and be greatful, yet I know that will probably never happen.

Since I've rambled on enough, I'll leave you all with my peace and blessing that everything you want in your life may come true. Best wishes!!

4th of July & Brennen's 2nd Birthday Party

I know I'm a week late on posting this, but I've been super busy, and super down in the dumps. Any way, it was a great time filled with great food, family, and friends. On the 4th we went to a cookout at my aunt's house which was more like a family reunion type thing, b/c there were SO many people there and I only knew about 5% of them. Later that evening we walked the small little block and a half to the county fair grounds with J*odie and the boys and watched the fireworks. It was an EXCELLENT display this year and *B* and the boys were so cute about the "BOOMS!" Once that was over we were all back home where my cousin, her boyfriend, and my 2nd cousin joined us to fill our house to capacity for the night. It was alot of fun, but the next day brought ALOT of stress for me. I had help, but I felt overwhelmed in the last minute preparing for *B*'s party. I made 14lbs of sloppy joe, along with hotdogs, that morning. Plus, we had to set up the back yard with tables, a tent, and the luau decorations. All in all there was a good turn out, everyone got there bellies full, and everyone has said they had a GREAT time!! Here is a slide show from the weekend.

BCPs For Me

I'm so angry with my body. Just once I wish the damned thing would do what I want it to. I had an u/s this morning to make sure there weren't any residual follicles/cysts left from last cycle and sure enough there is one 14mm one on my right ovary. ARGH! So, I'm taking this next month off and taking a packet of bcps to shrink said follie. Got to love the waiting game of fertility treatments. ERRRR!

On a side note the plus side is I know my protocol for next month...and it's VERY aggressive. I'm semi-excited!