More Nerve Than I Thought

So, I went for my E2 level this morning. The number was a bit low, but still on the good range of things for where it should be at this point. However, the Dr. told me that I needed to do another shot. Of course just my luck, DH had to go back to work tonite too. So, I mixed the vials, and prepared my skin for the injection. He had given me two already that didn't really hurt, just stung a little on the first one when the med went in b/c I believe he pushed it too fast. So, I took a deep breath and did it!!! It wasn't all that bad. I didn't give myself time to even think about it this time, b/c I knew I would just psych myself out again. I hate to say it but I didn't even flinch, sad that I'm becoming immune to this pain already. *B* was so cute afterward too, he kissed my injection site and said "Mommy boo-boo all bet-tah." He's such my sweet boy, and this would be so much harder this time around without him.

E2 re-check on Wednesday as well as an u/s. I'll keep you posted.

*Warning* If you get queasy with these types of things don't scroll on!!





Here is documentation of my bravery. I'm sooo proud of myself!!

I'm Such A Baby!!

Here it is CD9, and I've got all my meds for this cycle (so far) in me. However, I couldn't inject myself. I was too nervous and scared. Last time I got the shots given to me in the office by the nurses, b/c I wasn't able to go to the injectible class to learn how to do them. So, this time around I was given a DVD and had to do it myself. DH had to do it actually. I was shaking so bad with the first injection that I dropped the syringe. After I explained to him how to do it, he was all to eager to inflict pain on me. I could of smacked him...LOL. He said it was his pay back for having to deal with me being bitchy all week on the C*lomid. I go for my E2 levels in the morning, and my first u/s is on Wednesday. I'm hoping that I don't have to do anymore shots, as I've been doing them around 8pm and DH works 7pm-7am, so he won't be here to give them to me, and I'll have to do them myself which I don't think I can do. Any way I'll keep you all posted, keep your fingers crossed for us.

AF Arrived

Just now the old hag reared her ugly face. So, to the start of what I hope is to be one very blessed and lucky cycle. Two days (Monday) and I start C*lomid. Then there was a protocol change for the M*enopur... I'll now be doing 150iu on CD7&9. Definitely scared about stabbing myself with a needle, but I know it's for the greatest outcome in the world. Funny thing is the two days I'll be injecting myself will be DH's birthday & Father's Day. Maybe that is a + sign. I hope!!!

Provera Done

Ten long days it took to finish this horrible medicine that will induce AF. Now it's just a waiting game until her presence. After that it's onto C*lomid and M*enopur. Wish us luck... I hope this is our cycle!!!

Completely Moved and The Lowdown Otherwise

I swear I think we moved in record timing. We found out about the new place, signed the papers, and in a week we were packed and moved out of the old place. Our ex-landlady is smoking hot mad too, but whatever. Her daughter (who was my friend) is also now a bad-mouther of sorts. They've just been running DH and I into the ground about moving and giving "said landlady" only a week and a half notice. Guess it doesn't matter any way.... I found out today she's got the old place rented already, so I'm not exactly sure what her problem is except the fact that she's an "itch" with a capital "B". Enough with the crap though.

So, we're moved. I LOVE THE NEW PLACE!!! I can not say that enough. We doubled our sq. footage, and we're buying it on land contract right now. Well, here's the deal actually.... DH and I have a couple discrepancies on our credit report that we're currently paying on. We told the current owner of this, and he agreed to make a contract that we would pay him a set monthly amount for one year, then he would take half the amount that we paid for the year and use that as a down payment for us. At the end of the year we can try to see if we can get a loan (fingers crossed we're able to), if not he'll continue to take the amount agreed upon monthly until we have paid him in full the amount he is asking for the house, garage, and property. So, either way at the end of so many years we'll be home owners whether it be through him or a bank/finance company.

In the midst of all the moving AF never arrived. I'm totally aggravated by this, and my Dr. is stumped as to why after directly coming off bcps I didn't start. I'm assuming the stress factor had alot to do with it, but whatever. Any way, I start taking pro*metrium tomorrow night for the issue. Also, *drum roll please* my protocol was changed on treatments. Not entirely, but I bypassed a step I wasn't looking forward too repeating, and I'm getting right down to business. I'm doing Clo*mid (as I mentioned) but now combined with Men*opur. As of right now my directions are to take the oral meds CD3-7, then on CD8, CD10, and CD12 (if need be) inject myself with 150iu of the injectible. I've done this before. Right before *B*, and resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I must say I'm scared, petrified actually; but there is a large part of me that is super excited and I have so much faith in this and I have a calmness.... almost like a knowing that this is the right cycle and the right time. It's strange. It took alot of persuading on my part to get my Dr. to get down to business, but I put it on the line for him that I would just seek out a Dr. that would and he would lose me as a patient and my money....and BOOM! he was writing out the scripts.

In other news..... my fun loving sister makes her way home in exactly one month. I'm looking forward to it. I miss her desperately, and I'm glad she'll be here for *B*'s 2nd birthday. Also, just for mentioning purposes my brother's fiancee is pregnant again for their third and her youngest isn't even one yet. I hate how they can just have kids without jobs and a means to an end, and here DH and I sit struggling and craving something that comes easily to them. Also, I found out today via another internet site that landlady's daughter who took Clo*mid only 2 cycles got a BFP today. She never had ovulation problems just longer than normal cycles, but begged her Dr. to put her on it, and he did. I guess it makes me a low person for praying it wouldn't happen to her before it happened to me, but it has so now I guess I have to be happy for her? Or maybe not. I'm so offended by everything that's happened that I don't know whether to be her friend or her enemy. I guess what I've always heard is true..."Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." I just don't really have a happy feeling for either of these people's pregnancies, and it pains me to admit but I think the bitterness of infertility is coming back to me with a vengeance.

Looking Up

Thing are a changing here in the land of Baby Dreams. I wish I could say a change on the BFP side of things, but not so much. However, as soon as AF makes her damned arrival DH and I have came to a decision on Clomid. We'll be starting it. I have the script already filled and conveniently waiting in the box that will meet the new resting place in the medicine cabinet very soon. I;m super excited about this, but I have my doubts on if this will work. I mean I went through this before and ended up on injectibles with a chemical pregnancy in the end. I waited for me HcG count to return to normal and BOOM! BFP with my darling *B*. Nervous...yes, excited...bigger yes, having faith in the meds....not so much.

So, on May 17th DH and I celebrated 7yrs of marital bliss. It was nice. We didn't do anything special, and actually started out the day squabbling over who's turn it was to sleep in and who was getting up with *B* (I won..HA!). We ended the day with a nice dinner at my favorite Country Kitchen diner. They have fantastic homemade food there, and I would rather prefer it to any franchise restaurant. All in all it turned out to be a good day, and I spent it with the man that I gave my heart, mind, body, and soul too 7yrs ago that very day. I love you babe!

In other news....WE'RE MOVING!!! I haven't spilled the beans anywhere but here, so if you stalk me elsewhere please don't mention it there. The only reason I ask this is b/c real life and here don't mix, and this is my sanctuary. Plus, only a few select people from my IRL friends know right now (and one of those is my land-lady's daughter who doesn't know). We haven't told them we're moving yet. We've been here for almost 6yrs, and truthfully since H*attie moved out they've become slum-lords. We're not bond by any type of contract, and we do intend to tell them just not until we're almost completely moved. I know that sounds horrible on my part, and honestly I'm not that type of a person....it's just they've made renting from them miserable for a few years now. So, it's like a payback of sorts I suppose.

Any way, I love the new place. It's only about 10min from here, and it's HUGE! I'm super excited and it's like a fresh start of sorts for us. So, if you don't see a post from me for awhile it's b/c of moving which we're going to try to complete this holiday weekend, and b/c I'll be without internet until after June 2nd. (Not looking forward to that part but it'll be alright...LOL.) Alright back to packing. Wish me luck!!

Finding the Words

There are so many times when I'll be out and about doing something that I could pop off an entry like it weren't nothing, but when I actually have the time to sit and write one I can never think of anything worth making note of. So many things seem to be going on in this house that I could probably write a novel about, but when I actually grasp hold of the concept of writing about them they seem petty. So, with that being said I thought I would drop in and let you all know that things are going fine here with an update of sorts.

The cold that *B* had for what seemed like FOREVER is GONE!!! Woo-hoo! I finally convinced his pedi. to refer us to an imm*unologist/aller*gist and that Dr. right from the beginning of the appt. said allergies. I didn't want to believe that this is what it could be so after much persuading on their part they convinced me to let them do an allergen scratch test on his skin. Sure enough he came back positive for tree pollen, grass pollen, mold, dust, and dander. So, he now has to take Zyr*tec syrup twice a daily on high pollen count days, and once a day the rest of the time until he's 2 and can get weekly allergy shots; as well as an albu*terol breathing treatment as needed. It happens to be a pain in my butt having to do this, but since it makes him better I'm dealing with it. If any of you have tips on getting him to take the meds without him spitting them out or clenching his jaw shut or anything like that I would appreciate your input on it? Oh, and it can't be mixed the Dr. said so that is out of the question.

As, for me I have strep throat. I woke up Mother's Day with a sore throat and fever. While my day ended up being alright despite not feeling well, late that evening after getting the Monster to bed I ended up in the ER, b/c I felt as if I was going to choke to death on my saliva b/c my tonsils were so swollen. I was right too, there was only a fingertip of passageway between each tonsil. So, I got an antibiotic shot in the hip and am on a 10 day one as well. Also, it looks like I'll be getting my tonsils and adenoids out at 25. Never thought that would happen, so I'm scared to death. I have an appt. with the E*N*T Dr. the day after Memorial Day. I'll keep you posted.

Otherwise in the land of Baby Dreams things are mildly rough. DH and I have been at each other's throats. I'm not sure why, it's just been general nit-picking that escalates into full blown brawls. Maybe it's the weather or something in the air, who knows? I know we've both made our mistakes in the past and neither of us around proud of these things, but for some reason they are being brought up in conversation at the most inconvenient of times. I know AF is due to arrive within the week, and we have talked about and decided on C*lomid again as a starting off point. Maybe it's the stress of having to do fertility treatments again getting to him. I just wish he would open up and let me in talk to me about what is bothering him instead of fighting with me about the other. Hopefully once we get started it will be different (if we even get started; yes I have my doubts about doing this again, but not about another child just about how things will turn out, how they will work and putting myself through the pain of it all again). I need a prayer and a blessing I guess, so if you can spare one please do. Otherwise I'll keep you posted as things progress.