Let The Stress Begin

Today is the first day of the next few days that will cause mass hysteria in the land of Baby Dreams, and as luck would have it.... I can't sleep. UGH! I have about a bazillion things running through my mind that I need to get done or just can't let go of, and I've been on a major cleaning spree. Usually I look forward to Thanksgiving, but this year not so much. DH decided to invite H*attie to dinner even though I'm still wanting to strangle her, b/c she got into it with J*ordan's mom and now his family has decided not to go to their house for the holiday and coincidentally now she has nowhere to go. Wonder why... seems like she's burning many bridges these days. So, now she's coming here. Double UGH! I'm so peeved at him for doing this, b/c I didn't want to make a huge dinner as I always get "stuck" buying and doing everything, and this year looks to be no different now. Not to mention that I haven't bought anything for the actual dinner yet except the turkey (in my defensive I do already have stuff for mashed potatoes and homemade noodles), and now I have to go muster threw the crowds later today to get the rest of it since we were straped for money b/c unexpectantly our axle on our vehicle snapped (another rant entirely), and DH doesn't get paid till later today.

But, any way amongst all that I have to sometime pay some bills that I don't do online, get *B*'s haircut, boil chicken for my homemade noodles and roll out the noodles, bake a couple pies and some other dessert for my grandma's, and throw together a cucumber salad all tomorrow. That listed doesn't include the grocery shopping and the numerous toy picking up I'll have to do and the last minute tidy up of things either, and then putting the turkey in late late late (actually early tomorrow morning) tonight. I swear if I make it through this holiday without flipping out on somebody going on about this family member's pregnancy or that one's or smacking another family member b/c they ticked me off to the point of no return it will be a miracle. I hope DH is up to dealing with Mrs. Bitch, b/c my hormones are a raging and I'm waging an all out war otherwise. But all in all I really REALLY am THANKFUL for this Thanksgiving... REALLY! :)

Hello Holiday Sickies

It never fails ever since *B* was born that when the holidays of fall through spring roll around he's always, ALWAYS sick. Right after Halloween he started in with a horrible sinus type cold and complaints of ear pain. A trip to the Dr. with a second H1N1 test proved that he was negative for the flu, but he did have a double inner ear infection, sinus infection, and the start of an upper respiratory infection. Fast forward to about Thursday evening.... he starts with sneezing again with nasty green drainage and a horrible deep raspy cough. Friday comes and goes and he's fine, as well as Saturday during the day. The last night DH and I lay him down for bed and he's fine for about an hour and a half and the cough comes back. He continues to cough on and off for about 10-15min until he finally is awake and gets out of bed and comes to the living room where we are. By this point he is gasping for breath and is having a hard time breathing (re: labored breathing). I tell DH we're going to the ER something isn't right. Once there he's still doing the same and his oxygen stats were in the lower 90's. They did a chest x-ray on him, and listened to his chest as well as the normal work-up. He has bronchitis now, and I'm told that he's had it brewing in his chest for awhile. Apparently when listening to the chest only a certain area should sound raspy, and his whole chest sounds that way which is an indicator that his bronchitis is almost to the point of walking pneumonia or full pneumonia. Scary stuff. He got a breathing treatment in the ER, and I have to call his pedi. for an appt. tomorrow to see if a home nebulizer is something we should look into, and he's on Zi*thromax. Never fails the holidays brings on the major sickies for my boy. Hopefully this round of antibiotics is strong enough to kill off this nasty virus that is lodged deep in his lungs. If you can spare a prayer we would sure appreciate it. Thanks!

Better Late Than Never

I'm so behind on picture posts it's not funny. Anyhow...... I thought I would post a few from some fall fun that we had around here and Halloween before, well before Thanksgiving and Christmas... LOL! We had alot of fun at the pumpkin patch and carving pumpkins this year, as well as outside, and I must say we had the most adorable little T-Rex dinosaur around. Please enjoy!!

**PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE UNABLE TO SEE THIS SLIDESHOW AS I WAS HAVING DIFFICULTIES GETTING IT ON HERE, THANK YOU!!**

Under Construction!!

Faith readers I wanted to let you know that you if you grace the the wonderful likes of my blog of the next few weeks please don't be alarmed if you see it change MANY, MANY, MANY times. I am a woman who's VERY picky and opinionated and I'm trying my hand at new things in the blogger world. So, please I just ask you to bare with me that I will come to a background and cute little extras that I'll love and you'll find more appealing. In the meantime don't be afraid to click on the link in the upper left corner go to Meg's site and steal some of her Shabby backgrounds, and why you're there if you don't know what I'm talking about she has some GREAT tutorials for beginners... so look around. Love to you all!!

On The Verge Of More Than An Emotional Breakdown

Dear God,

Tonight is not my night. I know that you only give us what we can handle, but I'm here to tell you that I'm drawing the line. I CAN NOT handle the cards that you've dealt me tonight, and you continue to keep dealing me for weeks now. You helped me to find my place in the world and parent H*attie, so now I'm asking you to help her find her place in the world and do the right thing. The family's cut in the deepest, and this one is to the bone and through the heart. You know I've been hurting with all the recent family members and close friends in my life that are pregnant. While each breaking news is painful to me with your good graces I'm still hanging on. I've went through this before and the depression was unbearable at times but I survived. I have the miracle of my son now that you blessed me with and I can't do that again. I'm telling you everything that you're throwing at me I CAN'T handle, at least not this time. I maybe strong, but I'm not that strong not any more and I CAN'T and DON'T want to fall apart in front of my child. So, please I'm begging and pleading with you even when I have so much trouble believing in you at times, but know that you're there and a constant in my life to let me be pregnant and have a baby girl before her. I WILL NOT be able to handle it if she steals the name that we've had for a little girl since we began trying 8yrs ago that's never changed. This is unbearable to me, b/c it's sacred and it means nothing to her while it combines both my mother and MIL's name for a first name and my sister's and my middle names for a middle name. You know we're not trying with treatments but we're not objectionable to a miracle either, so please hear my cries tonight and for once answer them. I'm tired of losing faith in you I want to believe, it's just so hard when you repetitively don't come through for me. So, please bless us, please take away my sadness, and please just be there for me in this time of need.

Amen.
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I got some news tonight that the child that I once raised maybe pregnant by another man other than the one she's been with for a couple of years now. She's been being reckless and careless lately, but after talking to J*ordan on the phone I realized that she has not a caring fiber in her body. There are so many pregnant people coming at me at one time that it's unreal, and I can't handle it. I'm a bawling mess, and my child is even saying "No cries, Mommy, no cries." (Melt my heart.) Having *B* does help ease the pain but I still have a gaping hole there for what I long for, and having a best friend, my sister, and a SIL all pregnant, and now possibly H*attie who'll find out tomorrow with an HPT that J*ordan bought her tonight before work....... I CAN'T HANDLE IT!! I'm not as strong as I once was and I'm falling apart and sinking into a deep depression. I find myself screaming and pleading with God as I did above, and even bargaining with Him if He'll just let me be pregnant. I'm having a breakdown and my wonderful DH who just held me last week while I felt like my world was falling apart with the news of my sister being pregnant is working tonight. So, now my only option is my 2yr old who is now awake from my bawling and gagging at 2am to cuddle with and hope that the world is a better place in the morning. Dear Lord..... please let it be.

Timing?

I complain alot about how people tend to say things to me at so not the right times. This includes my DH as well. He is the most supportive man in the world, and while I fell apart when my sister told me her good news he just held me. But he has his flaws like any man. Lately I've noticed that he's been doing alot of opening mouth inserting foot type of thing. That's fine when it's petty things that I make a fuss about at first but then never give a second thought to. But his timing on bringing up baby making this morning sucked. We were in the middle of BDing (actually had just started) when he asked if I took meds this month. I know he had to of known I didn't b/c the first injection of every month I have butterflies and just can't bring myself to do it, and so he has to do it for me. Yet he goes on to say that I was thinking since your sister is pregnant and all that if you did this would be a good time to try for another baby. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? Of course this is a good time, but I hate my Dr. and you know that and although I've seen a couple of other Dr.s since my last totally messed up medicated cycle I haven't found one that I've felt like I just "click" with. He knows all this. He totally killed the mood for me. Not the right timing to me at all, but to him it was since it had to do with baby making and we were DTD any way. I swear I love this man, but there are times that he's sooooo very clueless. We'll get back to TTC#2 soon enough, but I don't find this to be the right time just b/c this person or that person is pregnant and he feels the need to compete. I asked him even if he was doing this b/c he knew my heart was hurting? His answer.... "No, my biological clock is ticking." (shakes head) Another not the right thing to say at this time response.

I'm curious how are your DH's with timing and responses to sensetive subjects such as this or others? Am I the only one with a clueless DH, or are the hardwired to be like this and not even realize it bothers us?

Just An Unbearable Day

Today started out crappy just all around. I started out thinking that just 3yrs ago today I saw those 2 beautiful lines on a pregnancy test blessing me with my adorable little man. It depresses me b/c it has been that long and I feel like I have a hole in my heart wanting the baby #2. I know I should be content with the miracle of having just one b/c there are many out there still trying for #1, but my family just doesn't feel complete yet so I long for that next child. (This feeling was before I went to bed, and I had me a good cry.) Then I wake up to drum roll please..... AF make her grand appearance. Now I know why I've been this emotional wreck for a week. Thank you pre-PMS. Well, the day went on and I was feeling better some what. I've done some cleaning, baked some cookies, put a rack of ribs in the crock pot. Then I get a phone call from my sister who's been lacking in having time for me lately with having a house-full of company and have been having health problems of her own. She drops a bomb on me. She's pregnant for #3. I had had a dream about her and my cousin that I'm close to last week. That they would both be pregnant by Christmas. One down one to go. I'm happy for her, scared very b/c she's been having problems with her liver, but it doesn't keep my heart from hurting no less. Here we are struggling to see those two lines for #2 and she's only been off her bcps a month and a half and see the BFP. I'm trying to be strong and supportive for her..... but at the same time it's soooooo hard. I just wish I could be pregnant again already. Is that to freakin' much to ask???

The Awesome-est Of Giveaways

As I was frequenting the blogs I follow I happened upon about one of the best giveaways there is. I thought that I would let you all know about it here so you too can have your chance at winning one of 8 (yes you read that right 8) $200 gift cards from Best Buy. So, you can either go directly here to BlogHer and click on each of the individual bloggers names or click on each name here that I have listed as well to go directly there without all the fuss. Please make sure if you're entering this giveaway though that you read and follow the rules. And Good Luck!!

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