Late

I know that we aren't "officially" trying for #2 until the start of the new year, but when I looked at the calendar and realized I was a week late I couldn't help but to get all giddy feeling. Only doing the deed 3 times in the past 35days hardly constitutes as trying, but being as I was late, I figured I'd take a test any way. None to my surprise I found a BFN staring back at me, and that old familiar wave of heart-wrenching pain that I used to get before when dealing with infertility poured over me. I know TTC is not all grins and giggles, or easy by any means for that matter. It's just I would rather not have to deal with the infertility part of it all in the matters of #2. I'm not sure why I'm all down about the BFN either, b/c it's not like we were really trying per sae. It's just all the memories from all those years of trying flooded my emotions. I think that I'm alright with it for the most part and I keep telling myself that I'm not going to have to deal with infertility treatments again, but honestly I don't know that. I think I just try to make things a false reality for myself. You know the grass is greener on the other side sort of aspect. Nobody's future is a given, so why should I think mine is, ya know??? So, it's back to the drawing board and back to not trying but not preventing until Jan. I would like another surprise miracle without all that humping on demand BS, but I'll take what I get, and in the meantime I'll treasure and cherish every priceless moment I have with my present miracle right now.