Sunday, June 27, 2010

What Is Your Greatest Fear?

Usually I hate Fac*ebook, b/c well let's face it... it's made the world so impersonal. But as I was looking around on there at some of my friends' statuses I found one that caught me entirely off guard and made me think. Her status simply read as follows, "What is your biggest fear?"

At first I read it and brushed it off, as there weren't any responses yet. Then when I returned there this morning the people were sounding off. There were a large variety of responses ranging from spiders to clowns to health issues to living alone to death. So, I read every response carefully, and then I sounded off on my biggest/greatest fears.

I do have many fears. They come and go as things in my life change. After my DH lost his parents when they were at a young age (early 40's) my ultimate fear was losing my DH early. Both of his parents passed away from cancer, so it's in his genes and that scares the bejesus out of me; especially with my DH being a smoker and not really taking care of himself in the healthy sense of things the way he should. Back before we conceived *B* my greatest fear was that I would never become a mother to my own child. Infertility was robbing me of that and strangling the life out of my every glimpse of hope into motherhood. I felt like I wasn't a complete woman b/c I couldn't sustain a pregnancy and birth a child. Now that I'm a mother I fear something happening to my son. Whether it be someone physically hurting them to prolonged illnesses to death I don't think I could handle that. I would kill someone or a part of me would die right along with him. I fear both DH and I dying and leaving behind *B* alone with no siblings to help him cope with losing us. I have smaller more petty fears such as spiders, thunderstorms, and the sound someone dragging their nails across a blackboard makes, but compaired to my ultimate basic biggest fear those are minor. In one word my biggest fear is: DEATH.

I know that you're not supposed to fear death if you have lived your life right, b/c you'll be greatly looked after and rewarded in the here after. But how do you know that you're living your life that way? How do you know that you're going to heaven? How so you know that there is even a heaven at all? I lost faith in God a long time ago in my struggle with life and infertility. Do I pray? Yes, don't we all? But believing is a totally different subject for me. Maybe I'll end up where I want to be, maybe not... but for goodness sakes I'm no where near ready to die, b/c death scares the shit out of me.

So, what is your greatest fear? Please don't be scared to share... I have. Also, in closing I will leave you with a great quote about fear in yourself and overcoming it,
‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of god that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others.’ -Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles


  1. I have similar fears. Great quote!
    I just found you through ICLW and I LOVE your button & I just added it. I wish you all the best as you continue your family.

  2. At church, our preacher always ends the service with everyones heads bowed and eyes closed and then asks if everyone in the room knows with 100% certainty that they would go to heaven if the Lord returned today. If not, then the altar is open for invitation. Of course, I am not 100% positive. He says that you will know it in your heart. My heart says no and that scares the **** out of me! See, another reason why the answer is probably no for me.

  3. Never knowing the joys of being a mom and being buried alive.. well those are the two biggest ones anyways.. like you chicky I have others ; )


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