It Came and It Went

Well, Christmas is over. My baby's first BIG holiday event. We all got the flu for Christmas....yip-peee, huh??? And, of course *B* got boat loads of toys and clothes. For DH you'd think that the holiday couldn't be over fast enough. He took down the tree freaking Christmas night. I must say though, I'm happy to see it go. I never did get into the holiday spirit this year, even though I should have, since it was the first one being a Mama. For some reason I just couldn't find it in me, so I continued on with my Scroogie self, and tried to put on a happy face for those around me. Hopefully next year will be better.

On another aspect of Christmas..... I missed my best-friend SO VERY MUCH!! I went to her grave and had a good old cry. (Not sure if it's depression from going off the happy pills from PPD, hormones, or as combo of both, but I needed that cry.) I can't believe that she's been gone for a year. It's so hard to believe and it always seems like God takes the angels that walk among the Earth first. Never-the-less she was on my mind on Christmas Day as she always is, and even closer to my heart. Hopefully someday we'll see each other again at Heaven's door, but until that day, I'll silently whisper a prayer to her, fake a smile, and shed some tears as each year passes and the time draws more near.

So, with that all being said, I'm glad that Christmas this year is over in one quick swoop. The flu is gone and we're now focusing on what 2008 has instore for us. I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas and an even more amazing New Year!!! Hugs!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Wishing you all the wonderous joys of the holiday season!!!

*****************************************************************

So, even though it is Christmas it sure doesn't feel like it around here. I really was looking forward to a white Christmas, and I know I still have a day yet to go, but I'm very doubtful in the matter. I definitely lack the holiday spirit as well. I know I should be over joyed as this my first Christmas as a mother, and I am really. I just can't get into the swing of the season and the festivites. I'm not sure what it is...maybe AF who knows???? I would rather just have a good cry instead. Otherwise things are good here. We had our Christmas dinner and gift exchange yesterday as it was the only time everyone could get together. I was nice but I'm exhausted and stressed from it. I played hostess to 14 people. I enjoyed myself as did all of them (hopefully). It was just in the end I felt guilty. Here DH and I are cutting corners and trying to save money, b/c he's looking at another lay-off at the first of the year. While his sisters are alot worse off money wise than us, and they went all out. Brennen got alot of nice things, and I know it's b/c he was the only one they had to buy for so they could spend alot. DH and I got #1's kids nice things too, but they didn't have nearly as many gifts as Brennen did. Plus, DH and I argued over the fact that he thought I showed favoritism toward my sister's little girl, b/c I got her the same things as I got #1's kids, plus 2 other gifts. I only did this, b/c my sister is going to be in 2 places I will for Christmas that we are doing a gift exchange and I was trying not to make Court feel left out at the exchange at my house. They were just small gifts. But I did feel bad, b/c I saw the looks on my other nieces and nephew's face. I know what's done is done now, but hopefully directly after Christmas I'll be able to find some good deals and make up for it to them. ARGH!!! and I wonder why I lack holiday hoo-rah. Hopefully I'll find it after some much needed sleep.

****************************************************************

So, any way..... Hope you all have a Merry Christmas, and if I'm not back around before 2008....A Happy New Year as well!!! HUGS TO ONE AND ALL!!!!

Who Opened The Flood Gates???

BEWARE TMI AHEAD!!!!

Argh!!! AF came with a vengence today. I'm in some serious pain from cramping and it's really heavy. I don't think I've ever bled this heavy in my life, not even after I had *B*. Not even during other Provera induced AFs. All is well though I'm looking forward to the outcome of this cycle. Hopefully it'll be one with a BFP. Wish me luck!!!

I'm so EXCITED!!!!

My sister will be home from KY tomorrow for the holidays!!! I can't wait. I haven't seen her since the day that I went into the hospital to have *B*. I'm also VERY anxious to see my niece, and my sister's belly that she keeps elaborating on how "big" it's getting. I'm trying to keep my time and mind occupied so I don't go crazy counting down until her arrival, but it's just too freaking hard. I have a million and one things I need to do around my house before Sunday (that is the day I'm doing Christmas for my Dad and that side of the family and DH's side of the family) in order to be ready for Christmas. I just lack motivation. (Hmmm.... maybe it is the hidden lurks of AF knocking at my doorstep.) Any way, I will get it all done....I. MUST. GET. IT. ALL. DONE.

Also, even though I'm dreading AF's arrival for the holidays, in the same sense I'm looking forward to her return too. Her arrival will mean that if I "O" it'll be perfectly timed for the start of the New Year, and when DH and I decided to start TTC#2. So, I'm excited that this will be the first cycle out of the gates in TTC#2. I know that I'm probably crazy and all that, plus I will have my hands full and my work cut out for me being a mother of two closely spaced siblings, but I'm ready for the challenge. Plus, I don't want to have any regrets if I wait until *B* is a year which would make my children's age ideally spaced, thinking that maybe if I would of tried while I was most fertile in the months leading up to the one year mark after a pregnancy, and say I started trying then instead and I had to deal with years of infertility again, then that is where the regrets would come to play. So, for the next 6 months or so once this AF arrives we are trying au natural, and fingers crossed we get another miracle like we did the first time around. Wish us luck?!?!

STUPID STUPID Doctor

ARGH!!! So, I went to visit the GYN, and he had the vampires draw 6 vials for the cause of the visit. I had my TSH, Prolactin, FBS, Progesterone, HcG, and something else all tested. As well as peeing in a cup so they could see the same BFN I was seeing. Any way, back in October (I believe it was) my family Dr. took me off my synthroid for my hypothyroidism saying I now had hyperthyroidism b/c your levels are to be between .5 and 5.5 and mine came back .019 well below average. So, around that time AF stopped. No surprise to me though, b/c I don't think he let my hormones post-baby go back to normal. Any way, SURPRISE SURPRISE my thyroid is majorly out of whack now. It was 89.26.....EEEKKKKKK!!!! So, my GYN calls lets me know this is aggitated with my family Dr. and says he'll call him and fax over my test results. To this I get a snotty ass nurse calling me saying that they received a phone call from my GYN and the labs and Fam. Dr. wants to put me back on synthroid my dosage pre-pregnancy, oh and what was it again. Ummm HELLO!!! Am I the ONLY one who sees a problem with this??? Guess not since everything I'm supposed to let slide since my original Fam. Dr. left the practice and this new one has NO FREAKING CLUE!!! Just look at my damned file, isn't that what YOU get paid to do???

I had to tell her. So, I'm back to having hypothroidism, back on the synthroid dosage of 100mcg and back to inducing AF with freaking Provera. Could things get any worse??? Hopefully my body will bounce back respectfully and quickly so TTC#2 can get under way after the first of the year. Wish me luck?!?!

What's Been Happening Around Here

My little man is doing much better than my last post. His only issue now is a bit of a runny nose, but that's not anything that I can't handle. He's doing so many new things that I can't keep up with them or remember to post most of them when they happen, but as he allows I'm going to try harder to do so. He's growing like a weed too. I'm excited about his first Christmas that is coming up. I know he's still really to young to know what it is or what is going on, but none-the-less I hope to make it special for him, and I hope that it's a memorable one. (Not memorable like last year's Christmas either aka the Christmas that my best friend became an angel.) In lieu of a more formal update which I don't really have time to post right now as it's late and I have to get up early to go see my GYN for my missing AF (Yes it's still missing and it's been since mid-Sept since I saw the old hag.) along with a BFN (not that I didn't expect one seeing as how you have to have an AF to have a BFP, and you have to have more sex than Cody and I do, also), I'm going to leave you with pictures of the Cheekster!!! Enjoy!!

It's all a Blurrrrr!!!!!!

It's a week and that I NEVER, EVER want to relive again.

Well, I saw that J*die (on TLOL) posted a prayer request for *B* last week. Thank you to those that send up prayers for him. They were heard and answered. Any way, he went from what I thought was bad 2wks ago (which wasn't all that bad now that I look back on things), to better, to worse, to knocking on death's door.

The Wed. before T-giving I got him into the Dr. came home with the RSV diagnosis. My poor baby was just having a time of it. We visited family on T-giving day, but I made VERY sure that nobody was sick that he was going to be around and took lots of precautions in germ fighting. Over that weekend he slept alot and his labored breathing seemed to be not so labored any more, and he was only left with a slightly runny nose and a horrible cough. Then Monday night rolled around and he started running a temp and throwing up his bottles. He finally settled in that night and woke up Tues. morning acting fine. So, I thought maybe he had a 24hour bug, and I called his ped. and she thought the same thing, and said she would check on him Wed. morning to see how he was doing and go from there. Fast forward to 9pm Tues. night. He started fussing and crying for no reason, and this continued for an hour with my every attempt at calming him. Finally around 10:15pm he fell asleep eating a bottle, only to wake up out of a dead sleep at 11pm screaming. He then proceeded to throw up the little bit of a bottle I had gotten him to take and then some (mostly bile after this point). He continued to scream, and wouldn't take a bottle or nothing else, and nothing comforted him, plus he was burning up. At 11:26pm I called 9-1-1, b/c DH was at work and something was horribly wrong. While on the phone with the dispatcher *B* quit breathing. I dropped the phone, rubbed his chest and breathed in his mouth and nose. (I was petrified, he was so stiff, and then went to limp, and was a deep red to purple color.) At this point he started to breath again. He gasped for air and was choking. I picked back up the phone and the dispatcher said the ambulance was on it's way, and asked what happened. I told him and he told me to hold *B* on his side, b/c of the gasping. *B* then threw up a bunch of mucus, and there was a knock on the door. It was a police officer, who got there before the EMTs. He took *B* from me and tried to calm him, down but even he couldn't. Then the EMTs were there. They did quick vitals on him in my house, and then I carried him out to the squad. They strapped us on the gurney, and put an oxygen mask on his face. He vomitted up mucus again when they did that, and then instantly he could breath. He calmed down and even started smiling while in the ambulance before we got to the hospital.

Once at the local hospital they kept on the oxygen for a bit, then took it off and he was holding at 97% on his SPO2 stats, so they didn't administer it again. They took him to get a chest x-ray, (which if you've ever had an infant get a chest x-ray you'll know what I'm about to describe) and put him in this device that no lie looked like a Chinese torcher device for a child. It was a plastic table thing, with a hole in the middle, that had a seat like thing like you would see in a walker. On either side of *B* was 2 plastic pieces with half moons cut on each side in the front. He had to be placed on the seat, hands pulled above his head, then these two pieces tightened around him, and his head in the hole that the half moons formed. He screamed. Now tell me does this sound like something that should of been done on a baby who was screaming and quit breathing b/c of it??? I think not, but the Dr. wanted answers and this is all this local hospital is equipt with in means of respiratory issues for children....ugh! So, after that torcher my baby had to endure. The Dr. came in checked over him again, and sent us home with a diagnosis of Respiratory Issues: Resolved. Exact words on discharge paper. I think not!!!

So, Wed. morning rolled around and I had been without sleep that entire night b/c of the ER and every move *B* made I woke up to make sure he was still breathing. He woke up with a horrible rash on his face and neck. And the bottle that he ate first thing he threw it all back up. I called his Ped. and she got us straight in. He had a temp. of 102.2 rectally in her office. She checked his lungs and counted his pulse and respirations. His pulse was over 200, and his repirations were over 80 a minute. During the examine she had to suction out his nose, which made him scream and he quit breathing yet again.....IN HER OFFICE!!! She got him breathing again, and called A*kron C*hildren's H*ospital for a direct admit. He was taken there.

Once there his vitals were taken again. Resp:68 Pulse:191 Temp: 102.9 rectally SPO2:89% on room air. The nurses quickly gowned up, and came in his room. They suctioned out his nose with this long tube thing that went down his throat and gagged him, and got out all the junk. Then gave him Tylenol. They checked his stats again 5-10min after this. Resp:33 Pulse:148 SPO2: 96% on room air. After that he was fussing, b/c he was hungry finally for the first time in 15hrs since, he threw up his morning bottle. He ate that bottle rather slowly. Around 11pm that night the did the first of 2 breathing treatments on him while he was there. After that he slept poorly, and was up about every hour and a half wanting a bottle. Finally around 6am Thurs. morning his fever broke, and he fell fast asleep until 10am when the infectious disease Dr. came in. He checked him all out, and *B* baby jibbered to him while he was in there, and even smiled at him. It was for the first time in over 3 days. The Dr. told me that the mucus test they did on the stuff they suctioned out of his nose when he first arrived for the preliminary RSV and flu virus were negative, but he was testing him for RVI (Respiratory Viral Isola) and that wouldn't be back until later in the day. He told me as long as Brennen kept his bottles down for the next 12hrs, didn't stop breathing between now and then, and his fever gone for 12 hrs from the last temp, that when the results came back we could go home. So, late Thurs. night we were discharged. Diagnosis: RVI (The test came back positive.) The Dr. explained RVI to be the sister virus of RSV. It's just as dangerous to infants and children as RSV, but in different ways then RSV. Plus, it effects the lining of the lungs causing them not to inflate and deflate properly, as where RSV effects the whole lung causing the same.

Since we've came home *B* wants Mama and only Mama. He is doing better, but he's not 100%, and that may still take awhile before he's there. He's not sleeping well. He knows what the nasal syringe is, and upon just seeing it he cries. (Poor little guy.) He still has a horrible cough and a runny nose and watery eyes, but thank heavens no more non-breathing episodes, and no more rapid or labored breathing as well. He went back to the ped. today, and he's a canidate for the RSV/RVI Synigis shot, and he now has to have a home nebulizer and do breathing treatments once a day until he's over this, and then only as needed there on.

I just look back on my baby and him being at my home and stopping breathing, and I Thank God for my calm collective thinking and action, my Nurse's Assistant training and CPR knowledge, and that He didn't decide to take my baby that night. My baby truely is a fighter and a survivor.