Love Dare- Day 4

Day 4: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them. Psalm 139:17-18, Genesis 2:18, Philippians 1:3

Today was a total fail. I can admit when I fail, I fail. It wasn't a fail completely on my part though. I blame it on my electric company. You see I was mega busy all day long running errands for my Dad, paying bills for us, and grocery shopping... only to come home at one point (before having to head out AGAIN) to find a message on the answering machine telling H*attie she had a job if she could start today at 3:30pm. It was 1:20pm when I got said message. Any way, continue the frantic running around getting her things for her lunchbox and finding her a ride to work, b/c I refused to do it with it being a 20-25min drive away. But, I got that all out of the way and was finally able to head home, but still needed to go to W*al-M*art for somethings and didn't have time b/c I needed to wake up DH.

After I get home and get him woke up, he decides that instead of me going to WM why don't we go get subs from Sub*way for dinner, and I can go after I drop him at work (we have one vehicle). Fine by me. Well, we got dinner, ate, he got ready, and just as we're heading out the door the power goes out. It's 6:15pm. We couldn't find a regular phone to save our lives so he could call to see if power was still on at his work, so I had to take him there. It was on. I spent the next 5hours and 35min in the dark, with no phone, no way to contact him through the business of his day, and I didn't want to bother him by showing up at his work when if I asked him if he needed something I may not of been able to get it anyhow. There were 1500 customers in our area without power for 5hrs35min, and all do to a rolling blackout b/c our power company wasn't prepared for a heat wave in late August to early September; and apparently we were using to much power so the grid had to be shut down to conserve power. I so hated that and the fact that I failed a day, but I plan on doubling up tomorrow (which is actually today b/c I'm writing this on the 2nd at noon, but I'm back timing this to 11:59pm on the 1st so it shows up as a post on the 1st).

Love Dare- Day 3

Day 3: Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today." Romans 12:10, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Philippians 2:3, James 3:16

Today wasn't a very hard day either as it's another work day. I had to go see the dietitian today to get on a better eating regiment to control my weight and sugars better, so by the time I got home at 3:45pm DH was already awake. Again we didn't have a lot of time with one another to even be able to fight. We communicated about my future dieting and exercise plans, and when I have to go back to the dietitian. It was a nice day. Again today I packed his lunch bucket, but today I slipped in a hand written note. (We've been short on money since H*attie has been living here, so I didn't buy him anything.) It simply said:

DH,

I wanted to tell you that while you're at work tonight, that even though you probably don't think so... I AM thinking about you and I LOVE YOU with all my heart. I hope that you're having a great night at work.

XOXO,

Me

I'm not sure if he's gotten it yet or even at all, b/c here it is going on midnight and he's had two breaks and still no phone call or nothing. Hopefully. On to tomorrow.

*********

PS: Jenni, I agree with you. I shouldn't sit back and take his verbal abuse as I did in Day 1, and we should do this together. However I know that he'll never do this challenge with me, not in a million years or more. Also, I do usually fight back when he's like that, so for me to bite my tongue is a change. I'm hoping that by doing so maybe he'll realize I'm not fighting back anymore, and by doing so we'll stop fighting pretty much altogether. Only time will tell, but thanks for your comments and concerns it means a lot.

Love Dare- Day 2

Day 2: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. Ephesians 4:32, Proverbs 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:26, Proverbs 19:22

Today was an easy day. Or at least easy to me. DH works the 7p-7a shift, so he didn't get out of bed until almost 3pm today. He had to leave at 6:15pm. Not many hours to fight if we were going to, which we didn't. I often find that days that he works are so much better than the weekends that he's home. Sometimes I used to tell him on the weekends to "Go back to work, I can't stand you being home anymore." Now, I'm vowing not to do that and to savor every moment with him if I can. I just hope he realizes how much I love him, and how much he means to me.

He aggravated me again today. He just does these small annoying things like tapping continuously even when I've asked him nicely to quit, or calling my name over and over again even when I've asked him what he needs, or even this loud irritating hysterical laugh that sounds like a clown (you'd have to hear it to know what I'm talking about). These are the things I talk about when I say he's aggravating me. I swear he knows I'm doing this challenge, and wants me to go off the deep end on him just so that he can tell me I failed. I don't plan on failing. I didn't lose my cool. The unexpected thing that I did for him that I don't usually do is I packed his lunch bucket for work. This might sound like I'm a lazy wife b/c I don't do all the time, but I don't b/c he has OCD about how things are in his lunchbox. I'm serious. Everything has to be in the perfect position, and he always takes a variation of the same things. I've been watching him pack his bucket long enough that I could do it for him, even though he just goes behind me and takes the stuff out and reorganizes it. Today though I made sure everything was right, the only thing that wasn't was a snack pack of Oreos... the label was facing down, he has it facing up. Otherwise, he was thankful that I packed his lunch for him. I'm going to start doing it everyday now I think... at least if I can handle his critiquing.

Love Dare- Day 1

Day 1: The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret. Ephesians 4:2, Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 15:18, I Thessalonians 5:15, James 1:19

Starting today was a real struggle for me, but persistence will pay off I hope. Last night we went to an end of summer party just like we always do. There were a bunch of idiots and drinking there (like always). DH doesn't drink any more and I can't even tell you the last time that he did drink. I on the other hand had one to many and was drunk. So, drunk I recklessly got on the front of a golf cart that could hit a peak speed of 30mph. Needless to say, someone else drunk was driving that golf cart and I got thrown from it and ran over by it. DH watched the whole thing happen, and instead of coming to see if I was alright when back to the bonfire. He still hasn't asked me if I'm alright, and it that hurts... but I must do this. I bawled in the shower at going on 2am when we got home telling myself only 40 more days and maybe things will be different. I pray to God that I'm right.

When we got up DH had in store for us the task of taking down our 12ft x 3 1/2ft pop-up pool. That was a challenge in and of itself. He kept calling me names telling me I was stupid and not doing it right. I was so proud of myself I just stood there, and continued helping him saying nothing even though I was angry and wanted to tell him off so badly. I'm not sure if he knows I'm doing this challenge or not. I know that he was way more aggravating today to me like he wanted me to blow my top, but I held strong and made it threw today and completed the challenge at hand. Hopefully tomorrow is just as well. Stay tuned.

Devoted To Fixing My Marriage (Part.2)

I'm really hoping that with doing The Love Dare Challenge that I will be in a better place with my marriage. I once heard this saying, and it keeps ringing in my ears as things get worse and worse between DH and I, "Don't make someone your priority, when all you are is their option." I love my husband, I truely do. I want to chase eternity with him. I want our family, our home, and to have grown old with him so many years from now. I can only hope and pray that upone completion of this challenge things will be so much different. Love , trust, faith, hope, honesty, and more over devotion will have been restored back into our hearts and our marriage. So, without further ado, I said that I would post the second 20 days of the 40 day Love Dare, so here they are. I'm hoping that I have a few joiners or followers throughout this journey, please let me know?

• Day 21: Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are 31-a full months supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with him. Isaiah 58:11 , Psalm 145:16
• Day 22: Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return." Hosea 2:20, Psalm 119:30
• Day 23: Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse. 1 Corinthians 13:7, Job 22:23
• Day 24: End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed-today-and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love. 1 John 2:17, 1 Peter 2:16
• Day 25: Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "Fogive us our debt" each day, we must ask him to help us "Forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive." 2 Corinthians 2:10, Luke 23:34
• Day 26: Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel. Romans 2:1, Galatians 6:4
• Day 27: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has old you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love. Psalm 25:20, Hebrews 10:24
• Day 28: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet that need. 1 John 3:16, Galatians 6:2
• Day 29: Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you," then express your love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person-unconditionally, the way he loves both of you. Ephesians 6:7, Joshua 24:15
• Day 30: Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that he would do the same for them. And if appropriate discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity. John 17:11, Deuteronomy 6:4
• Day 31: Is there a 'leaving' issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent on it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship. Genesis 2:24, John 17:21
• Day 32: If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your spouse today. Do this in a what that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy. 1 Corinthians 7:3, Song of Solomon 7:6
  
  *On a side note this day's dare is only for married couples*
• Day 33: Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you. Ecclesiastes 4:11, Colossians 3:14
• Day 34: Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today. 1 Corinthians 13:6, Psalm 101:2
• Day 35: Find a marriage mentor-someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment. Proverbs 15:22, Proverbs 11:14
• Day 36: Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a Devotional or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock. Psalm 119:105, Romans 15:4
• Day 37: Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don't forget to thank Him for his provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself. Matthew 18:19, Psalm 88:13
• Day 38: Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can. Psalm 37:4, 2 Corinthians 9:8
• Day 39: Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place your spouse will find it. 1 Corinthians 13:8, Micah 7:18
• Day 40: Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your marriage vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God's eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate. Ruth 1:16, Psalm 105:8

Devoted To Fixing My Marriage (Part.1)

It's no secret that my marriage has been on a downward spiral for a few years now. More like a rollercoaster ride actually, b/c it has it's ups and downs. More quick fast plummeting downs than long lasting ups though, as sadly as that is.

Any way, before H*attie came back to live with us things were rough, but I could see a change for the better in DH's and my relationship. Now, with her here things are back to slump and the constant fights. Too many nights I find me crying myself to sleep or days I just cry in general. My depression is at an all time high and I hate it. DH and I bicker and fight, and usually the root of the problem stems from something to do with H*attie and her constant drama and chaos.

I've done alot of wrongs in my marriage, but so has my DH. I'm not pointing fingers though. I'm ready to make my marriage work.... put up or give up. That's how I'm looking at it. So, I finally watched

Those of you that have watched it probably know what I'm talking about when I say "The Love Dare." If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm getting to that. Any way, this was an excellent movie, and I totally recommend watching it if you haven't. I've decided since watching this movie researching about the love dare challenge, that I'm going to do it. I'm going to document each day here in my blog how it goes, and see how I feel about my marriage after the challenge is complete. I'm hoping that it helps and it renews things and puts a breath of fresh air into our relationship. For those of you that would like to do the love dare challenge with me, I'm going to start it this Sunday!! For those that have done this already, I'd like to know how it changed your marriage good or bad? Any imput is appreciated, please and thanks.

Here is a day to day list of the dares in advance for those that would like to participate, and if you would like to participate let me know so that I can read how things go with you.

• Day 1: The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret. Ephesians 4:2, Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 15:18, I Thessalonians 5:15, James 1:19
• Day 2: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. Ephesians 4:32, Proverbs 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:26, Proverbs 19:22
• Day 3: Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today." Romans 12:10, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Philippians 2:3, James 3:16
• Day 4: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them. Psalm 139:17-18, Genesis 2:18, Philippians 1:3
• Day 5: Ask your spouse to tell you 3 things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irratted with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only. Proverbs 27:14, Proverbs 25:24, Psalm 112:5, Luke 6:31, Ecclesiastes 10:12
• Day 6: Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life. Proverbs 16:32, Colossians 3:12-14, Philippians 4:6-7, Exodus 18:17-23, Proverbs 25:16, Matthew 12:34, James 4:1-3, Ephesians 4:31, I Timothy 6:9-10, Acts 24:16
• Day 7: For todays dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out the positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point in the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic. I Corinthians 13:7, Philippians 4:8
• Day 8: Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your mind on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed. Song of Solomon 8:6, Proverbs 27:4, Deuteronomy 4:24, James 3:16, James 4:1-2, Romans 12:15
• Day 9: Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them. I Peter 5:14, Luke 15:20, Philemon 7
• Day 10: Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse-something that proves (to you and them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the Laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage. Romans 5:8, I John 4:10, I John 4:19, I Cornithians 13:7, Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 32:10
• Day 11: What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with as smile. Ephesians 5:28, Mark 10:51
• Day 12: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first. Philippians 2:4, Romans 12:18
• Day 13: Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to 'fight' by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs. Mark 3:25, Romans 12:16
• Day 14: Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together. Ecclesiastes 9:9, Proverbs 23:26
• Day 15: Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting away his clothes for him. It may be in the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes. 1 Peter 3:7, Jeremiah 30:1
• Day 16: Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for 3 specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage. 3 John 2, John 9:31
• Day 17: Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe. Proverbs 17:9, Song of Solomon 6:3
• Day 18: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the 2 of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your spouse. Proverbs 3:13, Proverbs 4:7
• Day 19: Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have your realized your need for God to change your hear and to give you the ability to love? As him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination. 1 John 4:7, Matthew 19:26
• Day 20: Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for Salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus I'm a sinner. But you have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your Power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace." Romans 5:6, Isaiah 63:9

Ok, so I fibbed... here is the first 20 days. I'll post the last 20 days before the weekend, but for now I must go to bed it's 1am.... LOL!

Why Her?

I'm serving up a pity party for one tonight. It's a combo of many things etched on my heart and the fact that I'm drugged up on pain pills due to pulling something in my back while giving *B* a bath the other night. Any way, I'm an avid reader of Mckmama's blog. So, earlier as I was reading back through her recent posts that I had missed this past week, when I came across THIS entry she wrote about her newest addition in the cradle that was her's and has went threw each of her children and that she will pass on to one of them. After reading that post I lost it.

I lost it b/c in my family there was a similar item, that was to have a similar set of circumstances. You see, there was this cradle:

My great-grandma and her sister were infants in it. Then when my grandma was born she was an infant in it. My mom and her sisters were infants in it. My grandma kept it and it was to be passed down to her daughter (my mom) for the first grand-daughter (me). My sister and I were both infants in this cradle... it should of went to me. It was intended for me. I got pregnant before my sister TWICE, but both ended in a miscarriage.

So, what does my dysfunctional disheartening mother do??? You guessed it, I'm sure. My sister with her first pregnancy receives MY cradle at her baby shower. The baby shower that I was throwing for my sister b/c I was so happy for her. But, my heart got broken at this baby shower. That was supposed to be my sentimental gift and right of passage. Instead I get some stupid blanket that my mom got at a garage sale that her dogs laid all over. (The tip of the iceberg on the love/hate relationship my mom and I have and how my feelings aren't of value to her at all.)

Now, my sister's three beautiful baby girls have all been infants in this cradle and she intends to pass it on to one of them keeping the tradition (some what). But, what about me? Here I sit almost 4yrs later, and I'm still bitter and hurt. That was supposed to be mine. The one that I received and passed it on to my child and be stilled in him the heritage that went along with it. Something my sister won't do, and doesn't care about. I'll never have that, and I don't understand why my mom choose favorites in her children, and why it had to be my sister. What did I ever do in this life or a past life to have things so bitter sweet on so many levels?