Thursday, August 26, 2010

Devoted To Fixing My Marriage (Part.1)

It's no secret that my marriage has been on a downward spiral for a few years now. More like a rollercoaster ride actually, b/c it has it's ups and downs. More quick fast plummeting downs than long lasting ups though, as sadly as that is.

Any way, before H*attie came back to live with us things were rough, but I could see a change for the better in DH's and my relationship. Now, with her here things are back to slump and the constant fights. Too many nights I find me crying myself to sleep or days I just cry in general. My depression is at an all time high and I hate it. DH and I bicker and fight, and usually the root of the problem stems from something to do with H*attie and her constant drama and chaos.

I've done alot of wrongs in my marriage, but so has my DH. I'm not pointing fingers though. I'm ready to make my marriage work.... put up or give up. That's how I'm looking at it. So, I finally watched

Those of you that have watched it probably know what I'm talking about when I say "The Love Dare." If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm getting to that. Any way, this was an excellent movie, and I totally recommend watching it if you haven't. I've decided since watching this movie researching about the love dare challenge, that I'm going to do it. I'm going to document each day here in my blog how it goes, and see how I feel about my marriage after the challenge is complete. I'm hoping that it helps and it renews things and puts a breath of fresh air into our relationship. For those of you that would like to do the love dare challenge with me, I'm going to start it this Sunday!! For those that have done this already, I'd like to know how it changed your marriage good or bad? Any imput is appreciated, please and thanks.

Here is a day to day list of the dares in advance for those that would like to participate, and if you would like to participate let me know so that I can read how things go with you.

  • Day 1: The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret. Ephesians 4:2, Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 15:18, I Thessalonians 5:15, James 1:19
  • Day 2: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. Ephesians 4:32, Proverbs 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:26, Proverbs 19:22
  • Day 3: Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today." Romans 12:10, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Philippians 2:3, James 3:16
  • Day 4: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them. Psalm 139:17-18, Genesis 2:18, Philippians 1:3
  • Day 5: Ask your spouse to tell you 3 things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irratted with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only. Proverbs 27:14, Proverbs 25:24, Psalm 112:5, Luke 6:31, Ecclesiastes 10:12
  • Day 6: Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life. Proverbs 16:32, Colossians 3:12-14, Philippians 4:6-7, Exodus 18:17-23, Proverbs 25:16, Matthew 12:34, James 4:1-3, Ephesians 4:31, I Timothy 6:9-10, Acts 24:16
  • Day 7: For todays dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out the positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point in the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic. I Corinthians 13:7, Philippians 4:8
  • Day 8: Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your mind on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed. Song of Solomon 8:6, Proverbs 27:4, Deuteronomy 4:24, James 3:16, James 4:1-2, Romans 12:15
  • Day 9: Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them. I Peter 5:14, Luke 15:20, Philemon 7
  • Day 10: Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse-something that proves (to you and them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the Laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage. Romans 5:8, I John 4:10, I John 4:19, I Cornithians 13:7, Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 32:10
  • Day 11: What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with as smile. Ephesians 5:28, Mark 10:51
  • Day 12: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first. Philippians 2:4, Romans 12:18
  • Day 13: Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to 'fight' by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs. Mark 3:25, Romans 12:16
  • Day 14: Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together. Ecclesiastes 9:9, Proverbs 23:26
  • Day 15: Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting away his clothes for him. It may be in the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes. 1 Peter 3:7, Jeremiah 30:1
  • Day 16: Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for 3 specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage. 3 John 2, John 9:31
  • Day 17: Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe. Proverbs 17:9, Song of Solomon 6:3
  • Day 18: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the 2 of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your spouse. Proverbs 3:13, Proverbs 4:7
  • Day 19: Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have your realized your need for God to change your hear and to give you the ability to love? As him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination. 1 John 4:7, Matthew 19:26
  • Day 20: Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for Salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus I'm a sinner. But you have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your Power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace." Romans 5:6, Isaiah 63:9

Ok, so I fibbed... here is the first 20 days. I'll post the last 20 days before the weekend, but for now I must go to bed it's 1am.... LOL!

1 comment:

  1. Here from ICLW - good luck with your marriage, or should I say, good hard work. :)


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