Giving Thanks

I'm always so behind on posting about holidays. I used to be on top of things before I was a mother to my own child (you know when I was mothering H*attie the teenager). Any way, I wanted to right my entry for what I am most thankful for. But first I'll share how this holiday went down in the land of Baby Dreams for all you dreamers (alas that is what I'm going to call you readers now.... dreamers!! YAY!!) So, where did I leave off? Oh yeah, I was stressed to the max, and I didn't want to even be making a Thanksgiving feast let alone dealing with the possible baby name stealing H*attie... that's where.

So, any way I ended up having to do my food shopping for the meal the day before. I had to struggle through the crowds, but I got everything I needed to make a delicious and delightful meal... well everything except cherry pie filling which I ended up substituting to strawberry filling, but no big deal. I got home and I still had a semi-sick boy on my hands, but he was definitely doing alot better than just a few short days before hand when we did a rush trip to the ER at 2am, so I got to work on dinner prep. I made all my desserts, rolled out noodles, boiled chicken, made cucumber salad, put all the casseroles together and in the fridge, and around the stroke of 1am on the day of got my turkey dressed and put in the oven. DH even helped me in the kitchen when *B* went to bed which was simply incredible. Then finally I went to bed close to 2am exhausted and with throbbing feet.

On the day of H*attie, J*ordan, and H*unter showed up early, but it was no big deal we had already been up for about an hour. She came on in and acted like nothing had ever been said between us, and as if she had never done anything wrong. She still doesn't know if she's pregnant, but says she thinks she is as she's over a month late on her AF. Whatever. She did the same old same old that she's done every year since moving out.... sat on the couch and was lazy not offering to help out in the kitchen one bit, and *H* broke through his first 2 teeth and she didn't even want to take care of him really; she just let him cry and cry. (More on her bad parenting in another post... I'm trying to stay positive in this one and be thankful.. right?) So, any way, *H* is still so tiny but he's the tiniest little walker I've ever saw.... it was adorable!! However he was scared to death of us now (being as they haven't been here since *B*'s birthday party on July 5th) and pretty much fussed and shyed away from us the whole time. We ate dinner, everyone got stuffed, and everyone left for me to clean up the mess. (Maybe I should change the title of this entry? I'm sounding unthankful.)

After this we headed to my Grandma's where I figured things would be hugely overwhelming as my Mom's side of the family just seems to keep falling apart and not getting along. It ended up being a great time, except for my cousin's pregnant girlfriend going on and on about how fragile her belly was after wanting to pick up *B*, and him trying to climb her. That was really the only down side for me... I could of done without that. I loved filling my belly for a second time with different types of food there, and I loved sharing all the laughter and love. Just like all the holidays before this one, a tradition I hope to continue on in my own home with my own family in years to come.

So, now to what I'm thankful for:

• I'm extremely thankful to have such a loving, understanding, caring husband who is also an amazing father. He doesn't always make the wisest of decisions and they don't always please me, but he only has everyone's best interest at heart. And even though I wasn't getting along with his sister, he knew that I would of regretted her not being here had I decided to keep my heart of stone.
• I'm thankful for my son. B/c without him I wouldn't have anything to help me get through the day on some days. He filled the hole I had in my heart that infertility left there. He is the light of my life and by far the greatest blessing I could ever ask for.
• I'm thankful for family. Especially the fact that I got to see my little brother for the first time since Halloween'08, which was amazing. They may not always be supportive, and we may butt heads all the time, but I know that they care for me and are always there for me. They help make the holidays bright, and definitely keep the laughter alive when there are times that you just feeling like crying or feel like you're dying inside. They are what have give me the firm and steady foundation of the person that I am today.
• Last but not least I'm thankful for all the things that some people over look such as food, a home, my bills being paid, and all the material things that help make everyday living a little easier. And even though I sometimes think my health is really crappy and I hate my body... I'm even thankful for that.

So, lastly I'll leave you with some pictures of the day that I hope you'll enjoy. (PS: Don't mind the fact that *B* had no pants on in a couple pics... we're still potty training and he thinks that he only needs on underwear or a pull-up with no pants. We're working on the whole it's getting really cold out you have to wear pants too thing, it's just taking awhile.)

PSS: For those of you checking back to see when I'm doing the Christmas Giveaway, I'm going to start it this coming Monday.

Big Changes Around The Blog

For those of you that frequent my blog as you've noticed I've made many big changes to the Baby Dreams blog. I love designing things and being able to tweak things just to my liking. I searched for what my DH would say was endless hours on different template designs, font designs, "how-to" tutorials, and downloaded an editing program.... FINALLY I have things just where I want them.

For those of you haven't looked past the top post, please do. There is a place for you to become a follower of this blog on the left side bar. This is VERY important as I plan to do a Christmas giveaway later this week or early next week and it will be my very first giveaway and YOU MUST be a follower. On the right side bar if you're dealing with infertility there is a button that links you to a common thread that ladies and even men dealing with infertility wear as well as a link to
Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer.
(She calls it this herself, I actually have it listed as Stirrup Queens List of Blogs but whatever... LOL.) Plus, on the left side bar I've given love to the template designer of this blog... The Template Mama (her button is clickable as well so you can check her out if you'd like). And if you really, REALLY love my blog please show me some love by snagging one of my buttons on the left side bar or right here in this post. All you have to do is add a HTML/Javascript widget to you layout and copy and paste the code below the button, and please make sure you let me know if you snag it by leaving me a comment with your blog address so that I can come check out your blog as well.

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<center><a href="http://itty-bitty-baby-dreams.blogspot.com/"> <center><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v640/CatrishaT/baby-picture-baby-foot2.jpg" /></center></a></center>

Last but not least if you would like to re-design your blog and you're having problems feel free to leave me a comment or email me at the email address I have listed in the right side bar, and I'll try to help you as much as I can. (FYI: I've made it non-engine search friendly and/or non-bot friendly so at is really "@" and dot is really ".", so on and so forth.) Much love to ya'll and I hope you're enjoying the new makeover as much as I am... Happy Holidays!!

Let The Stress Begin

Today is the first day of the next few days that will cause mass hysteria in the land of Baby Dreams, and as luck would have it.... I can't sleep. UGH! I have about a bazillion things running through my mind that I need to get done or just can't let go of, and I've been on a major cleaning spree. Usually I look forward to Thanksgiving, but this year not so much. DH decided to invite H*attie to dinner even though I'm still wanting to strangle her, b/c she got into it with J*ordan's mom and now his family has decided not to go to their house for the holiday and coincidentally now she has nowhere to go. Wonder why... seems like she's burning many bridges these days. So, now she's coming here. Double UGH! I'm so peeved at him for doing this, b/c I didn't want to make a huge dinner as I always get "stuck" buying and doing everything, and this year looks to be no different now. Not to mention that I haven't bought anything for the actual dinner yet except the turkey (in my defensive I do already have stuff for mashed potatoes and homemade noodles), and now I have to go muster threw the crowds later today to get the rest of it since we were straped for money b/c unexpectantly our axle on our vehicle snapped (another rant entirely), and DH doesn't get paid till later today.

But, any way amongst all that I have to sometime pay some bills that I don't do online, get *B*'s haircut, boil chicken for my homemade noodles and roll out the noodles, bake a couple pies and some other dessert for my grandma's, and throw together a cucumber salad all tomorrow. That listed doesn't include the grocery shopping and the numerous toy picking up I'll have to do and the last minute tidy up of things either, and then putting the turkey in late late late (actually early tomorrow morning) tonight. I swear if I make it through this holiday without flipping out on somebody going on about this family member's pregnancy or that one's or smacking another family member b/c they ticked me off to the point of no return it will be a miracle. I hope DH is up to dealing with Mrs. Bitch, b/c my hormones are a raging and I'm waging an all out war otherwise. But all in all I really REALLY am THANKFUL for this Thanksgiving... REALLY! :)

Hello Holiday Sickies

It never fails ever since *B* was born that when the holidays of fall through spring roll around he's always, ALWAYS sick. Right after Halloween he started in with a horrible sinus type cold and complaints of ear pain. A trip to the Dr. with a second H1N1 test proved that he was negative for the flu, but he did have a double inner ear infection, sinus infection, and the start of an upper respiratory infection. Fast forward to about Thursday evening.... he starts with sneezing again with nasty green drainage and a horrible deep raspy cough. Friday comes and goes and he's fine, as well as Saturday during the day. The last night DH and I lay him down for bed and he's fine for about an hour and a half and the cough comes back. He continues to cough on and off for about 10-15min until he finally is awake and gets out of bed and comes to the living room where we are. By this point he is gasping for breath and is having a hard time breathing (re: labored breathing). I tell DH we're going to the ER something isn't right. Once there he's still doing the same and his oxygen stats were in the lower 90's. They did a chest x-ray on him, and listened to his chest as well as the normal work-up. He has bronchitis now, and I'm told that he's had it brewing in his chest for awhile. Apparently when listening to the chest only a certain area should sound raspy, and his whole chest sounds that way which is an indicator that his bronchitis is almost to the point of walking pneumonia or full pneumonia. Scary stuff. He got a breathing treatment in the ER, and I have to call his pedi. for an appt. tomorrow to see if a home nebulizer is something we should look into, and he's on Zi*thromax. Never fails the holidays brings on the major sickies for my boy. Hopefully this round of antibiotics is strong enough to kill off this nasty virus that is lodged deep in his lungs. If you can spare a prayer we would sure appreciate it. Thanks!

Better Late Than Never

I'm so behind on picture posts it's not funny. Anyhow...... I thought I would post a few from some fall fun that we had around here and Halloween before, well before Thanksgiving and Christmas... LOL! We had alot of fun at the pumpkin patch and carving pumpkins this year, as well as outside, and I must say we had the most adorable little T-Rex dinosaur around. Please enjoy!!

**PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE UNABLE TO SEE THIS SLIDESHOW AS I WAS HAVING DIFFICULTIES GETTING IT ON HERE, THANK YOU!!**

Under Construction!!

Faith readers I wanted to let you know that you if you grace the the wonderful likes of my blog of the next few weeks please don't be alarmed if you see it change MANY, MANY, MANY times. I am a woman who's VERY picky and opinionated and I'm trying my hand at new things in the blogger world. So, please I just ask you to bare with me that I will come to a background and cute little extras that I'll love and you'll find more appealing. In the meantime don't be afraid to click on the link in the upper left corner go to Meg's site and steal some of her Shabby backgrounds, and why you're there if you don't know what I'm talking about she has some GREAT tutorials for beginners... so look around. Love to you all!!

On The Verge Of More Than An Emotional Breakdown

Dear God,

Tonight is not my night. I know that you only give us what we can handle, but I'm here to tell you that I'm drawing the line. I CAN NOT handle the cards that you've dealt me tonight, and you continue to keep dealing me for weeks now. You helped me to find my place in the world and parent H*attie, so now I'm asking you to help her find her place in the world and do the right thing. The family's cut in the deepest, and this one is to the bone and through the heart. You know I've been hurting with all the recent family members and close friends in my life that are pregnant. While each breaking news is painful to me with your good graces I'm still hanging on. I've went through this before and the depression was unbearable at times but I survived. I have the miracle of my son now that you blessed me with and I can't do that again. I'm telling you everything that you're throwing at me I CAN'T handle, at least not this time. I maybe strong, but I'm not that strong not any more and I CAN'T and DON'T want to fall apart in front of my child. So, please I'm begging and pleading with you even when I have so much trouble believing in you at times, but know that you're there and a constant in my life to let me be pregnant and have a baby girl before her. I WILL NOT be able to handle it if she steals the name that we've had for a little girl since we began trying 8yrs ago that's never changed. This is unbearable to me, b/c it's sacred and it means nothing to her while it combines both my mother and MIL's name for a first name and my sister's and my middle names for a middle name. You know we're not trying with treatments but we're not objectionable to a miracle either, so please hear my cries tonight and for once answer them. I'm tired of losing faith in you I want to believe, it's just so hard when you repetitively don't come through for me. So, please bless us, please take away my sadness, and please just be there for me in this time of need.

Amen.
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I got some news tonight that the child that I once raised maybe pregnant by another man other than the one she's been with for a couple of years now. She's been being reckless and careless lately, but after talking to J*ordan on the phone I realized that she has not a caring fiber in her body. There are so many pregnant people coming at me at one time that it's unreal, and I can't handle it. I'm a bawling mess, and my child is even saying "No cries, Mommy, no cries." (Melt my heart.) Having *B* does help ease the pain but I still have a gaping hole there for what I long for, and having a best friend, my sister, and a SIL all pregnant, and now possibly H*attie who'll find out tomorrow with an HPT that J*ordan bought her tonight before work....... I CAN'T HANDLE IT!! I'm not as strong as I once was and I'm falling apart and sinking into a deep depression. I find myself screaming and pleading with God as I did above, and even bargaining with Him if He'll just let me be pregnant. I'm having a breakdown and my wonderful DH who just held me last week while I felt like my world was falling apart with the news of my sister being pregnant is working tonight. So, now my only option is my 2yr old who is now awake from my bawling and gagging at 2am to cuddle with and hope that the world is a better place in the morning. Dear Lord..... please let it be.