Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Drama, Drama, DRAMA

I swear all my life consists of is Drama any more. I most certainly do not go looking for it as I have enough problems in my own home, it just always comes to me. Here's a quick recap of the last few months so you're up-to-date on what I'm talking about. A few months ago H*attie and I stopped talking after a huge fight on the computer about her parenting skills that ended in her calling me horrendous names. Neither DH nor I talked to her again from mid-February until Easter weekend when she called crying to tell us that J*ordan and her were on the outs. Of course my DH the respecting brother and father-like figure that he has been to that disrespectful girl offered our home to her and *H* (our nephew) to come stay. However we were sick during Eater and the following week, so we were unable to move her down here... so by the following weekend when we were feeling better things with H*attie and J*ordan were "fine". Although a couple days later H*attie leaves J*ordan AND *H* to go be with this other guy she had been cheating on J*ordan with. We didn't talk to H*attie again, but we did keep in contact with J*ordan about *H*. Fast forward to this past week...

We get a phone call from H*attie telling us that her and J*ordan have went back to court about visitations for her with *H*, and the judge ruled it had to be supervised. Bet you can't guess who with? Oh you guessed it? Well, you're right... us! ARGH! The stipulations of the visitations were ridiculous though, and doable for her and J*ordan as they live 20min or so from each other, but we live an hour drive away from them. The terms were every other weekend starting this past weekend for 2hrs, then 4hrs, then 6hrs or each of the following weekends on Saturdays, to be picked up and dropped off and J*ordan's local police dept., and to be in a public place all with us. I talked to J*ordan about how this would not work, and how I would love for H*attie to be able to see *H*, but there was no way possible for us to accommodate the judges request in this especially when we weren't even consulted first. He told me he didn't know what to tell me or H*attie, as she just sat there and never opened her mouth about it, but said she'd like it to be us. He said he wasn't doing her any favors. I can't much blame him, but at the same time by not doing her favors her and us are being screwed. Fast forward to this past weekend...

J*ordan decided to swallow his ego a bit and compromise on some things. He had to come to our house any way, as he bought our old living room suit off of us. So, when I told H*attie this, I also asked her if she would be able to come here to see *H*. J*ordan agreed, H*attie agreed, thus *H* was here. (He's gotten so big and independent at 18mths old, but that's off topic... LOL!) J*ordan once he was here decided H*attie could keep *H* over night as long as she and her boyfriend stayed here with him. So, instead of 2hrs she got him 24hrs. OMG... she is horrible at parenting. If I were in her position I would want to spend every second with my son. Not her, every time I had to leave for something, she left with me and left *H* in M*att's (her boyfriend) care. During that care time M*att didn't watch *H* and he got into my cat's food and water bowls spilling them. Matt left *H* in the soaking wet clothes until we got there, and H*attie kept him in them even after we got home and found out about it. I would say in the amount of time that *H* was here, he ate maybe 5TBS of food and drank a milk bottle. When I tried to feed him he threw a fit, and H*attie told me to leave him alone... so I did. She left him in a poopy diaper for I don't even know how long as he got here at 11am, and the first diaper change she did on him b/c I told her his diaper was about to fall off was at 4:30pm (the poop was drying to his butt). When it was bath and bedtime she didn't even give him his bath... I did. She and her boyfriend both got drunk after *H* went to bed. And, the worst thing they left here at 10am on Sunday to take *H* back to J*ordan... She NEVER fed him breakfast or anything.

Now, we are left to fill out these report papers for the judge and mail them to the court house on her parenting abilities supervised to see if when they go back to court she can get them unsupervised. DH is leaving me in charge of this, as I always do all the paperwork things. However, he asked me what I was going to write and said he thought that she did a good job this weekend. I told him exactly what I've written here. He flipped out, and I told him that it needed to be told to the judge in the best interest of *H*. DH and I are now fighting even more. Every time one of his sisters comes around that is all we do. Especially if it's H*attie. I never wanted to be any part of H*attie and J*ordan's split, nor did I want involved in this custody dispute after the first time this crap happened. Now, they've put even more strain on a marriage already at it's breaking point. I don't know what to do... I don't want my marriage to fall apart over me telling the truth, but at the same time I don't want to lie so that she gets unsupervised visits as I worry about *H*'s well being in her care alone with him. I'm so torn, and this Drama has me an emotional train wreck.


  1. Did the judge even ask you guys if that was ok with you guys to supervise H's visits? Personally I would write it how it happened! She obviously can not take care of her child and what really happened IS in the best interest of H! Good luck!

  2. What a terrible position you are in!! Personally I'm with you. If you don't tell the truth, she gets unsupervised visits and then something horrible happens which could even include his death how would you or your hubby feel then. I say this as someone who worked for over a year at a place where we did parenting classes for people whose children where in the system. In that year, four child died from abuse/neglect/stupid mistakes and several more were injured. So I've learned it is always better to err on the side of the child. Honesty keeps them safe. None of those parents thought their children would die. Personally I would be honest on this one but make it very clear that I will not be apart of this situation any longer. Hubby wants to than fine I will have a weekend at a nice hotel with a good book and clear conscious while he participates in this farce. Sorry. My job left me a little scarred on this issue. My heart goes out to you in this tough time.

  3. I am so sorry that this is all on your lap. I would honestly tell the truth. I know it's a very hard situation being your husband's sister and he thinks the total opposite.
    Poor H is so innocent and should be so loved and well taken care of.

  4. I agree, I know it's a hard position to be in but "H's" welfare and well being are the most important factors. Sometimes we have to do hard no fun things to protect innocent chldren. Poor little baby. Breaks my heart. I would tell the truth and let the Judge be the bad guy.


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