Wordless Wednesday- Really Irritable Lately

I could seriously go for one of these to relief some stress and irritability. Maybe for my birthday next week? Happy Hump Day!

Rants, Decisions, and Life

**YOU ARE FOREWARNED THAT THERE IS PROFANITY AND VULGARITY IN THIS POST!! READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!!**

It seems like ions since I put fingers to keys and really pounded out a decent blog entry. Give me the bad blogger award or whatever, but with the lack of computer time I get on my own computer since H*attie has moved in and started ruling the roost that is why. However, I am on FB, and I do update there almost everyday and right over there on the right hand side is my e-mail address... feel free to add me if you're on FB. Make sure you include a message with your request that you're from Baby Dreams.

Any way, a month ago today in all her laziness H*attie came back to dwell in our home and literally hold our couch down. If you know the history you know my dislike on this event, especially given that the next day was my son's 3rd birthday bash. If you don't know the history, I'll shorten and sweeten bitterly truthfully give it to you. When she was 14yrs old my MIL passed away (FIL passed the year prior). My older SIL was supposed to take custody of her in this event, but seeing as she had just popped out her 3rd child she had changed her mind. H*attie was left a ward of the state. My loving kind-hearted DH decided we should petition the courts at a mild age of 19yrs for custody of her. It was granted. Fast forward to her turning 18yrs old and thinking that just b/c she was now a legal adult in the state of Ohio she could do as and disrespect us as she pleased. I cheated on my DH, b/c we were in a very bad place in our marriage do to her always running interference and infertility. She found out, she told him. (No, I'm not proud.) Shortly after DH's finding out, I found out I was pregnant with *B*. Things were in chaos and rumors were flying but I knew the truth, and that DH was/is *B*'s father. Then H*attie stole from a store while I was maternity clothes shopping. I kept her out of jail, she returned the favor by punching me in the belly and telling me she hoped my baby died as I didn't deserve a baby by her brother any how. That night she was out of our home, never supposed to return... guess I was mistaken, huh?

Short story on that was, she left J*ordan and *H* to be with another man. Mind you she left *H* alone in the house in a playpen at 15mths old with a note stating: "Being a mother is too much. I have no freedom. I want my life back." (Whole other rant and post... stupid ignorant bitch.) New guy's name was M*att. While with him, she couldn't stop her cheating ways, and he found out. I invited her to *B*'s party, and he decided to bring her here with all her belongings, chaos, and drama.... and drop her off.

Now that she's here she has supervised court ordered visits with *H* with DH, older SIL, or me. She's supposed to be getting a job. (Still haven't seen the likes of that, and even though she has no high school diploma or GED... fast food is below her, or so she thinks. ARGH!) We've been feeding her without any assistance, not that we need it... but we were living comfortably and able to go out and do things, now we're not. She smokes, so does DH (I would like for him to quit but I choose my battles wisely) and he used to go through a carton every 2wks, now it's every 5 days which we can't afford!! The whore is out all night until the wee hours of the morning, and in a month has been with 7 different guys. She's even been talking about getting pregnant again, which I'm afraid if she does I may kill her. Plus, the lazy bitch wants to sleep all day even when I yell and argue with her to get up. She doesn't help do any household chores around here, and she's so lazy I've had to tell her twice she stunk and to take a bath. It's ridiculous. All DH and I have done since she's been here is fight. She's been talking shit about me, and the cheating incident that happened 4yrs ago. She's even told DH to paternity test *B*, and she would pay for it. I've came thisclose to thumping her so many times since she's been here I can't count them on both hands. On top of all this she calls J*ordan not daily like she should to check on *H* occasionally when she's craving drama, and starts arguments with him on the phone.

The sad part of all this is, DH and I weren't in the best of places when she came here. Her coming to live with us was unexpected. DH and I haven't been right since my m/c in April, and her being here has only drove a wedge deeper into our already frail relationship. Even worse part is.... she knows this. She does things purposely to make me or *B* cry and when I go to DH about it, b/c still to this day have to walk on egg shells around her; he shrugs it off like it's no big deal it's just what she does ignore it. When she was a child I was raising it was so much easier... now she's a parent herself (or at least she's supposed to be) I can't ignore her ignorance, b/c it's not bliss. But, I can honestly see us in divorce court if things keep on the way that they are, and b/c my DH has this huge kind loving heart of gold... he's not putting her out regardless of what she does wrong. I'll have to do it and risk the backlash that comes with it when him and I fight b/c she'll be homeless due to burning every tie and bind she's ever had.

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Any way, in other un-H*attie involved news... *B*'s not going to preschool after all this year. I wanted him to go, and way back in the spring DH wanted him to, too. But, as DH has let buddies of his work out of our garage that have foul mouths, and DH has one around them too... you guessed it. *B* has a potty mouth as well. Since we have to pay for pre-school in our area, I refuse to let him go, and pay for it when he uses curse words in perfect sentence form and laughs about it. He'll for sure get kicked out of pre-school in the first week or day. I don't want that for him. So, I've decided since he's only 3, that I'll teach him the basics that he doesn't know already this year so he'll have an advantage next year.... and work on not using profanity. Oh and I need discipline tips on this, to btw??? I threaten with soap, but would never do that. I've been taking toys away and doing time out, but it's to no avail. Far from what I got back in the day (smacks to the mouth, hot sauce, and dish soap) I have not a clue what to do. Advice?

In other news, I think I'm finally at peace with my m/c. I'm ready to start TTC again, but my body is not. I've gained almost 20lbs since my m/c, and I need to shed that and then some. Right now I lack energy as my thyroid levels are out of whack again, and my family Dr. is adjusting them. Also, with the live-in we can't afford treatments and meds, let alone a baby. It breaks my heart that she is coming first yet again to our TTC wants and needs. I wish I already had meds from before so that I didn't have to buy them. I know that any RE is going to look at Foll*istim or Gon*alF as a full course line of treatment, and that is out of our price range. I wish that Ohio state law mandated something more than just HMO's offering infertility coverage to employees and PPO's doing diagnostic testing. I mean that is a blessing, but I'm so beyond that. For me and everyone like me in this state once we've found the results out of our testing and know what is causing our infertility dilemmas, we don't have insurance coverage to help us from there. We better hope we have a chicken laying golden eggs or a money tree in our back yards, if we're just middle class citizens like myself.... b/c our savings is shot from previous treatments and our 401Ks are already being repaid to us not to have a loan taken from again from being tapped out for the same reason. Why do treatments have to cost so much? *sigh*

Lastly, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get in for a D&C or another lap. I've had one AF since the bleeding from my m/c. I have horrible cramps all the time, but nothing changes on OPKs. All BFNs in sight. When DH and I have sex it hurts. It's never hurt before. There are times that I have to make him stop, and I end up in tears. I've been putting it off for weeks now, but I need to make the call. I'm just scared of what the OB/GYN will find/do. I just know I can't keep going like this.... it's killing our sex life and adding to that wedge.

If you've made it this far, thank you! I had alot I needed to get off my chest and update you on. Hopefully I'll get more computer time, but I guess we'll see. Wish I could password it, but that would just be a fight with DH that I don't want. *sigh* Wish me luck.... I'm hoping my head doesn't spin off into oblivion.

Not A Completely Wordless Wednesday- Welcome ICLW!!

Welcome IComLeavWe'ers!! If you still have no clue what ICLW is, and would like to know click HERE for details and join in on the fun next month. We'd love to have you!!

Any way, if you're here you've stumbled across my little piece of heaven in the blogosphere. Now, for the brief intro on me and my family... My name is Catrisha. I'm 26yrs young (I'll be 27 before the next ICLW however). I'm married to my usually wonderful (I only say this, b/c we've been going through some rough spots lately) DH, C*ody. We have one little boy who is 3yrs young named B*rennen, but I often refer to him as "*B*" or "The Monster" around these parts. We also raised DH's little sister from age 14 on, and unfortunately as she's about to be 22, we're yet again raising her... but that's a rant to come at a later date. We are currently sort of TTC#2, but I'm not in the right frame of mind to fully throw caution to the wind since our m/c back in April and go full force at it. So, if it happens it happens... and if it doesn't well then I'll be back on the infertility bandwagon soon enough. Speaking of infertility, the problem that we know of is completely on me. I have PCOS with IR and hypothyroidism. Before we miraculously conceived our son we had tried for almost 6yrs with a whole slew of treatments toward the end of that time. Alot of that detailed journey can be found HERE and ends up running concurrent with this blog at a certain point. For the semi-short-winded version of our TTC journey, you can check out the tab above that say "My TTC Journey."

Now I'm for a quick ABC's of me to get to know some fun facts on me.

A- Aunt: I'm an Auntie to 14 nieces and/or nephews... including my newest niece born on July 6th.

B- Bold: I'm a very bold person whom always speaks her mind.

C- Cats: My favorite animal, and I only have one.

D- Dogs: I love dogs too, but don't currently have any.

E- Eggs: Make me sick to my stomach unless they're in the food I'm eating then I'm not bothered.

F- Fall: Fall is my favorite season of the year.

G- God: I have a hard time believeing in God, I'll admit it. With all the struggles and obstacles I've endured in my life it's hard to believe in a greater being as I don't think so much bad can happen to those that are good... even though it does.

H- Home: We're buying our first home, but if we ever add to our family it'll be too small.

I- Ice Cream: I love me some ice cream, but it's never loved me back... LOL! My favorite flavor is Spumoni.

J- Junior: When DH and I found out that we were having a boy, I wanted him to be a Jr. DH vetoed it and said one of him is enough... LOL!

K- Kale: I've tried kale and I have to admit I love it! With some sea salt, EVOO, and vinegar it's super yummy.

L- Lobster: I've never in my life ate lobster. I ordered one, one time at Red Lobster but couldn't eat it b/c I knew what it looked like alive in the tank.

M- Monster: We actually do call *B* this nickname. When he was a baby he had some chubby cheeks and we started calling him "Cheeky Monster," but now it's just Monster. Or Mohawk Boy right now... check out the last post with cute pics about that.

N- Nightowl: I love to stay up late. At night it's so peaceful, and it's when I get the most stuff done. I also get up early too, and one day I'm told it will catch up to me.

O- Orchids: Pink and white orchids are one of my favorite flowers.

P- Pink: Pink is my favorite color.

Q- Quilt: I have an infant quilt that was made for me when I was a baby, and I used it for *B* when he was a baby, and it's now stored in a hope chest.

R- Raspberry: I can't stand the scent of raspberries. I think it's a putrid smell. But I do like the taste of raspberries.

S- Steel Magnolias: This is my all time favorite movie!!

T- Tater: My nickname from my FIL before he passed away was "Tater."

U- Up: My son loves the movie Up, and I've probably seen it 500 times or more since the first time I seen it.

V- Volleyball: I played volleyball in high school.

W- Watermelon: My kitchen is done in a watermelon theme. Most do it in apples or mixed fruits, but mine is completely watermelons.

X- X-rays: I've had too many bone x-rays to count. I've had alot of broken bones, strained and/or sprained body parts.

Y- Yams: Candied yams are my favorite food (aside from the main dish) during the holidays.

Z- Zest: I can't use this type of soap, b/c it breaks me out.

So, there you have it the ABC's of me. Hope you enjoyed getting to know me, and I can't wait to get to know all of you. Happy ICLW!!

Mohawk Boy

I abosolutely love reading Mckmama's blog. *B* loves looking at the pics of her MSC, and sometimes he even wants me to read to him the blog entries which I love doing. Any way, after this weekend's Stream of Consciousness post that she showed beautiful pics of Nuggey with his mohawk and red tips... *B* wanted his done.

Before the mohawk

I didn't go all out and color his hair, but we did do this:

After: The Mohawk Boy

Side shot of the mohawk

I think he looks adorable!!! (But I'm biased as he's my child... LOL!) What do ya'll think???

Wordless Wednesday- A Trip To Amish Country Style

This past weekend we took a trip to Hol*mes Coun*ty, Ohio. We went to a wonderful farm that had a petting farm (I'll call it a farm b/c there weren't exotic animals there they called it a zoo, but you call it what you want). We took a horse and buggy ride, saw goats on a roof top, rode horses, pet and fed animals, ate Amish home cooking, went to a couple flea markets and vendor shops, and went on a covered wagon ride. It was an incredibly amazing time.

*B*'s Birthday Party

Of course in true Catrisha fashion... better late than never... LOL!

*B*'s birthday is on July 1st, but we didn't have his party until July 3rd since that was on the weekend. It was a nice day. Alot of people that was supposed to be here didn't show, but still we had a good time. My little man scored a good bit of To*y St*ory 3 toys (mainly Woody dolls as he's obsessed with the cowboy these days), as well as other out in the dirt toys, and a big boy bike. The kids played games and won prizes. I loaded the kids up on candy, and everyone else mingled. It was nice.

Oh, and remember the entry I posted about making THIS cake, well it turned out to be an historic epic fail in the art of cake making for me. The cake toppled over and fell apart not once, but twice when I was making it on two separate occasions. So, I scrambled around on the Friday before his party before noon to make a cake for him that looked like Spo*ngeb*ob, that way if it didn't turn out I still had plenty of time to order one. This is what we came up with and if I must say so myself... I did a pretty damned good job.

For me this was an easy peasy birthday that will go down in the baby book as a Moment in Time!!

Wordless Wednesday- Can You Say Stressed Out???

So can I!! This is exactly how I feel. Long story VERY short for right now... H*attie is back living with us, and the vacation we were supposed to be on is more like me needing to go to the psychward to get away from the chaos for vacation, b/c we're not on vacation at all now. I'll post an update on everything later.