Sunday, August 22, 2010

Why Her?

I'm serving up a pity party for one tonight. It's a combo of many things etched on my heart and the fact that I'm drugged up on pain pills due to pulling something in my back while giving *B* a bath the other night. Any way, I'm an avid reader of Mckmama's blog. So, earlier as I was reading back through her recent posts that I had missed this past week, when I came across THIS entry she wrote about her newest addition in the cradle that was her's and has went threw each of her children and that she will pass on to one of them. After reading that post I lost it.
I lost it b/c in my family there was a similar item, that was to have a similar set of circumstances. You see, there was this cradle:

My great-grandma and her sister were infants in it. Then when my grandma was born she was an infant in it. My mom and her sisters were infants in it. My grandma kept it and it was to be passed down to her daughter (my mom) for the first grand-daughter (me). My sister and I were both infants in this cradle... it should of went to me. It was intended for me. I got pregnant before my sister TWICE, but both ended in a miscarriage.

So, what does my dysfunctional disheartening mother do??? You guessed it, I'm sure. My sister with her first pregnancy receives MY cradle at her baby shower. The baby shower that I was throwing for my sister b/c I was so happy for her. But, my heart got broken at this baby shower. That was supposed to be my sentimental gift and right of passage. Instead I get some stupid blanket that my mom got at a garage sale that her dogs laid all over. (The tip of the iceberg on the love/hate relationship my mom and I have and how my feelings aren't of value to her at all.)

Now, my sister's three beautiful baby girls have all been infants in this cradle and she intends to pass it on to one of them keeping the tradition (some what). But, what about me? Here I sit almost 4yrs later, and I'm still bitter and hurt. That was supposed to be mine. The one that I received and passed it on to my child and be stilled in him the heritage that went along with it. Something my sister won't do, and doesn't care about. I'll never have that, and I don't understand why my mom choose favorites in her children, and why it had to be my sister. What did I ever do in this life or a past life to have things so bitter sweet on so many levels?

14 comments:

  1. Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. I cannot believe how your mother and sister both lack sympathy/empathy on what you've been through. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with that. I wish they would both grow up and realize that this is wrong.

    Krystal
    ICLW # 106: http://krysttc.blogspot.com

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  2. So sad to read this post :-( some people truly lack the sympathy/empathy gene.

    ICLW
    #56 Miss Ruby
    http://www.themissruby.blogspot.com/

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  3. Have you talked to your sister? Perhaps she would share the cradle and give it to you, since it means so much to you?

    We have an heirloom in my family that ended up with my brother (long story) and was destroyed because of his immaturity. It still breaks my heart and I never told him. I wish I had.

    Hugs...

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  4. It's so hard to deal with how many things IF has taken from us... from those big moments involving family heirlooms (mine involves an heirloom violin... my sister actually had the nerve to ask for it for her son since I didn't have any kids) to the small heartbreaks that happen every day. Praying for peace for your heart and for your family to understand how they have hurt you.

    ICLW

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  5. My sister got the fertile myrtle working uterus in my family as well. That in itself makes me green with envy, that and she's told me often that she will never understand why God let her be the one to have babies and not me. Yeah, I'll never understand that one either. I do have a son (via adoption). He will be 4 in October. And what keeps my sanity level to *almost* normal is that we live about 4 hours away from family. IF has a funny way of trying to make you an outcast even with family.
    Happy ICLW! Your little man is adorable!

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  6. Here for ICLW. I can only imagine the hurt you feel. The history means so much to you. I am an adoptive mom to a 3 year old boy. I don't think I will be "having" any more children. My mother has asked me about several items and if she can give them to my two nieces. It is somewhat sad to me but I would rather they use them than have them sit in an attic. Sometimes I look at it that I have a boy and he wouldn't use all of the things I had as a child. I am lucky to have two nieces. But the "what if" comes into play. What if I get pregnant or adopt again? What if I have a girl.

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  7. ICLW - I know it's unfair when that cradle means so much to you. I hope your sister will return it to you one day. Perhaps you can start your own tradition, start fresh with your own heirloom.

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  8. I am so sad to read this- what a truly heart breaking situation. If nothing else, start a tradition with your son that stems from love and your own unique family that will have wonderful meaning to him.

    Hope things get better. Praying for you.

    ICLW #135
    <3MaryAnne

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  9. 1st, I love your font in your title blocks... that is so cute and funky!

    2nd, what a bunch of crock! I hate it when families can't be fair. I'm so sorry that you were hurt by this and that your family doesn't care enough to share this with you! That's just horrible!

    ICLW

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  10. Wow, that's really unfair and sad. I'm so sorry to hear this.

    ICLW #86

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  11. That is totally sh*t. It is even more sh*t if your sister doesn't intend to give it over to you for your next pregnancy and pass it on to HER children. I can't imagine my sister being that heartless, especially if she knew what the tradition was. That's selfish.

    I am really sorry that your mom was such a thoughtless idiot.

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  12. Reading your post just made me so mad!!! That was completely wrong of your mom to do and I honestly can't believe she did it! HUGS TO YOU!

    ICLW #55

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  13. Oh gosh I am so sorry. That just blows my mind. I cannot even believe that people can be so thoughtless. Wait, yes I can. Just one of the many things IF and loss steal from us. I don't understand why people can't stop and THINK about things before they go and do them. I am truly sorry.
    Perhaps you can start your own tradition? I know it's not the same...

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