Friday, March 7, 2008

Infertility=Being Knowlegible About Pregnancy???

I'd like to know when this became true for me or anyone else that has dealt with IF for that matter. It bothers me how every pregnant person I know comes to me for answers. I mean don't they have Dr.'s for that for goodness sakes??? I didn't have anywhere near a textbook conception or TTC period for that matter. I definitely didn't have a textbook pregnancy or delivery. And, I know I'm not a textbook parent. So, why do they ask me?? Maybe I offer good advice, who knows. It does bother me though.

My one friend called me tonite to ask me about government benefits once you become pregnant. While I can't knock getting help from the gov't b/c I did while I was pregnant and my DH was laid-off from work, she wasn't asking about during pregnancy benefits, but long-term benefits. That irks me. I understand those out there who get help b/c of unfortunate events in their lives, and those that get help b/c of a disability or whatever else. What I don't get is that there is nothing wrong with her and she works as little as she can get by with, and her DH stays at home with their child already and doesn't work. Then she proceeds to tell me she's pregnant, which I gathered from our Q&A session. So, this is what bothers me they can barely afford the child and their lifestyle now, and they have a new baby on the way. Alright so maybe this is that infertile rage in me coming out, but I just don't get it. However I gritted my teeth while we spoke and then congradulated her at the end of our conversation.

Any way, back to the title. After all the gov't questions she went on to ask me about pregnancy and bleeding/spotting (which apparently she's having). Then she wanted to know what she should do, b/c she's all excited and doesn't want this not to be true. The only advice I could give her is the advice I would use myself and did when I was spotting early in my pregnancy with *B*: if it's brown it's old blood, anything lasting longer than 5days see a Dr., pink may be from irritation but if you have had no such irritation see a Dr., and red to the ER or Dr. immediately. I tried to calm her fears I guess, and I know and remember all to fondly how she probably feels, but I'm not sure if I helped and honestly helping her bothered me.

Let me elaborate on why before anyone jumps to conclusions....I'm feeling that pain of infertility again. That gut wrenching horrible feeling. The yearning and the wanting, all the emotions. I love my baby, and I would love to have another, b/c #2 will hopefully fill that void and completely our family, but there is always that doubt of what if it doesn't. I often wonder if I will always feel this way. I mean I have one child who amazes me everyday whom I love and adore and still I want more. I just don't get it, am I wired or programmed work??? We're not trying at the moment and that is what I want, but still after finding out yet another person in my life is pregnant that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I don't know if I'm still infertile, but I can only assume that I am. I just don't want the heartache anymore, and I definitely would love to not have to "try" for #2. I would love for it to just happen like it did for all those who told me about their BFPs. They didn't think about it, and surely it didn't consume every moment of their lives before then. So, why does it me???

Infertility and dealing with it has been a curse and a blessing. I mean in aspects of conceiving I think I know all there is to know about every way possible b/c of researching it endlessly before *B*. Pregnancy maybe just the same, I researched endlessly the normal pregnancy, and then when my complications arose I researched them to their depths as well. (I didn't research every complication or pregnancy type out there just specifically topics related to mine.) Parenting read alot of the books, but nothing is textbook with parenting every child is unique and while somethings I've learned are helpful I know there is lots more to learn. So, I'm blessed to be knowlegible about the things I do know, but the curse is b/c I know those things EVERYONE I know that is pregnant comes to me for answers. And, simply talking about pregnancy and conceiving tears at my already previously shredded heart, b/c of my past ordeals.

*Sigh.* I just want to know when my feeling like this will end??? And, more so when will people realize that it bothers me when they share their good news now even though I have *B*?Better yet when will people actually learn about infertility, and understand it, and then grasp the fact that even though those of us that have battled inferility and won are still scarred with that mark of the capital "I"???


  1. Catrisha, I know exactly how you are feeling. It reminds me of ourphone calls 4 years ago. (really that long?) We felt like it was the world against "us". Just plain sucks and sad that these things make us geniuses on fertility and beyond. ((Hugs))

  2. It's very hard to live in the moment. The unknown is always so hard to understand and it creates a sence of confusion. I have been there many times. I like to think that, that pull..tug...want..desire..means something. If we didn't have it then we wouldn't care if it happened or not. KWIM?? My advice would be to live in the moment, let B get a little older and then start over again. Trust me you will want him older. Having a three year old and an infant is hard. I couldn't imagine if Brady was any older. Only because there are two of them and only one of me (I mostly feel like a single parent these days). Anyway, hope I am not stepping my bounds but as a mother of three enjoy the moment. Try not to look to far ahead. This moment will be gone before you know (having B so little) and you can't ever get it back. Just have faith that if number two is supposed to come in the picture, he will. I hope this doesn't make you mad. As PCOS patient and having lived my experiences I wish sometimes I had lived for that exact moment instead of racing to far above the finish line.


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