Thursday, March 12, 2009

In A Funk

I feel like I'm in a rut in life. I have ambitions and things I forsee to my future, but right now as I type I'm in a rut. For once things seem meaningless in life and I'm just drudging along kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was so crazy busy with two kids, only having one now seems mundane. I mean I love *B* with all my heart and each day is something new....but exciting...not so much. Things are repetitive. I like being in a groove, b/c I know what to expect next, but at the same time I long for something thrilling and I lack excitement and flare. Back when I was a teenager times like these would surely wind me up grounded. As an adult these same times have gotten me into chaos as well. It's like I need a focal point to fix my attention on so that I don't run a muck. Maybe it's cabin fever...I mean getting a taste of spring/summer this past week now back to the frigid cold is killer for one's spirits, but I don't think that's it. I need adventure. I crave it and I thrive on it. I need a spark to ignite my fire. I'm truely a passionate compelling person, but right now I feel dull and mono-tone. It's sad when one's greatest accomplishments and biggest screw-ups in life are complied into one list and most times are one and the same; and yet I find myself in a rut trying to add to that list.

So, maybe something will change. Maybe I'll get to add a new chapter to my story of life. Who knows, but for now I'm going to try not to search for something that will throw off my balancing act in life. Try to be happy with what is going on and enjoy every monent of it, b/c whoe knows if I'll get to do it again?

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