Today I'm yet another year older. I'm 27. I don't hold high hopes for today as I've been let down so many years in the past. As you grow older I guess you just tend to expect less. The only I expect for today is for my IRL friends and family to forget all about my birthday until very late in the day. To cry, b/c my heart will be hurt and broken b/c of this. To not get a single card, gift, or present from anyone including my DH b/c I haven't since I turned 18 except from my Dad. And for it to be just another day that I grow older and my feelings are forgot about. By this age, I had hoped in my grand scheme of plans long ago that I would be a mother to 3 wee babes running around my home with soft laughter and loud pitter patter of their feet. Geez, how I was ever wrong. I have one miracle blessing, and while I do have laughter and pitter patter I long for more children. I had hoped to have an amazing DH that never forgot about my birthday, bought me gifts without having to be reminded or told to, and/or took me out to dinner to celebrate my life on my important day. I have an amazing DH, and for me I guess the rest of that is only men I see in movies.
Oh how I wish that all those birthdays ago that if I had only knew then what I know now about my marriage and infertility that when I actually had my birthday celebrated before becoming an adult I would of used my wishes when blowing out my candles on my cakes for my life now to be so differently. Maybe if I'm lucky this year will be different and DH will surprise me. I have 24 more hours left to find out. If so I'm definitely using my wishes wisely. I'll let ya'll know what happens.
Oh and in case you're wondering since it is Friday the 13th, and my birthday... no I'm not superstitious at all. It's just another day and 13 is actually my lucky number.
